


The Future's So Bright

by ThatRavenclawBitch



Series: Future Fic [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Divorced Rumbelle, F/M, Post Season 6, Season 6 Spoilers, Trying to have a baby, awkward smut, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8850454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatRavenclawBitch/pseuds/ThatRavenclawBitch
Summary: From the Rumbelle prompts tumblr: Belle and Rumple never did get back together after the events of S6, but they did get their baby back. When Gideon turns 3, Belle wants him to have a sibling. Problem is that she only wants another baby with Rumple.





	1. Chapter 1

Gideon Gold’s third birthday was quite the affair. There was cake and balloons and more presents than young Gideon could ever hope to unwrap in one afternoon. It was also attended by princesses, wizards, fairies and even a knight.

Belle was grateful for every birthday she got to celebrate with her son. It wasn’t long ago she was afraid she’d missed out on every milestone. But after the Black Fairy had been defeated and Gideon had been reverted back to an infant following his misguided crusade against Emma Swan, she’d set about making every major moment of her son’s childhood a memorable one.

And birthdays, well, birthdays were the biggest moments of all.

For Gideon’s first birthday, she’d rented out the whole of Granny’s diner and invited half the town. For his second birthday, she’d hired a train to take the children all through town. Gideon had gotten his own conductor’s hat and sat up front pulling the horn. And this year, Rumple’s backyard had been turned in to a menagerie. There were goats, and ponies, and chickens, and even a unicorn Rumple had managed to somehow smuggle in from the Enchanted Forest. Gideon was still clamoring for a dragon and she’d arranged for Mal to make a fly by later in the afternoon.

Birthdays were Belle’s specialty, if she said so herself. And this year was no exception.

“They seem to be having fun,” Rumple said, approaching her beside the drinks table and pouring himself some punch. Granny had been a little heavy handed when adding the rum to the adult beverage and Rumple pulled a face at his first sip.

“Yeah,” she chuckled, watching as Gideon and Neal Nolan were led around the yard on ponies, their chubby little legs swinging, too short to reach the stirrups. All the children in town seemed to be in attendance, even little Robyn Mills who’d been brought by her Aunt Regina. Everyone knew Zelena would never be welcome in Rumple’s home, though her daughter certainly was. “Can you believe he’s already three?”

Rumple sighed. “It has flown by hasn’t it?”

Belle turned to look at her ex-husband. He’d kept his hair short for years now but it still somehow took her by surprise. It suited him, the shorter hair. It made his face more open and highlighted his eyes. He couldn’t just hide behind his fringe anymore when he didn’t want to talk to her. But the haircut symbolized something to her. He wasn’t _her_ Rumple anymore. The longhaired Rumple had been her husband, the shorthaired Rumple was her ex, her co-parent, her friend if she really thought about it.

Something in her ached at the thought, as it always did. But it was for the best. The past three years, raising Gideon together without being in a relationship, had been the smoothest they’d ever gotten on. The fights were minimal, the catastrophe’s limited. She’d once told him that their being together only ever led to heartbreak. But apparently their being friends, albeit awkward ones, led to calm skies.

“Mama!” Gideon called from the back of his pony, waving at them. “Papa! Look at me!”

“You’re doing wonderfully, Gid!” Rumple called back. “We should get photos,” he said to Belle before darting back toward the house for the camera, leaving her standing alone.

She wandered over to where Snow, David and Regina were congregated, attempting to lose herself in conversation with the others and trying to push away the uncomfortable thought that had taken root in the back of her mind.

Time was moving quickly. Perhaps not as fast as in the realm of the Black Fairy where Gideon had first grown up. But this world moved quickly as well. Gideon was already three. Soon he’d be starting school. A scant 15 years and he’d be off to college. Where would that leave her and Rumple? Right now they split custody 50/50, dropping off Gideon and picking him up at the end of every week. They tried to do as much together with the three of them as possible to give Gideon the most stable home life they could. What would happen when that eventually ended?

She and Rumple would always share a child, but he wouldn’t always _be_ a child. What would become of their tentative friendship when it was no longer mandatory?

She bit her lip, lost in thought, until she heard her name being called repeatedly.

“Belle!”

“What?” she asked, looking around.

“It’s time for cake,” Rumple said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t realized he’d made his way back to the yard. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” she said with a shake of her head. “Just spaced out for a moment. Let’s round up Gideon and blow out candles.”

It was typical to have such thoughts as you watched your child grown older, wasn’t it? She was just experiencing the perfectly normal growing pains all parents went through. Gideon was still her baby, and he would be for a long time.

But the thoughts didn’t leave her after Gideon’s birthday party. Belle always knew she wanted more children. The traumatic circumstances of Gideon’s birth had put her off the idea for a time, but three years later and those memories had started to fade only to be replaced with new ones, of holding her baby and rocking him to sleep at night, of seeing his gummy smile first thing in the mornings, of hearing him say Mama for the first time. She’d missed out on a normal pregnancy and she was keen to experience that as well. And she wanted Gideon to have a big family. She wanted him to have siblings to play with, something that had been lacking from her own childhood. Belle wanted another child.

The only problem was you needed two people to make a baby, and Belle was certainly in no place for that.

Her luck in the dating department had been all but nonexistent since she’d split with Rumple. She was certain having the Dark One as her ex-husband and father of her child didn’t do her any favors, but it wasn’t just that. There’d hardly been time. And Storybrooke was a small town. There were only so many eligible people and few of them seemed keen on her or vice versa.

But, she supposed, in this modern world it wasn’t exactly necessary to have a partner to have a baby. Women did it all on their own all the time.

It was another two months before she pursued that line of thought further and the morning she found herself sitting alone in the waiting room of a fertility specialist, she almost chickened out and ran away.

Instead she was led into a beige office covered in photographs of beautiful, smiling families and handed a binder filled with different sperm donors, separated out by appearance, ethnicity, level of education and medical history.

After the fourth blond haired, piano playing, lawyer, Belle slammed the binder closed and left.

She was an idiot for thinking that would work. The idea of carrying the child of someone she’d never even met was utterly bizarre. The specialist had even told her it was easier and cheaper to use a donor she knew. But there was only one possible person Belle could think to ask and that was definitely not happening.

She couldn’t possibly.

Right?

It would be completely absurd to ask her ex-husband to provide her with a sperm sample so she could be artificially inseminated. She couldn’t even think it without blushing like mad. It would be even more ridiculous considering they’d already made a child, without even trying, the old fashioned way. Why bother going to the expense of a middleman when they knew they could get along just fine without one?

Belle dropped her head into her hands at that thought. She was actively losing her mind if she thought propositioning Rumple would be a better plan than asking him to please ejaculate into a cup for her later use.

A manic bubble of laughter escaped her lips as she made her way up the front drive of Rumple’s pink house to pick up Gideon for the week. What they had between them now was comfortable and civil, if not overly friendly. It worked for them. To ask him to do this for her would upset the delicate balance they had cultivated. And she couldn’t upset the balance when Gideon was in the middle. They both valued their son’s happiness far too much for that.

With that decision made, she rang the doorbell, hearing the pitter-patter of little feet before the door was thrown open and Gideon launched himself into her arms.

“Hi, Mama!” he said, wrapping his arms around her neck. Rumple was right behind him, toting Gideon’s little duffle bag and smiling at the sight of mother and child.

“This should be everything,” he said, handing the bag off to Belle. “Be a good boy for Mummy, Gid.”

Rumple helped Belle get Gideon into his car seat and kissed the little boy’s forehead, telling him how much he loved him, before waving them off.

Belle watched him in the rearview mirror as she drove off down the street until he eventually turned and headed back inside. He loved Gideon so much. He was sure to be just as good to any other child they had.

“Did you have fun with Papa this week?” Belle asked her son, watching his little face in the mirror.

“Yep!” Gideon agreed. “Papa is funny. He makes silly voices.”

Belle couldn’t help but laugh. “He certainly is good at that, isn’t he?”

By the time they’d reached Belle’s little house a few streets away Gideon had told her in detail about everything he and his Papa had done that week and Belle was more convinced than ever that there was no one she’d rather raise a child with. And the process couldn’t be less romantic. There was no reason their relationship should have to change in any drastic way. It wasn’t as if they’d actually need to be intimate to have this child. All she needed from Rumple was his sperm.

Now, if only she could think of a way to actually ask Rumple for his help.

* * *

 

It was simultaneously the best and worst time of his week when Belle would come to pick up Gideon. It was the best because it was the one time he was guaranteed to see both his ex-wife and child together at the same time. It was the worst because they would then drive off together, leaving him utterly alone.

The weeks Gideon spent with his mother were always harder. Rumple felt his loneliness keenly when there was no toddler running wild through his house, his giggles reverberating off the walls. He knew he should be grateful. Belle had graciously allowed him to be a part of Gideon’s life in spite of everything. They split custody, he was involved in all major decisions, got to spend every holiday with them. When Belle was pregnant with Gideon all that had seemed a pipe dream. After Gideon had been kidnapped by his grandmother and returned them already an adult, he thought he’d lost out on another child’s life completely.

But now he had his son back and he even still had Belle in his life. After everything he’d done to her, it was amazing her capacity for forgiveness hadn’t been completely wrung dry. But he still found himself wanting more.

He didn’t let that on to Belle, of course. She had been very clear that they were co-parents only. That alone was more than he deserved. They would never again embark on a romantic relationship and he respected that.

But Gods he still loved her. Especially when she was lost in thought, chewing on her lip with that adorable frown line creasing between her eyebrows, as she was currently.

Belle was just outside his shop, pacing back and forth with a paper coffee cup in each hand. It looked as though she was talking to herself. He walked closer to the window, glancing around at the otherwise empty sidewalk. She was definitely talking to herself.

He watched for another long moment. It almost seemed like she was rehearsing something she wanted to say, stopping and bouncing on the balls of her feet as she expressed a point. He couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. Sometimes she was too damned adorable.

“Belle?” he asked, finally opening the door to the shop and poking his head out. “Are you alright?”

Belle’s cheeks had gone bright red, her eyes wide, as though he’d just caught her doing something terribly embarrassing.

“I brought coffee,” she exclaimed, thrusting one cup in his direction. He took it from her slightly trembling hand before moving back out of the doorway and holding the door open wide.

“Would you like to come in?” he asked. Belle nodded and followed him inside, walking up to the counter.

She placed her cup on the glass surface of the display case, staring down at it as though it held the mysteries of the universe.

“Is everything alright with Gideon?” he asked, taking a sip of the coffee. It was piping hot and Belle had already sweetened it with just the right amount of sugar.

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I dropped him off at Snow’s for a play date with Neal.”

They stood there drinking their coffee in silence for a moment before Rumple had to ask.

“Was there something you needed then?”

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Belle’s company. He loved the moments he got to spend with her. But they generally centered around their child. It was rare for them to spend time together without Gideon, and if they did, it was to specifically talk about Gideon.

“I was hoping to talk to you about something,” she said, fidgeting with her cup. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Belle so nervous. It was starting to make him nervous. If Belle was this unsettled, she was surely about to drop something big on him. His traitorous imagination started to run away with him. What if she wanted to move? Take Gideon far away from Storybrooke and him? What if she was getting remarried? He hadn’t heard anything about her dating anyone but that didn’t mean she hadn’t been. He didn’t have any hope for he and Belle ever being anything more than civil co-parents to Gideon, but to know for sure that she’d moved on would hurt. He’d try to be happy for her, but God would it hurt.

“Of course,” he managed, trying to school his features into something neutral and less like his world was about to come crashing down around him. “Wh-what did you need to talk about?”

Belle shuffled her feet, biting her lip in that way she always did when uncertain about something. This was going to be worse than he feared.

“I want to have another baby,” she said in a rush.

Rumple just stood there in stunned silence. He knew this day would come eventually. He knew Belle would meet someone else, find love again, even have more children. She was still so young and beautiful and good.

He set his coffee cup down on the counter, the drink suddenly bitter on his tongue.

“I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone,” he said, hating the way his voice cracked over the words. They’d never discussed their personal lives with each other. He had nothing to share and he always assumed she was sparing his feelings. Belle couldn’t have been consistently single for three straight years. It was impossible to think someone hadn’t snapped her up the moment their marriage ended. But she’d never rubbed his face in it, never told him about any escapades, and she’d kept it separate from their time with Gideon. He couldn’t have asked for more than that.

But now she was talking about adding to her family. She would have a child with someone else. Gideon would have a brother or sister that was completely unrelated to him.

He wasn’t prepared for the sick, twisting feeling in his gut. He knew he still loved Belle. He would always love Belle. But he thought he’d made peace with living his life without her. He didn’t expect to feel the sick swell of jealousy.

Belle looked adorably flummoxed. “I’m not,” she said. “What are you talking about?”

“You said you wanted another baby,” he pointed out. “I assume there will be another party involved in the creation of said child.”

“Yeah,” Belle agreed, shuffling her feet again. “Um, you.”

Now he was well and truly at a loss for words. He felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She wanted a child with him?

“Don’t worry,” Belle exclaimed, holding a hand out toward him. “I’m not suggesting we go have sex right this second or anything.”

His eyebrows rose even higher at what a pleasant idea that was.

“I just would need you to go visit Dr. Whale and leave a, um, sample,” Belle continued. “It’s all very clinical.”

She blushed prettily, her eyes staring off over his shoulder and not quite meeting his. He just continued to stare at her, mouth slightly agape.

“Rumple this is unbearably awkward,” she said after a long moment. “Would you please say something?”

“Why me?” he managed to gasp out.

Belle’s eyes darted back to meet his finally.

“You’re Gideon’s father,” she replied as if that answered everything.

“Exactly,” he rebutted, spreading his hands wide. “And look at the heartache that surrounded his birth. Why would you want another child with me?”

“Because I want any other child of mine to be Gideon’s full sibling,” she said. “Because it wouldn’t be fair for this child not to have a loving father. And honestly, I would feel strange carrying anyone else’s child. I can’t really explain it, but I’d rather carry a part of you around inside me than some stranger.”

There was definite appeal to the idea. Some part of him responded strongly to the image of Belle once again pregnant with his child, of everyone knowing it was his. He’d never got to see Belle visibly pregnant with Gideon, thanks to the machinations of the Evil Queen. He’d missed out on that completely. But it would be different this time. Despite all their faults, Gideon had been born from love. A second child would be born from something completely dispassionate and scientific.

“If you don’t want a stranger’s baby, why not wait until you find someone you do want to have a child with?” he asked. He wasn’t sure why he was protesting. He was sure to give in. He could never deny Belle anything she wanted. But somehow it felt wrong to have a child this way.

“Well that’s not guaranteed to happen,” she said stiffly, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Of course it is,” he scoffed. “Belle, look at you. It’s a miracle you’re not remarried already.”

Her eyes widened, looking at him disbelievingly.

“People aren’t exactly lining up around the block for a single mother with the Dark One himself as an ex,” she snapped. That shut him up. He supposed he was a rather large deterrent. But that hadn’t stopped her before.

“We weren’t even divorced when you saddled yourself with Will Scarlet,” he pointed out childishly.

“Nor when you fucked the Evil Queen,” she shot back.

“It never got that far,” he protested. “I swear.”

“I don’t care,” Belle answered, throwing her hands up. “Look we’re both free to do whatever or whomever we want and have been for a long time. I don’t want to fight.”

“Nor do I,” he agreed. They rarely fought these days. It helped that they never spoke about anything personal. Their conversations revolved around Gideon and since they were in complete agreement in wanting what was best for him, there was no need to argue.

“What exactly would this entail?” he asked. He felt it was best to get all the details before making a decision of this magnitude.

Belle blushed again and it was worth asking the question just to see it. She was so beautiful with her cheeks all flushed. He missed being able to make her blush. Back in the early days of their relationship it had been so delightfully easy, a naughty whisper in her ear would have her whole face aflame.

“Well, like I said, you’d have to go to the doctor’s office and provide a sample.”

“And how would they procure the sample, Belle?” he asked, watching her turn even more red.

“Couldn’t you look this up on the internet?” she pleaded, twisting her hands together.

“I’d rather hear it from you.”

“Fine,” she said, gritting her teeth. “You would go to the doctor’s office, go in to a private room, and….” She paused, searching for the right word.

“Ejaculate,” he provided.

“Yes,” Belle agreed. “Into a cup provided for you. The doctor would then take your sample and put it in me when I’m ovulating in the hopes that I get pregnant from it. If it doesn’t work, they’d try again the next month.”

Rumple shook his head slightly.

“So you want me to go and masturbate in an office building so a doctor can impregnate you with the results?”

Belle rolled her eyes, dropping her hands to her sides. “Well when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous.”

“It is ridiculous, Belle.”

She shook her head, frowning, and he felt a twinge of guilt for making fun of her.

“Sweetheart,” he said, the old endearment rolling off his tongue without warning. “I’m your ex-husband. If we didn’t have Gideon, you’d have absolutely nothing to do with me and with good reason. Are you sure you even want this?”

“Yes,” she said, her spine stiffening as she looked him square in the eye. Whatever awkwardness she’d felt she seemed to have shaken it off. Belle wanted this, and he knew better than to try to change her mind once it was made up. “I want a chance at a nice, normal pregnancy, Rumple. I want to give birth and actually hold my baby afterward. I want to have the chance to breastfeed and really bond with my baby in those first few days like I never got to with Gideon. And time is ticking by, Rumple. We don’t all have all the time in the world.”

The reminder of his immortality hurt in a way it never had before. Belle was still physically younger than him by years, but that wouldn’t always be the case, would it? She was aging, Gideon was growing older, and yet he stayed the same. His gaze dropped to the floorboards beneath their feet, unable to bear the sight of Belle’s blue eyes any longer.

“Look,” Belle sighed, stepping closer to him. “Obviously you can say no if you don’t want this or it makes you uncomfortable, but will you at least think about it? We’ve done a really great job co-parenting Gideon the past three years and I think you’re a wonderful father. I want my child to have a father who is involved and will love them the way I know you will.”

He nodded, still not looking up from the spot on the floor. “I’ll think about it.”

The tips of Belle’s high-heeled ankle booties invaded his line of sight as she stepped even closer, reaching out a hand to squeeze his arm.

“Thank you, Rumple,” she said. “Take all the time you need.”

He nodded again and listened to the click of her heels on the hardwood as she walked away. A jingle of the bell on the front door and she was gone.

He finally looked up, watching Belle’s retreating back through the window as she crossed the street to the library.

So Belle wanted to have a child with him.

He indulged himself for a moment, imagining a tiny baby girl with Belle’s eyes. He imagined watching Belle’s stomach grow rounder day by day, of sitting beside her in the hospital, of holding her hand when it came time to push. He’d missed both Baelfire and Gideon’s births. He hadn’t been present to support either of their mothers. He’d missed seeing their first breaths, of holding them on the day they were born. He imagined pouring over baby names with Belle, of coming up with one that suited their child together.

And then he thought of Belle doing all of that with some other faceless man, that jealous feeling churning in his stomach and making him want to throw up his breakfast.

There was only one way to answer Belle’s request.

Before he knew it, he was digging in his jacket pocket for his cell phone, flipping it open and punching in Belle’s number.

“Hey,” she said breathlessly, paused just outside the library door where he could still see her through the shop windows.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

Even from across the street he could see her brilliant smile. And in that moment, even though he was not literally going to be fucked, he knew he was so fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up truncated because I wanted to get something posted before Christmas. The second half of the chapter is mostly written and should be up early next week. Happy Holidays everyone!

A week later, Belle and Rumple had their first appointment with Dr. Whale to go over the ins and outs of the procedure while Granny watched Gideon for the afternoon. Rumple was more than a little uncomfortable with discussing his sperm overly much with an acquaintance like Frankenstein, but he supposed it was a necessary evil if he and Belle were ever going to have another baby.

Part of him wondered if they could just bypass the whole ordeal and go about things the old fashioned way. Having a one night stand with an ex couldn't possibly be worse than involving Whale in the process. But he'd never in a million years make the suggestion to Belle and he well knew that having Belle in his arms again for only one night would destroy him. So instead they were led into a spacious office, Dr. Whale gesturing to two open seats opposite his desk.

“I’ll admit, I never expected to see the two of you in here,” he said jovially as they took their seats. “Beauty and the Beast go to the fertility doctor. I should write a children’s book.”

He chuckled at his own joke as Rumple sat in stony-faced silence and Belle gave the doctor a choice eyebrow.

Whale coughed once, shuffling the papers on his desk before looking back to them.

“So, what exactly seems to be the problem?” he asked.

“We’d like to have another child,” Belle said, glancing sidelong at Rumple.

“And you’re having trouble getting pregnant? Age can be a factor in that,” Whale said with a glance to Rumple.

He felt his hand tighten into a fist in his lap, but before he could respond with a scathing remark, Belle had cut in.

“No, you misunderstand,” she clarified. “Um, we’re not together. We’d like to have another child but through artificial insemination.”

Dr. Whale frowned at them both. “But the old fashioned way is so much more fun!”

“Could you at least pretend to have some shred of professionalism,” Rumple snapped.

“Fine, yes,” Whale conceded. “Well, it’s pretty straight forward. You already have a donor here, and Belle you’re young and healthy. It should be a quick and painless process.”

“What’s the first step?” She asked, sitting forward slightly in her chair and hanging on the doctor’s every word. She was so eager for this to work, and despite Rumplestiltskin’s many misgivings, he wanted Belle to have everything her heart desired. If he could provide it, so much the better.

“Well, you’ll both need a complete physical,” Dr. Whale said, leaning forward on his elbows. “Belle, I know you had one last time you were here but Mr. Gold will need one as well. Then we’ll have to do a few tests; blood tests, an STD check, a semen analysis. Once you’re given the A-Okay, we’ll collect the sample from you and your part in the equation is done. Well, except for paying for college.”

Whale chuckled to himself again and Rumple was hard pressed to resist an eye roll.

“Of course,” Whale continued, “Many women like to have a partner or close friend with them for the actual insemination if you’d like to be present for that.”

He could feel Belle’s eyes on him and turned to look at her. She was blushing again. It seemed impossible for them to get through a conversation these days without her turning beet red.

“It’s okay with me,” she said in a small voice. “If you wanted to.”

The idea of sitting beside Belle as she was impregnated with his sperm via a third party was unthinkable. He’d never be able to look at their child without remembering the clinical process of its conception. His memories of Gideon’s conception were beautiful, warm, and happy despite everything that had come after. To bring a child into the world so coldly when his heart still beat so strongly for its mother, well, he’d rather not have the mental image to carry around with him for eternity.

“No,” he said finally. “I hardly think it would be appropriate.”

Belle simply nodded and looked away.

“Then once we get a sample, you’re good to go,” Whale said clapping his hands together. “Uh, we will need to have the semen in hand within two hours of ejaculation so we do suggest it be done here. Don’t worry we’ve got some very comfortable rooms specifically for that purpose.”

Rumple nodded. “So I’ve heard.”

“Top notch reading material, as well. All vetted personally,” Whale added with a wink.

“Am I done here?” Rumple asked, standing up from his chair. He’d had quite enough of Whale and this whole experience. Belle looked tense, still seated in her chair to his left, and he felt remorse for his outburst. But this was quite possibly the most uncomfortable he’d been in centuries of life. If anyone said the word “semen” again he was likely to level the entire block.

“Oh, just one more thing. You’ll need to abstain for two to three days prior to collecting the sample so we can get the best results.”

Rumple grimaced. Nothing like a doctor asking him to please keep his hands of the merchandise in front of his ex-wife to really humiliate him.

“Not a problem.”

“Well, then just make an appointment with my secretary and we’ll get the ball rolling,” Whale said motioning toward the door.

He gave an apologetic look to Belle before turning and leaving. He knew he should stick around and hear what her side of the procedure entailed, but he just couldn’t. The end result would be worth it. He and Belle would have another child, another perfect little baby to love and spoil rotten. But he couldn’t help how uncomfortable the whole process of getting the child made him.

Perhaps it was strange to feel embarrassed discussing such things with Belle. After all, they’d once been as close as it was possible for two people to be. But that was a long time ago now. Their new relationship was carefully distant and it felt like those carefully drawn lines were now being muddled. It was a self-preservation tactic, keeping Belle at arms length. If they grew too familiar it would shatter the broken little family they’d created. They’d end up back at square one where Belle was reminded of all the ways he’d failed her and left with their son, for good this time.

He couldn’t risk that.

That’s how he found himself on a Thursday afternoon, sitting in a small, windowless room with a sample cup in one hand and a dirty magazine in the other.

The room was pristinely white with a reclining chair like something out of a dentist’s office sat in the middle. To one side was a low table offering even more “reading material”.

Rumple set the cup down on the table, flipping through the magazine in his hand. Its glossy pages were covered in photos of scantily clad women in various alluring poses. He supposed they were attractive, all shiny hair and large breasts pushed forward so that their backs were arched at awkward angles, but his lower half was showing a complete lack of interest.

He tossed the magazine down on the pile with the others, sitting down on the offered chair and heaving a sigh.

This was hardly a place conducive to relaxing, and he needed to relax if this was to happen. There was a vase of flowers on the table next to the pornography, fresh Gerber daises in an array of sunny colors. He wondered idly if his former father-in-law provided them and it was enough to have him standing up and pacing the floor.

How the fuck was he supposed to do this?

He’d already visited earlier in the week to be poked and prodded, subject to blood tests and physical exams the likes of which he’d never experienced nor hoped to again. He was perfectly healthy, of course. He was an immortal sorcerer. The essence of the Dark One kept him in total health, needing him as a vessel. Ever since his heart had been scrubbed clean, he hadn’t had any issues with that either.

So he knew, physically, he was capable of the task at hand. Mentally, was another matter entirely.

He sat back down, breathing deeply through his nose and trying to stave off the panicked feeling burning in his chest.

How hard was it to masturbate? He’d certainly done it enough over the past three years of utter loneliness. True he usually did it in the comfort of his own home, in the dark of his own bedroom, rather than the brightly lit room he currently found himself in. He usually didn’t have to present the results to a medical professional afterward either.

He leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and trying to relax. Once he stopped feeling the need to vomit he reached for one of the magazines again, opening it up and staring down at the woman on the page. As luck would have it, this one wasn’t blonde like so many of the others. She had dark hair and blue eyes and if he squinted and cocked his head just the right way she almost looked like Belle.

He slammed his eyes shut at that thought. He shouldn’t be thinking of Belle right now. Granted he wasn’t sure what he should be thinking of. It seemed almost unseemly to think of another woman when he was trying to impregnate Belle. But thinking of Belle felt wrong too. It all felt wrong.

He cupped himself through his trousers, his cock completely flaccid despite the beautiful naked woman on the magazine page.

He was going to fail at this as he’d failed at so much else. He could never give Belle what she wanted. His own cock was betraying him.

Without another thought he pulled his cellphone out and punched in Belle’s number, resuming his pacing around the small room.

“I can’t do it,” he said frantically as soon as Belle had picked up. “Belle, this is just wrong. It’s all wrong.”

“What?” came Belle’s worried voice. “Why?”

“It’s a fucking office suite for masturbation, Belle!” he cried, so lost in his panic that he didn’t even care how ridiculous he probably sounded. “There’s fucking flower arrangements and ornamental lamps! It’s a goddamned masturbatorium.”

“Okay!” she said. “It’s okay. Just try to relax. Are there magazines or something?”

Rumple scoffed, slapping his hand against the stack of tawdry magazines. “Oh, yes, pornography handpicked by Whale is sure to get things moving,” he said scathingly.

“Then forget the magazines,” Belle said calmly. “Try thinking of something else like a fantasy you have or maybe a memory.”

He let out a ragged sob, raking a hand through his hair and for once missing the old length that gave him more to pull on in moments of crisis. He couldn’t sit here and talk sexual fantasies with Belle. It was the only thing that might be worse than jacking off in a room with a full nursing staff next door.

“I’m just going to go,” he said resignedly.

“No,” Belle pleaded. “Rumple, please. Please don’t leave.”

He stopped his pacing, sitting back on the provided chair. He knew Belle wanted a baby. Truth be told, so did he. They were in this together despite the ridiculousness. They both wanted the chance to finally do things right. The least he could do was try.

“Okay,” he agreed, getting ready to hang up and focus his efforts on getting an erection. But before he could cry off, Belle started speaking again.

“Do you, um, remember the night you got back from Neverland?” she began. “We, uh, hadn’t seen each other in a while and I was so afraid you’d die there and I’d never see you again.”

“I remember,” he said, wondering where she was going with this.

“Then you came back wearing all that leather and…God, you’d never looked so handsome. It took everything in me not to jump you on the docks the moment you got back.”

His eyebrows arched. If Belle was trying to give him confidence in himself she was sadly several centuries too late.

“Remember how I asked you to put the leather back on later that night?” she asked hesitantly. “You, uh, said if I chose your outfit, you got to pick mine out as well.”

He sighed at the memory, his lower half giving an interested little twitch. So that’s what she was doing. Clever girl.

“Do you remember what you asked me to wear, Rumple?” she continued. He didn’t think he was imagining the husky pitch to her voice.

“Yeah,” he gasped out. “That blue nightgown that matches your eyes. The one with all the lace.”

“Why was that one your favorite?” Belle asked. He could swear he could hear her smile through the phone.

“Left nothing to the imagination,” he said with a grin. “That lace barely covered your breasts and it was so short you might as well not be wearing anything at all. I could see everything.”

She giggled on the other end of the line and his smile grew even bigger.

“Do you remember what happened to that nightgown?”

“Aye, I ripped it in half to get you naked.”

“You still owe me for that, by the way. It was my favorite too.”

He chuckled, feeling himself relax even further.

“You, uh, went down on me for so long I thought I would pass out,” her voice was low, barely a whisper, but Rumple was hanging on every word. He wondered for the first time if she was at work. Little Belle hiding in the back of the library stacks and talking him into an orgasm. The thought sent a surge of heat down his spine where it settled in his balls. “By the time you finally got in me I was so sensitive I think I came on the spot. You felt amazing Rumple, you always felt so amazing.”

Gods he could imagine her taste on his tongue, musky and sweet. How he missed it. He could imagine the feel of her clenching around his cock, the wet heat of her overwhelming him, the sound of her breathy little cries in his ear as she came.

He was well and truly hard now and he palmed himself through his trousers, groaning at the friction against his cock. If only she’d keep talking he’d have his sample in no time.

Belle must have taken his groan for the appreciation it was because she kept talking.

“Afterward we took a shower together and it was the first time since you’d healed your ankle. You lifted me up like it was nothing and pressed me against the shower wall. Everything was slick and wet and you fucked me until we couldn’t stand. Then we sat on the floor of the shower just catching our breath and holding each other.”

Somehow he’d gotten his pants open and his cock in hand, stroking himself roughly at Belle’s words. With his eyes screwed shut and Belle’s voice in his ear, he could almost pretend he was back there all those years ago when Belle loved him and wanted him.

“Finally we made it back to bed and I thought we’d just go to sleep,” she continued. “It was so late by that point and we were so tired. But then we kissed goodnight and one kiss wasn’t enough. You used those magic fingers on me, slipping in and out and rubbing me in all the right places until I couldn't stand any more and I came again. You kissed me the whole time. I could barely catch my breath. And we were both still naked so it was nothing for you to just roll over me and sink in to me again.”

“Fuck,” he groaned as he tightened his grip on his cock. The word slipped out without warning and he clamped his mouth shut. But Belle just giggled again on the other end of the line.

“Yes we did,” she agreed.

“Belle,” he gasped. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say, just that he needed to say her name, to know it was Belle who was making him feel like this despite the fact that it was his hand on his cock.

“Rumple,” she said back and that was enough. Just hearing his name on her lips.

“I think that’ll do it, Belle, thanks,” he said, his voice strained to his own ears. He quickly flipped the phone shut, tossing it across the room. The last thing he wanted was his ex-wife listening to him come.

A second later he erupted, white heat shooting up his spine and leaving him breathless. He had just enough presence of mind to grab the sample cup and keep this whole ordeal from being a waste.

It wasn’t until he'd handed over the cup, cheeks burning with shame, and had left the clinic, safely in his Cadillac on the way home, that the full weight of what had happened set in. He was due to pick Gideon up tomorrow afternoon. He’d be face to face with Belle with her knowing full well he’d come to the sound of her voice in his ear not 24 hours prior. Gideon had been born out of love and reunion. This child would be born from him wanking to the memory of his child’s mother. And dear God she would always know that. 

He gripped the steering wheel tighter, a whole new wave of panic setting in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has been nominated for AU!OUAT at The Espenson Awards on tumblr! Thanks so much to everyone who nominated it!

Belle stared down at the phone in her hand, hardly believing what had just happened. She was equally surprised by the hand that had somehow snuck under her blouse during their conversation, stroking against her stomach idly. The dull ache between her thighs told her she’d been just as affected by their conversation as Rumple had apparently been.

It was just the memory she told herself, rolling over onto her back and shutting her eyes. He’d looked so damn good in that leather outfit, so reminiscent of the way he’d dressed in the Dark Castle.

She snaked her hand down between her thighs, pressing her fingers against her core just to take the edge off. It had been so long, no wonder she was keyed up from the phone call.

She’d closed the library when Rumple called, excusing herself upstairs to her old apartment and lying across the sofa. There was no one downstairs. No reason she couldn’t…

Belle bit her lip, hiking up her skirt and pushing her panties to the side before sinking two fingers into herself.

She was practically drenched from her conversation with Rumple and it only took a few pumps of her hand before she was breaking apart, biting down on her tongue to keep from screaming Rumple’s name.

She returned to the library red faced, with an internal monologue telling her just how much of an idiot she was to have ever started this whole thing. But with any luck, now it would be all behind them. Rumple’s part in the conception of their child was done, now she just had her half of the equation to do and voila, they’d never be in this situation again.

Unless it didn’t work.

Belle refused to think about that just now. They could cross that bridge if and when they came to it. If only it were as easy to push away the memory of the sounds Rumple made on his end of that phone call. If only she could ignore the tingly feeling that stole down her spine when she thought about what they’d done, that she’d made him come with nothing but her voice and a memory.

And now she found herself pacing around the front room of her house, waiting for Rumple to drop by and pick up Gideon for the week.

Her son was in his bedroom playing and blessedly ignorant of her current state of agitation. But Belle couldn’t seem to sit still.

What did this mean, if anything? If she really admitted it to herself, she was glad to have had some part in their child’s unorthodox conception. She was certainly happier to have Rumple thinking of her rather than some other woman from the pages of a glossy magazine. Gideon had been conceived in love, perhaps their second child could be conceived in the memory of it.

But that didn’t change the fact that coming face to face with Rumple after that phone call would be unbearably awkward. They hadn’t shared anything more intimate than a handshake in years and now in one afternoon they’d managed to completely shatter the carefully drawn lines that made their current relationship work. She threw her head back with a sigh. What the hell was she doing?

A curt knock on the door made her jump and let out a squeak. He was here.

She smoothed down her hair, pulling at the hem of her skirt and worrying over whether it was too short. Did it seem like she was trying to look nice for him or something? Did she have time to go and change?

Another knock rang out across the entryway and she rushed for the door, throwing it open to the sight of her ex-husband with his hand still raised to rap against it.

“Rumple,” she said breathlessly, trying not to think about the fact that she’d groaned out that very name as she made herself come the day before.

“Belle,” he said with a nod.

“Oh!” she exclaimed after a moment of him looking at her expectantly. “Come in.”

She moved out of the doorway, ushering him into the front hall where they just stood, staring at each other, for far too long.

“How did everything go?” she asked finally, stumbling over her words. “With the thing, with the, you know, the doctor’s appointment.”

She was being so incredibly awkward. But she wasn’t sure where they were now. Had the phone call changed anything? They both wanted the same thing, for Rumple to relax enough to climax under highly unusual circumstances. It didn’t mean anything that they’d used a shared memory to achieve it. Or that it had been so resoundingly successful for both of them. It was just sex, after all. They’d been fairly proficient at making each other come. That didn’t go away just because the nature of their relationship changed. And Rumple need never know that she’d enjoyed it just as much as he had.

“Fine,” he said with a nod, shoving his hands into the pockets of his overcoat. “I think we should be just fine.”

“Great,” she nodded back.

There was silence for a full twenty seconds that seemed to drag on endlessly before Belle broke it.

“There’s no reason for us to feel awkward about what happened.”

“Alright.”

“No, I mean it,” she continued emphatically. “It didn’t mean anything. We were just getting things moving. It was completely natural.”

Rumple looked down at his feet. “Yes,” he agreed.

“I just,” Belle shook her head, wishing she could stop talking but wanting to make things right at the same time. “I really value the relationship we have now. I don’t want it to change.”

“Of course not,” Rumple said with a nod. “Don’t worry, Belle, I’m not under any illusions that we’re suddenly going to embark on a romantic relationship again. That ship sailed long ago.”

She stepped back at his words, feeling them like a body blow. It was exactly what she wanted but it still felt like a slap, like rejection.

“Fine,” she said, perhaps a little sharply. Rumple looked up, his eyebrow quirking at her sudden shift in mood.

“I’ll get Gideon!” she said, her voice a little too loud in her small entryway. She fled down the hallway to her son’s room, wanting nothing more than to be out of Rumple’s presence. She stopped in the hall, just outside Gideon’s room and took a deep breath. God, she hadn’t felt this conflicted about Rumple in years. She was happy with the way things were, wasn’t she? What they had now worked. Their marriage had certainly never worked this well.

And yet here she was feeling, what, disappointed? She wasn’t even sure what she was disappointed in. Perhaps that Rumple could seem so calm and collected in spite of what had happened the day before. The fact that he could just turn off any residual feelings he may have for her in a way she found impossible.

Belle shook her head. For gods sake it wasn’t as though they’d had sex. It had been a phone call and a little pathetic wanking to relieve the tension. She was being silly. She straightened her spine and turned back to her son’s room.

“Hey, Gid,” she said peeking her head in the door. “Papa’s here.”

Gideon jumped up from where he was playing with his Duplo blocks and rushed past her to the entryway and straight into his father’s arms. And just like that the awkwardness seemed to dissipate. This is what it was about after all. The two of them doing what was best for their children hypothetical or otherwise, just as they always had.

“Um, my appointment is tomorrow,” she said as she handed off Gideon’s suitcase. “I know you said you didn’t want to come, but you’re still welcome if you change your mind.”

Rumple froze, his hand still outstretched with Gideon’s bag.

“Tomorrow?” he said with surprise. “It’s that soon?”

Belle gave a shrug. “It’s a bit time sensitive.”

Rumple nodded. “I suppose it is. I’m afraid I’ll be quite busy tomorrow. And I have Gideon as well.”

“Oh, of course,” Belle exclaimed, crossing her arms against her chest, as if that could somehow shield her from hurt feelings. Rumple had already told her he didn’t want to go to her appointment with her. Pressing the subject certainly wouldn’t change his mind. He had wanted to stay as removed from all this as possible and she kept forcing her way in, removing boundaries that were there for a reason.

“Well, I’ll see you later then,” she said, hating that her voice wavered a bit on the words. “Bye, Gid. Be good for your papa.”

"Bye, Mummy!" Gideon hugged her around her knees before grabbing his father’s hand and happily being led to the Cadillac. Belle shut the door, leaning against it once she was blessedly alone. For once she was happy to have some time to herself. 

* * *

The following afternoon found Belle in a hospital gown, lying back on an exam table with her feet up in stirrups. It was no different than going to the gynecologist, but somehow knowing she was about to be impregnated made her want to slam her knees together.

What the hell was she doing? She’d cornered Rumple and asked him for an impossibly huge favor, he’d gone through the awkwardness and embarrassment on his end and now here she sat rethinking the entire thing. What if Rumple was right when he said this was the wrong way to have a child? What if he’d felt coerced into giving her what she wanted?

Her heart was pounding in her chest, anxiety overwhelming her as she tried to get a breath into lungs that suddenly felt tight and uncooperative.

She wished Rumple had come with her and then she felt guilty for wishing such a thing. He wasn’t doing this for her. He was doing it because they both wanted another child, to expand their broken little family. She had been the one to end things between them. She had been the one to decide they shouldn’t try to work things out. It wasn’t fair of her to go back on that now, to insist that Rumple provide her with support and love. She had made this bed and she had to lie in it, quite literally at the moment.

Rumple couldn’t have been more clear the day before that he wanted nothing to do with her in that capacity. Whatever had happened on that phone call had been a physical release and nothing more. He clearly felt nothing for her beyond friendship and the care you maintain for the parent of your child. If he loved her at all anymore it was for Gideon’s sake alone. No matter what feelings had been awoken in her over the past few days, she couldn’t project them on Rumple.

She sighed, rubbing her hands over her stomach and praying this would work. There was no chance she could ask Rumple to do this again.

Still, she needed him now, no matter that she had no right to, and he wasn’t here.

She shut her eyes, feeling hot tears leaking down her cheeks as her breath came out in shuddering gasps.

“Belle?” Dr. Whale asked as he entered the room. “Are you alright?”

She sat up with some difficulty, her feet still in the stirrups, and swiped at her eyes.

“Fine,” she lied. “Just a little nervous.”

Dr. Whale smiled at her reassuringly. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. I’ll be in and out before you know it. You won’t feel a thing.”

Belle swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding her head as if her fears were in any way related to possible pain from the procedure.

“Would you like another moment to yourself?” he asked.

Belle shook her head emphatically. The last thing she wanted was to think about this decision even more. She’d come too far at this point. She wanted a baby. This was the only way she was going to have another child.

“No. Lets do it.”

Whale smiled again, pulling a tray around to where her feet were suspended.

“You’re sure that’s the right sample, right?” she asked, suddenly overcome with the thought that there could have been some sort of mix up at the lab. That some other woman would be carrying Rumple’s child around her belly. The thought made bile rise up the back of her throat.

“Positive, Belle,” Dr. Whale said with a wink. “Now try to relax.”

She nodded, lying back on the exam table and trying to breathe normally. A few minutes later, Dr. Whale popped back up from between her legs.

“All done,” he said, removing his gloves and packing away the instruments on the table next to him. “Just rest here for the next twenty minutes and then you’re free to go.”

Doctor Whale dimmed the lights, pulling the privacy curtain around the bed and left Belle to her own thoughts.

Well, that certainly hadn’t been as enjoyable as conceiving Gideon had been. It was almost anticlimactic. At least Rumple got an orgasm out of his end of the bargain, no matter how distressingly obtained.

When she finally left the clinic, after lying still for a solid half hour to make sure Rumple’s sperm did its job, Belle would have liked nothing more than a stiff drink. Her current situation made that inadvisable however, so she settled for ice cream.

Granny’s was nearly empty, the late afternoon calm before the dinner rush, and she settled herself at the counter, ordering an ice cream sundae to drown her muddled thoughts in.

She was staring into her half melted sundae, drawing patterns and swirls of chocolate sauce through the vanilla ice cream when a voice roused her from her reverie.

“Alright, what is it this time?”

Belle startled, looking up to see Granny across the counter from her.

“I beg your pardon?”

Granny sighed, crossing her arms against her ample bosom.

“Your favorite thing to do when you’re upset is come in here, order my delicious food, and then refuse to eat it,” she said with a nod to Belle’s bowl.

Belle scooped up a spoonful of ice cream, stuffing it in her mouth in silent protest. Granny just rolled her eyes.

“What did he do this time?”

“Who?” Belle asked, feigning ignorance.

Granny rolled her eyes again and Belle was sure that one day they’d end up stuck in that position.

“That man of yours, of course.”

Belle affixed her most winning smile, the one she’d used to placate Gaston constantly when they were engaged.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, Granny, but I don’t have a man.”

Granny snorted. “Sure you don’t. But you have a bastard ex-husband, which is just as bad. What do I have to do to get you to spill, missy? Break out the vodka?”

“Oh, I can’t drink,” Belle said without thinking.

Granny stared at her for a full fifteen seconds before she exploded.

“Are you stupid?”

“Granny!” Belle exclaimed.

“It’s a rhetorical question,” Granny said, leaning up against the counter. “I know you’re not. But you’re certainly acting it."

“What are you talking about?” Belle asked confusedly.

“Belle, you were married to the man, you share a child, you probably know him better than most anyone, I’ll give you that. But he is and always will be a dangerous man. I’ve seen you in here with your heart broken to pieces more times than I can count and it’s always his fault. Why do you let him do this to you?”

Belle felt chastened, her cheeks reddening from Granny’s verbal assault on Rumple.

“He didn’t do anything.”

“You got yourself pregnant without him, then?”

“No!” she exclaimed, glancing around the mostly empty diner to make sure no one had overheard them. “Granny, I’m not pregnant, not yet anyway I don’t think. I could be, but it’s far too early to know.”

Granny shook her head. “Do I have to have the safe sex talk with you? It’s been years since I gave it to Ruby and I’m a little rusty, but so help me I will break out the pamphlets.”

Belle shook her head.

“Granny, we’re _trying_ to have a baby together,” she explained. “Through Dr. Whale’s clinic.”

Granny blinked at her owlishly. “You’re using a fertility clinic? Why? You’re cutting out the fun part.”

Belle felt her eyes bulge. “You’re the one who just gave me a lecture about not sleeping with Rumple now you want me to? You sound like Whale.”

“First things first, don’t ever compare me to that quack doctor again,” Granny said, one finger raised in the air. “Second, why are you trying to have a baby with Gold? An accident is bad enough, but this is purposeful.”

“We want another child,” Belle said with a shrug. “Gideon is getting older and his birth was so unorthodox…”

“Because of Rumplestiltskin,” Granny said baldly. “Seeing you balloon up right in the middle of this diner is not something I’m likely to forget anytime soon.”

“He didn’t speed up my pregnancy,” Belle said measuredly. They’d been over this before but Granny still insisted that everything that had gone wrong with Gideon had been Rumple’s fault.

“He may as well have,” Granny said. “And now you think a second child with him is going to be any easier?”

Belle chewed on her lip for a moment. She could certainly understand that from an outsider’s perspective, she seemed insane. Hell, she seemed insane from her own perspective as well. But over the past three years Rumple had earned back so much of her trust. She had to trust him to raise Gideon with him, and as that trust built up so did her belief in his goodness. He was still that man she'd seen so many years ago, a good one, in spite of everything.

“We’re in a good place,” she countered. “Not like last time where everything was such a mess.”

“You’re not even together,” Granny deadpanned.

“Exactly. And I think we’ve been good parents to Gideon that way. I don’t see why we couldn’t raise another child in the same way.”

“You’re being naïve, Belle.”

“Maybe I am,” she conceded. “But this is what I want, it’s what we both want.”

Granny sighed. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” Belle said with conviction. It was the most assured she felt since before the phone call with Rumple. Things were going to be alright. She was going to have another baby. Rumple would be there throughout the pregnancy, for all the things he’d missed with Gideon. It didn’t matter that they were no longer romantically involved. If anything, that made all of this easier. If she could just tamp down on her latent feelings for him, everything would go perfectly smoothly.

“Alright then,” Granny nodded. “If you’re sure this is what you want, I’ll support you.”

“Thank you, Granny,” Belle said, honestly touched. It was amazing how good a little bit of support felt. This process had left her feeling even more alone than usual and having Granny to talk to was a boon she hadn’t counted on.

Granny replenished her ruined ice cream sundae, refusing to let her pay, and by the time Belle had finished her dessert she felt markedly better.

* * *

Rumple had just tucked Gideon into bed for the night, shuffling down the stairs and into the living room to pour himself a drink and settle in with a book. Not too long ago he’d have found some nefarious plot to get up to, some goings on in Storybrooke to stick his fingers in, but he rather thought fatherhood had mellowed him. He couldn’t leave the house while Gideon was asleep upstairs so he was limited on what mayhem he could cause.

And he found that he didn’t want to be up to any of his old tricks anymore. Gideon was the most important thing. As long as his son was safe and happy, he had no desire for anything else.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.

He still wanted Belle, and that would likely never change. It had been a week and a half since the insemination and they’d been on tenterhooks ever since to see if Belle would get pregnant or they’d be stuck doing this again next month. Rumple wasn’t sure he could muster the courage to face that tiny white room again and the shame that came along with it. He also wasn’t sure he and Belle could survive another masturbatory phone call. He was certain he wouldn’t. It was as if that one moment had opened the floodgates. He was suddenly thinking about things, dwelling on memories, he hadn’t allowed himself to recall in years. Every time he closed his eyes he was faced with the image of Belle’s face at the height of orgasm, the sight of her breasts and how they perfectly fit the palm of his hand, the image of her perfect little mouth wrapped around his cock, and then he’d have to excuse himself to a cold shower and the relief it offered. Because he refused to abuse himself to the image of his ex-wife again. That way only led to pain, heartbreak and the inability to look Belle in the eye.

But now he had Belle on his mind and before he knew it a chance glance at the living room sofa had him remembering a particularly wonderful evening they’d spent there.

“Fuck,” he muttered, looking down with a kind of weary resignation at the tenting of his trousers. He didn’t want to take a shower just now.

He glanced around the empty room, his ears straining for any sign that Gideon was awake, but the only sound that answered was the gentle ticking of the clock on the mantle.

It was completely ill advised, but he sunk back into his armchair, stroking himself through his trousers. He needed some relief, he told himself. He’d been walking around keyed up for two weeks. What harm could it really do?

With that in mind, he undid his belt, pulling down his zipper and…

A sudden knock on the door startled him and he nearly fell out of his chair.

“Fuck,” he exclaimed again, stuffing himself back in to his pants with difficulty. “Coming!” he called.

He stood up, taking a deep, calming breath and trying to compose himself. It wouldn’t do to open the door with a raging hard on.

He made his way to the front door, opening it just a crack and peering outside.

“Belle!” he exclaimed. The object of his recent thoughts was standing on his doorstep, her eyes red and her face tear streaked. He threw open the door all the way without another thought. “What’s wrong?”

“Rumple,” she sniffled. “It didn’t work.”

And then she threw herself into his arms, her shoulders shaking and tears soaking his waistcoat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up getting away from me so it's been split in two. This whole story is turning out much longer than anticipated.

Rumple patted Belle’s back awkwardly. The good news was that the sight of her tears had completely killed his flagging erection that had been poking Belle in the stomach when she first threw herself at him. He hoped that she was too overwrought to have felt it, or at the very least had the good taste not to bring it up.

After a few moments, Belle's sobs gave way to soft hiccups and sniffles. 

“What’s wrong, Belle?” he asked, pulling back from her and leading her inside. He shut the door behind her and steered her into the living room, diverting her away from the armchair he had just vacated and settling her on to the sofa.

“It didn’t work,” she repeated miserably. Rumple handed her his burgundy handkerchief and she dabbed at her eyes ruefully. “This whole stupid plan it didn’t work. I’m not pregnant.”

“Ah,” he said, sitting down beside her. So the artificial insemination had failed. It was impossible to know for sure, but Rumple felt this had to somehow be his fault. Perhaps his stress level had been to high to get a good enough sample.

“I’m so sorry, Belle,” he said truthfully. “I know how much you wanted this.”

She dragged a hand through her hair that only seemed to tangle the dark curls more.

“Well,” she said, her thin shoulders bobbing up and down with a shrug. “That’s that. It wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”

Rumple wasn’t sure what to say. Belle wanted a child. So did he. But there was a seed of relief in him as well.

He hated to admit it, but he hadn't been sold on her idea. He was slightly panicked at the idea of being a father again and he knew from experience that his panic led to Belle’s trauma. And he still wasn’t sold on their method of conception either. If it had failed, perhaps it was for the best.

It was hard to be too convinced of that when Belle was so miserable though.

Another sob erupted from her throat and she buried her head against Rumple’s shoulder. He could do nothing but wrap his arm around her tentatively, hoping his touch was welcome. Eventually Belle resurfaced, wiping her tears and leaving tracks of smeared mascara under her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said hoarsely.

“You’ve nothing to apologize for,” Rumple assured her, smoothing her tangled hair back from her face.

“Maybe this was just stupid,” she said. “The idea that I needed another child. I don’t need a baby. I have Gideon and he is more than enough for me. He’s perfect.”

Rumple couldn’t argue with that, but his heart hurt for Belle regardless.

“Oh, Belle, you deserve everything you could possibly want. And of course you want another baby. After everything that happened when Gideon was born it’s only natural.”

Belle just nodded, looking down at her clasped hands sadly. There was silence for a long moment before she looked up at him from beneath her wet lashes.

“Was I, um, interrupting anything?” she asked tentatively.

“No,” Rumple said with a shake of his head.

“Oh,” Belle nodded. “I thought…never mind.”

“What?” he asked, confusedly.

“You, um,” she began. “I thought maybe you’d had company or were otherwise engaged.”

Rumple was still at a loss until Belle’s eyes flicked down to the front of his trousers. Horrifying comprehension dawned on him and he could feel the blood rushing to his face. So she had felt that after all.

“No,” he exclaimed. “Nothing. Not…no.”

“Okay,” Belle said with a nod. “Sorry.”

Another beat of awkward silence followed as Belle became intent upon her left thumbnail and Rumple tried to figure out how best to move away from her without seeming obvious.

“Would you like a drink?” he asked finally in an attempt to cover the awkwardness. He should let her leave, but it felt so damn good to have her here. And she'd come to him for comfort in her distress. That had to mean something, didn't it? “I was about to have one myself before you arrived.”

Belle snorted. “Why not? I’m not pregnant.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if you were,” he chuckled, making his way over to the bar in the corner and pouring them each a measure of whisky.

“Hook did,” Belle said suddenly as he returned to her side, handing her a cut crystal tumbler of the amber liquid. “When I was pregnant with Gideon, he tried to give me rum.”

Rumple’s teeth ground together at the reminder of Belle staying with the pirate, even for that short amount of time.

“Yes, well, he’s always been a responsible one.”

Belle snorted again, hiding her face in her glass.

“So,” Rumple ventured. “What else is new?”

Belle laughed out loud at that and it was such a relief to see her smile. It was ridiculous that they were sitting here together, having a drink on his sofa. It hadn’t happened in years, not since before they’d split up. Of course, back then, their night would have ended very differently than tonight when Belle would inevitably recognize how horribly inappropriate all this was and go home to her own house.

“Um, not a whole lot actually,” she said finally, answering his question. “The town continues to be horrible at reshelving their library books. I’m thinking of closing the magic tomes section on weekends because the Charmings do a real number on my organization system if left unattended.”

“That’s hardly surprising,” he offered. “They barged into my shop last week for a potion to counter transfiguration. Apparently a witch had gotten fed up with girl scouts selling cookies and turned several of them into newts.”

Belle’s face was a mixture of horror and humor. “Did you turn them back?”

“Of course,” Rumple shrugged. “For a price.”

Belle rolled her eyes. “What did you ask for this time?”

“David owes me a favor. Perhaps I’ll make him get a drink with me,” he deadpanned. “Go golfing. Male bonding of some sort, he’d hate that.”

Belle choked on the sip she was taking and Rumple thumped her on the back.

“Golf?” she giggled. “I can't imagine you playing golf.”

"I hear it's very relaxing," Rumple returned. "I think I'd be a natural." 

They lapsed into silence again, but this time it was companionable. There was no pressing need to fill it, just two people enjoying each other's company. Rumple had missed this, the companionship, the ease with which they could hold a conversation. Regardless of how polite they were to each other for Gideon's sake, they'd never been quite comfortable in these past three years. Perhaps the arrangement they'd been so proud of had its flaws after all.  

“Did you hear Leroy and Astrid are finally engaged?” Belle asked, her eyes lighting up at the share of gossip.

Rumple couldn’t care less about the dwarf and fairy, but it seemed imprudent to say so. “Good for them.”

“Yeah,” Belle said, looking wistful for a moment. “You know I’m the one who got them together in the first place, right? I, uh, met Grumpy in a dwarf tavern not long after I left your castle. He was hung up on her even way back then.”

“A long time coming then,” he said, taking a long sip of his whisky.

“Yeah,” Belle said again. “It’s kind of crazy, right? I mean, in the time it took us to break up and make up how many times, get married, get divorced, have a baby, and they’re still on their first try.”

“I wish them better luck than we've had,” he said wryly, raising his glass to the newly engaged couple. 

His words brought their conversation to a standstill. Their friendship only worked if they kept things light and superficial. Anything that delved too deep, any mention of the love they’d once shared, would bring things to a grinding halt.

The silence was broken by a sniffle and Rumple realized Belle was crying again. Damn it all, they'd had a moment where everything seemed right between them and he'd managed to ruin it.

"Belle," he said softly, reaching out to rub her shoulder. “I didn’t mean…” he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Belle just shook her head.

“God,” she sighed, wiping at her tears. “I’m sorry I keep doing this.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her.

She took a few deep breaths, trying to compose herself.

“I just really wanted a baby, Rumple,” she said with a shake of her head. “I can’t even explain why.”

She looked so small and sad and he just wanted to make her feel better, reassure her in some way. Hell, he’d go through it again, do it all over again, if it would make Belle happy.

“Well, we’ve done it before, I’m sure we can do it again,” he said gamely, squeezing her shoulder.

“We could….” She cut off, not finishing her sentence.

“What?” he asked. He was open to any suggestion she might have to make this whole thing easier.

Belle took a gulp of her drink, almost finishing it off before speaking. 

“We could just try the other way.” Her voice tilted up on the last syllable making her statement sound like a question.

Rumple’s brow wrinkled in confusion. If there was another way that didn’t have him making another trip to Dr. Whale’s Magical Masturbatorium he was all for it. Why hadn’t she suggested it before?

“What way is that?” he asked.

Belle blushed, her eyes rolling slightly at his obtuseness.

“You know what I mean, Rumple. The old fashioned way.”

“Old fashioned,” he said, his mind slowly catching up. She couldn’t possibly be suggesting what he thought she was. “You mean…”

“Yes,” Belle answered. Her face was unsure, open and scared and vulnerable in a way he couldn’t quite handle.

“What, right now?” he squeaked out. Gideon was asleep upstairs. They hadn’t been intimate in that way since he was conceived. Belle was in a state of emotional turmoil that he absolutely refused to take advantage of.

“No!” Belle protested. “I mean it would have to be when I’m ovulating. Right now is definitely not the right time. But it couldn’t hurt, right? I mean, it wouldn’t mean anything. It would just be for the baby. No mess, no frills, just punch in and punch out.”

Rumple’s heartbeat seemed to slow now that it had been made known he wouldn’t be expected to perform on command tonight. But that only lessened his anxiety by a fraction. Belle couldn't possibly be serious. 

“As appealing as that sounds, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh,” Belle said, her voice sounding disappointed. “Of course, you’re right.”

“Not that I wouldn’t want to,” he amended, wincing at how eager that sounded. No need to be quite so obvious to your ex-wife that you were hard up for her. “Just, don’t you think it would complicate things between us a bit?”

That sounded better, he felt. Focus on how well things had been going between them the past three years. Don’t focus on how very much he wanted to take her up on her offer right that moment.

“It doesn’t have to,” Belle said, always the optimist, her eyes shining with something like hope. “It doesn’t have to change anything. Not if we don’t want it to.”

And why would she want it to? Belle was perfectly happy with how things had been going between them. She didn’t want any more from him than his genetic material and his ability as a parent. He wanted so much more.

So he couldn’t do this. Not now and not ever. As enticing as the idea of being with Belle again was, it just simply wouldn’t be enough. It would just leave him wanting her even more.

“Sweetheart,” he protested, the endearment slipping from his lips without authorization. “You’re upset and you may feel very differently tomorrow. Can we table this discussion until later?”

“Alright,” Belle agreed, looking back down into her glass. “You’re right of course. It’s a stupid idea. I seem full of them lately.”

That sickening silence engulfed them once again, only broken by the sound of the mantle clock ticking and the gentle sloshing of their whisky as they both brought their glasses to their lips at the same time. Rumplestiltskin realized with a start that he’d finished his and set his glass aside on the coffee table, instantly regretting the decision when he had nothing left to do with his hands.

“Another?” he asked, motioning to Belle’s equally empty glass.

“I shouldn’t,” she said with a shake of her head.

Rumple nodded. It was time for her to go, he supposed. He could walk her to the door, bid her goodnight, and retreat to that shower he’d been pondering before she’d arrived. She’d certainly provided him with enough fodder to torture him for the next week at least.

“It’s getting late,” he said, standing from the couch and wringing his hands together for lack of something better to do with them. “I suppose…”

“Can I stay?” she interrupted, her voice small and wavering. “I know I shouldn’t,” she was quick to add. “But it’s late and Gideon is here. I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

His mouth dropped open at the unexpected request. Belle wanted to stay here, with him. It had been years since they’d slept under the same roof.

“Sure,” he said with a nod. It was another chip in their arrangement, another step beyond the boundaries that had worked for them for the past three years. But he thrilled at the idea of Belle being so close.

She smiled up at him shyly, a blush tinting her cheeks. She was so beautiful it sometimes still took him by surprise, rendering him breathless.

Belle took his glass from the coffee table, bringing both of them into the kitchen and rinsing them in the sink. Rumple just stood dumbly in the living room, unsure of what he was supposed to do next. When Belle returned, she motioned to the stairs.

“Lead the way,” she said.

He could feel his mouth hanging open still and gave his head a little shake before complying. She followed him up the stairs in silence, stopping outside his bedroom, one that had once, ever so briefly, been theirs.

“I’ll find you something to sleep in,” he said, motioning to the door behind him. Belle nodded and stood in the doorway as he went to rifle through one of his drawers, surfacing a moment later with one of his silk pajama shirts. It would swamp her, but definitely be long enough to cover everything vital.

“Here,” he said, handing it over. Belle hugged the shirt to her chest, still just standing in the doorway expectantly.

“The guest room down the hall should have fresh sheets,” he prompted.

“Oh,” Belle said, biting her lip indecisively. “I mean…could I stay with you instead?”

His stomach flipped uncomfortably, a tingle going down his spine at her words.

“What?”

“I promise not to jump you in the middle of the night if that’s what you’re worried about,” she said dryly.

“No, of course not,” he protested.

“I just…” she left off, twisting the silk fabric in her hands. “I don’t want to be alone. If I’m down the hall I’m still alone.”

“Oh,” he said dumbly.

They stared at each other for a moment, before something broke in Belle’s eyes. She gave a little nod before turning to scurry off down the hall.

“Belle,” he called after her, his voice a loud whisper, trying to keep from waking Gideon. Her shoulders tensed, her body straightening and steeling before turning to look at him. “Why?”

He wasn’t sure what he was really asking. Why she wanted a child with him? Why she’d want to spend the night with him, even just to lie innocently side-by-side? Why she still seemed to give a damn after everything they’d been through? Why they could never just end this thing, rip it off cleanly like a bandage and throw it away? Why they continued to torture each other, never really letting go?

Belle shrugged, just one tiny lift of her left shoulder, but he felt like so many conflicting emotions were captured in that tiny motion.

“Because, despite my better judgment, you still feel like home.”

He didn’t say anything in response, simply moved to the side of the doorway, an open invitation for her to join him. He wasn’t sure if the whisky had loosened her tongue, if she meant a word of it, but if he could be home for Belle, even for one night, he’d do it, damn the morning after. And he knew in that moment, if she was still serious about trying for a child the other way in the sobering light of day, he’d do that too, no matter that it would destroy him.

She smiled at him, a little relieved breath leaving her chest as she entered the room. They took turns changing in the en suite bathroom and before Rumple knew it he was lying in bed next to his ex-wife. It felt right having her here again, just an arms length away beneath the coverlet. It took everything in him not to reach out for her, to spoon up behind her as he would have once upon a time. Instead he crossed his arms against his chest, rolling on to his side with his back to Belle.

She wasn’t his wife anymore and he couldn't forget that, no matter how much he'd like to pretend otherwise. His poor heart couldn’t take it. He loved her. He’d never stop loving her. But that didn’t mean they should be together. He’d hurt her as much as it was possible to hurt someone and he was terrified to do it again. Keeping distance between them was a self-preservation tactic, yes, but it was to preserve Belle as well. Sleeping in the same bed was an overstep they shouldn't have taken. Tomorrow would hurt badly enough without cuddling up to her tonight. 

Belle's breathing evened out behind him until she was snoring lightly. He'd almost forgotten she tended to snore, cute little sniffles coming from the opposite side of the bed. In spite of himself, he rolled over, watching the curve of her cheek, the rise and fall of her chest, in the darkness. He reached out, pushing a rogue curl back from her face. Belle stirred slightly, turning her face into his touch with a sigh and despite his better judgment he left his hand there, relishing the warmth and softness of her skin.

"Enough," he murmured to himself, pulling his hand back and settling on his back. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep tonight. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

It was the first time Belle had awoken in Rumple’s arms in three years.

She couldn’t quite believe how good it felt, just to be held by someone. It was amazing how quickly you could become accustomed to being lonely. Belle had friends, a son, a co-parent, but it wasn’t the same as having a partner. She missed that, if she let herself really think about it.

She wasn’t sure when in the night they’d found each other. When she’d fallen asleep, Rumple was all the way on the other side of the bed with his back turned to her, seemingly as far away as possible. But now he was pressed up behind her, his arms wrapped tightly around her as if clinging to her in his sleep.

His breath was hot against her neck, stirring the curls at her nape with every exhale. It sent little shivers down her spine to have him so close. She chalked that up to loneliness more than anything else.

She really shouldn’t have stayed.

But she hadn’t wanted to be alone last night, and Rumple was familiar. She hadn’t lied when she told him he felt like home. This house, this bed, the scent of him that clung to her nightshirt and the sheets, surrounding her with its comforting embrace, it was all home. She’d never felt more comfortable, more at ease, than she did in his arms. It had been like that from almost the very beginning. Something just clicked in to place when they were together, a puzzle piece fitting together. He was the other half of her soul and always had been no matter how many times they’d been driven apart.

And now, with the feel of the hard planes of his chest pressed to her back, she felt more at home than she had in years. The thought should probably frighten her, send her running from the bed, but for now it didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she wanted Rumple back, to try their hand at a relationship again. She was fairly certain Rumple wasn’t interested in that anyway. But lying here with him was a welcome respite from a life she hadn’t quite realized had made her so weary.

Rumple grunted in his sleep, his arms tightening around her and pulling her even closer. She felt the telltale signs of something else pressing into her back, but she’d never draw attention to it. She was fairly certain she and Rumple had faced enough erection related embarrassment of late. Though between last night and this morning, she was a little unsure of why he’d needed her help at the sperm bank. Everything seemed to be working just fine for him in that department.

She pressed herself back against him experimentally and Rumple let out a grunt in his sleep, his hips pressing against her backside. She wasn’t quite prepared for the shock that ran through her, settling heavily between her thighs, the awareness of how much her body missed his. If she was entirely honest with herself, her suggestion the night before that they try things the old fashioned way was only partly borne of wanting a child, and partly borne of just wanting him.

Her eyes slammed shut, her cheeks heating at the thought of what she’d said the night before. She wasn’t prepared to discuss it just yet.

She settled in, not wanting to disturb Rumple and ruin the moment. He would wake up soon enough and everything would go back to being tense and slightly awkward. He’d probably apologize for accidentally cuddling her in his sleep. Everything would go back to how it had been for years. For the first time, Belle wasn’t sure she wanted that.

For now, she just wanted to pretend they were happy.

The peace lasted all of five minutes before the door cracked open, a tousled brunette head poking in.

“Mummy?” Came Gideon’s confused voice from the doorway, the door swinging open wide. “It’s not Friday. Why are you here?”

Belle sat up quickly, Rumple grunting awake beside her, his arm still draped across her waist.

“Hey, sweetheart,” she said. “Good morning.”

Gideon just continued to stare at them from the doorway, rubbing his right foot against his left shin and looking confused.

“Why are you in Papa’s bed?” he asked.

Rumple had sprung away from her a little belatedly, rolling to the side and rubbing a hand against his bleary eyes.

“Hey, Gid,” he said groggily. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Why is Mummy here?” he asked again, clearly not letting the novelty of his parents asleep in the same bed rest.

Belle looked over at Rumple, waiting for him to come up with some sort of explanation. There was nothing untoward happening, but it was still hard to explain to their baby.

“Mummy came over to talk last night and it got late,” Rumple said. “She decided to sleep here instead of going all the way home.”

“Why?” he said again.

“Because she was sleepy and didn’t want to drive,” Rumple lied smoothly. “So she went to sleep here.”

“Oh,” Gideon said, mulling over his father’s words. “Like a sleepover?”

“Yes!” Belle latched on to the term. “Just like that.”

“Cool,” Gideon said, crossing the room and crawling on to the bed between them, his curiosity seemingly satisfied.

Rumple glanced at Belle over their son’s head and she smiled at him shyly. His eyes darted away and she knew immediately that they would never discuss the position they’d awoken in.

* * *

It was soon decided that breakfast at Granny’s was in order. Belle freshened up as best she could in the en-suite, putting yesterday’s clothes back on. She was grateful for her coat just in case anyone in town noticed she hadn’t slept at home the night before.

They walked in to town together, Gideon holding their hands and swinging between them, babbling away happily.

“Mummy you should have a sleepover every night,” Gideon said, beaming up at her.

Rumple’s face was impassive, staring straight ahead. She could tell the whole morning had made him uncomfortable and that Gideon getting any big ideas would only make things worse.

“I think it was a one time thing, Gid,” she said. “Papa was very gracious to let me stay the night, but I don’t think it’ll happen again.”

Rumple’s eyes darted to her and then away again just as quickly. She wished she could tell what he was thinking, but for once she couldn’t read him. He was completely closed off to her.

She let out a little sigh, tightening her grip on Gideon’s hand. She’d managed to ruin things, push him ever further away, with her little stunt last night. She couldn’t even think about what she’d propositioned, that they could somehow sleep together. Rumple’s body might still respond to hers, but his heart was definitely not in it. It might make things easy for him, but it would kill her. To have Rumple in her bed again, but with no warmth, no love, it would break her heart.

And on the off chance he did feel the same way as her, what then? Could they make another go of it at this late stage? Would it even be worth it?

The truth was, Belle was scared. As good as it felt to wake up in Rumple’s arms, she knew what lay down that path. Being with Rumple was a gamble, and she would constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Every time she thought things were going well between them, something happened to utterly destroy it. The day after Rumple told her he wanted a future with her, he up and died. She’d thought they were happy during their marriage only to find he’d lied to her the whole time. And when they’d finally gotten back together after so much strife, they had a mere 24 hours before he was off to the Underworld, taking back the curse, and their child was being sold off to Hades. She just wanted peace, and they’d had peace for three years now. It felt like it would be tempting fate to try a relationship again. As long as they were apart, things were better.

It was an even trade off she supposed. They may never be as happy as they could be, but at least they’d never drive each other away as they’d constantly done in the past. She was happier to have Rumple in her life at arm's length, than not at all.

“I, uh, need to check in on something at the shop,” Rumple said as they neared Granny’s. “Go ahead and grab a table and I’ll meet up with you in a moment.”

“Okay,” Belle agreed. She’d barely gotten the word out before he was rushing across the street to the pawnshop. Belle thought it quite possible he only really wanted a moment away from her.

“All right, Gideon,” she said, feigning cheerfulness. “You heard Papa. Let’s pick out a table.”

The morning rush was in full swing at the diner and Belle tugged her coat closer around herself hoping no one remembered what she’d worn the day before. As it was, she shouldn’t have bothered.

“Mummy and Papa had a sleepover last night!” Gideon announced loudly, to Belle’s utter horror, before the door had even swung closed behind them.

Several eyes turned to stare at Belle. Snow and David were looking at her wide-eyed. Archie had paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. Leroy was shaking his head at her. Emma pulled a face. For his part, Gideon seemed completely unfazed.

Granny raised an eyebrow at Belle as she came around the counter. “Oh did she now?”

Belle ushered Gideon over to a booth, getting him seated as the town returned to their breakfasts.

“Yep,” Gideon continued proudly to Granny, completely unaware of the mortification on his mother’s face. “I woke up to go get Papa this morning and Mummy was asleep in his bed. She never slept over before.”

“Gideon,” Belle said through gritted teeth. “I’m sure Granny doesn’t want to hear about this.”

“Oh no,” Granny protested with a wry grin as she slapped a children’s menu and a few crayons down in front of Gideon. “I’m enraptured.”

“It was completely innocent,” she told Granny.

“I’m sure it was,” Granny replied, that knowing grin still in place.

“We were talking and it got late and I fell asleep,” she continued. “That’s it.”

“Whatever you say,” Granny said with a chuckle.

Gideon had picked up his crayons and was scribbling furiously on his paper menu, distracted for the moment from the adult’s conversation.

“Granny, everyone is staring at me,” Belle said under her breath.

“Yeah? How do you think they’re gonna look at you when you’re nine months pregnant with your ex-husband’s child?”

“Not helping, Granny,” she said.

“Wasn’t trying to!” the older woman called over her shoulder as she returned to the counter.

Belle dropped her head into her hands, trying to block out the rest of the diner.

“Mummy, do you have a headache?” Gideon asked her.

“No, sweetheart, I’m fine,” she assured him. “But maybe don’t tell people I slept at Papa’s house last night, okay?”

“Why?” Gideon pressed.

Belle wasn’t sure how to explain this to her son. She’d certainly never been in a position like this before as a parent.

“Well, because it’s private,” she ventured. “What your Papa and I do at home doesn’t need to be shared with everyone.”

A frown line formed between Gideon’s eyebrows.

“Why not?” he asked. “Don’t you like Papa?”

Belle’s mouth gaped open, unsure of how to answer that question. Yes, she liked Rumple. She a fair bit more than liked him, which was the root of all their problems, though she was loath to admit it to herself.

“Of course I do.”

“Then why don’t you want people to know you had a sleepover?”

Belle sighed. Clearly she was getting nowhere.

“Because your Papa and I are divorced,” she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. “Do you know what that means?”

Gideon nodded solemnly. “It means you’re not married like Neal’s mum and dad.”

Belle almost cringed at the comparison to Snow and David, the very definition of true love and the pinnacle of what that meant. Her own failing at true love was mortifying enough without the comparison.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Does that bother you?”

Gideon shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Belle just watched him, nodding encouragingly.

“You can tell me the truth, sweetheart.”

Gideon gave out a huff, picking at the edge of his menu and not meeting her eyes.

“I liked that you slept at Papa’s,” he said finally, looking up at her. “I want you to sleep at Papa’s every night.”

“Oh,” Belle said, her heart crumbling slightly at the hopeful look in her son’s eyes. She and Rumple had tried so hard over the years to make sure Gideon never felt the brunt of their divorce. Apparently they’d failed. “Baby, I—I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s going to happen again.”

“Okay,” he said, pulling his feet up on the vinyl seat.

Belle bit her lip, feeling the tears stinging behind her eyes at her son’s admission. It was bizarre to think there was ever a time when he’d wanted his parents separated. So much had happened in the past few years and he was just a child now, a child who wanted his family whole.

For the first time Belle really considered how confusing her being pregnant would be for Gideon. The realization left her feeling chastened. She was going to try bringing another child into this mess and hadn’t even given real thought to how it would affect the first.

“Have you ordered yet?”

Rumple’s voice startled Belle, and she looked up to see him standing over the table, the morning light glinting off the silver in his hair and looking more handsome than she’d ever seen him. Did absence make the heart grow fonder? Was it possible that knowing she would never be with him again, that Gideon would grow up and they’d have nothing left to tie them together was making her mind play tricks on her?

“No,” she said, belatedly answering his question with a shake of her head.

“Good,” he replied succinctly, scooting into the booth beside Gideon. “Then who wants pancakes?”

Rumple seemed oblivious to any strange looks they were receiving, so Belle let it slide, not bothering to tell him about Gideon’s outburst. Breakfast passed quietly enough and soon the diner was almost empty. Gideon darted off to the counter to talk to Granny leaving his parents alone for the first time since Belle had awoken in his arms earlier that morning.

That train of though led to blushing and Belle sat quietly opposite her ex-husband, suddenly finding it difficult to meet his eyes.

Rumple was staring down in to his teacup, seemingly just as reticent for conversation now that the convenient buffer of Gideon had been taken away.

Belle fidgeted, pulling at her skirt. Rumple took another sip of his tea. The silence was overwhelming, worse than anything awkward either of them could say.

“Look,” Belle began, breaking finally. “About what I said last night…about having a baby the other way…”

“No explanation needed,” Rumple cut across her. “You were upset. I know you didn’t mean it.”

Belle gaped. That wasn’t quite true. She’d definitely meant it in the moment. Part of her wanted it even now, though with a clearer head she knew it was a terrible idea. Part of her watched the sight of his long fingers wrapped around his cup, recalled the feel of him pressed against her this morning, and wanted to drag him home right this second. But she couldn’t let herself dwell on those thoughts. Rumple clearly wasn’t interested and wanted to drop the subject entirely.

“Right,” she agreed, picking at her thumbnail. She couldn’t seem to stop fidgeting. “Well, I’m sorry for putting you in that position. I don’t know what came over me, but I won’t impose on you again.”

Rumple simply nodded, watching Gideon across the diner as Granny surreptitiously fed him a chocolate chip cookie.

“As you said, it won’t happen again, so I don’t really see the point in discussing it further.”

She took a deep breath, feeling as though she’d been set down.

“Rumple,” she said with a shake of her head.

“Please, Belle,” he said, his hand shooting out to lay over hers on the table. A tingle ran up her whole arm at the slight contact, the light pressure of his fingers against the back of her hand. “Please let it go.”

“Fine,” she agree, pulling her hand back and putting it in her lap. She couldn’t bare his touch right now.

A frown line formed between Rumple’s eyebrows as he sat back as well.

“Well, we should probably discuss our next move,” he said finally.

“What?” Belle asked, not following his train of thought.

Rumple just blinked at her. “Do I need to make another appointment with Doctor Whale or not?”

Belle’s eyes widened. Was he really offering to go through that again?

“You would do that again?”

Rumple shrugged. “I’m not looking forward to it by any means, but if we want another child together it’s the only way.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” she said sullenly. She’d already come to the conclusion on her own that sex solely for procreation was an avenue they shouldn’t travel down. But having Rumple shut down the prospect of them ever having sex again still stung.

“So do you want me to visit the clinic again?” Rumple continued.

“I don’t know,” Belle snapped. Rumple raised an eyebrow at her outburst, but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know what I want,” she said, realizing the deeper truth of that statement. She wanted him, but she wanted things to stay the same. She wanted another child, but she wanted Gideon to have the family he deserved first. “I can’t…I can’t talk about this anymore. Just forget it. Forget I ever asked.”

She needed to get out of here before she started crying in front of him again. She was certain she’d reached the max amount of times you could reasonably cry on your ex’s shoulder in a week.

“I have to get to the library,” she said with a nod, gathering up her bag. “You’ll make sure Gideon gets to daycare?”

Without waiting for an answer she slid out of the booth, rushing over to kiss Gideon goodbye before hurrying from the diner and leaving a bewildered Rumple in her wake.


	6. Chapter 6

It felt good to hit something.

Rumple looked down at the cane in his hand and the smashed front of the glass cabinet in the back room of his shop. Shards of glass littered the floor, glittering in the weak morning sunlight. A single burst of temper, a moment of weakness, and all this destruction.

He lowered the cane to the ground, leaning on it wearily no matter that he no longer had a physical need for it. For the moment, he needed something to support him.

He hadn’t set out to the shop with the express purpose of demolishing a cabinet. Honestly, he’d just needed a moment to collect himself. He’d awoken that morning with Belle in his arms, his son at the door, and hadn’t had a single second in that time to process the things that had been said the night before. Then Belle went and pulled the rug right out from under him, calmly and cheerfully crushing their son’s hopes by saying a “sleepover” would never happen again.

He’d never before thought that Gideon missed out on anything by his parents not being married. Gideon had never known them together. They’d separated before his birth, and they’d strived so hard to give him a happy upbringing in spite of it.

But he couldn’t get the image of Gideon’s big, sad eyes out of his head. He was stupid not to realize that his son would want that eventually. Even Baelfire, who’d had little enough of a relationship with Milah and witnessed his parents many arguments, had dreamed of his mother coming back from the dead and them all being a family again.

He understood Belle not wanting to give their son false hope for a future that could never be, but did she always have to be so damn cheerful about everything? No, Belle would never sleep in his bed again. No, they would never be a conventional family all living together under one roof. And yet she wanted to bring another child into this mess? Another child who would look up at him with sad, pleading eyes, just wanting their parents to be together?

The confusion, the frustration, the sadness, the heartbreak, it had all become too much for a moment and he’d grabbed his old gold handled cane and smashed the closest thing in reach.

A wave of his hand cleaned up the shards of glass on the ground and repaired the china teacups within. Soon it was as though his outburst had never happened. By all outward appearances, everything was just as it should be. Rumple smoothed down his suit jacket, straightened his waistcoat, and headed out to the diner. He would put his best face forward and hope his son was happy. He’d do anything for his family to be happy.

After Belle’s outburst at Granny’s, Rumple dropped Gideon at daycare and headed back to his shop. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of Belle’s declaration that she didn’t know what she wanted. She was clearly overwrought, the stress of the past few days wearing on her. She’d never have asked to spend the night with him under normal circumstances. She certainly wouldn’t have propositioned him under normal circumstances.

Rumple shifted on his feet at the memory of Belle suggesting they try things the “old fashioned way”, willing away all the images that phrase called to mind.

The past month had been so very far from normal.

Belle had swung from one extreme to the other, suggesting they have sex in order to make a baby last night and calling off all attempts at getting pregnant this morning. He wasn’t sure what Belle would want tomorrow. She might change her mind yet again.

Well, there was one thing he could do to ensure Belle had everything she needed, regardless of what she decided. Snatching up his cell phone, he made a call to Whale’s office, setting up another appointment for his ritual humiliation. If Belle decided she wanted to go through with this plan again, he’d go ahead and make it easy on her.

* * *

 

Saturday mornings, in Belle’s mind, were for a nice cup of tea and contemplation. Ever since Gideon had been born, however, they tended to be more about cartoons, cartwheels and cinnamon rolls. There was certainly a part of her that missed her pre-baby Saturday morning routine, but it was impossible to begrudge her son anything. Especially when he looked at her with those big brown eyes, so like his father’s, and smiled at her through a mouthful of sticky sweet roll.

She was just wiping icing from Gid’s face, sending him upstairs to change out of his pajamas, when her phone rang.

It had been over two weeks since that fateful day at Granny’s. Neither she nor Rumple had mentioned their night spent cuddled up together in his bed, or the conversation that had led to it, since. In fact, they hadn’t talked much at all beyond the barest pleasantries when dropping off or picking up Gideon. After three years of getting on reasonably well, they were finally acting like the awkward divorced couple they’d never wanted to be.

Rumple had cancelled their plans to go to the park last weekend, and she hadn’t bothered to reschedule. But part of her hoped he might be calling to set something up for the day. Just because things were strained between them at the moment didn’t mean Gideon should suffer, and he needed both of his parents in his life, getting along as well as possible.

She picked her phone up, expecting to see the familiar picture of Rumple holding Gideon on his knee at his first birthday party that had been his contact photo for nearly two and a half years only to see an unknown number instead.

“Belle,” came a cheerful voice on the other end of the line. “It’s Dr. Whale. I was wondering if you were planning to come in for insemination this month. I hadn’t heard from you.”

“Oh,” Belle said, startled. She wasn’t sure why Whale was following up like this. They hadn’t discussed any further plans after the first failed attempt. “I don’t think so. I should probably take some time to think things through.”

“Oh,” Whale said, surprise evident in his voice. “Well, should I save Mr. Gold’s sample for a later date? We can bank the sperm but there is a small storage fee involved.”

Belle shook her head in confusion.

“I thought we’d used up the entirety of what we had last time.”

“We did,” Whale confirmed. “I’m talking about Mr. Gold’s second sperm sample.”

Belle nearly dropped the phone, gripping it tighter in her palm with hands that suddenly seemed sweaty.

“Wait, what?” she asked with another shake of her head.

“Mr. Gold provided another sample yesterday,” Whale said. “I assumed the two of you had coordinated on this.”

Belle felt completely blindsided. After all Rumple’s anxiety over “Dr. Whale’s Magical Masterbatorium” he’d actually gone back willingly? Without her even asking?

She felt the need to sit down, collapsing back on to a kitchen chair.

“Victor, can I call you back?”

“Uh, certainly,” Whale said, sounding nervous. “Just call my office when you’ve reached a decision.”

Belle set her phone down on the table in front of her, staring at it critically.

She wasn’t sure whether she should be angry with Rumple or not. She’d told him to forget about trying to have a baby that day at the diner and they hadn’t discussed it, or much of anything, since. And yet he went ahead and provided another sperm sample completely unasked.

Why would he do that? And why wouldn’t he tell her what he’d done?

She supposed, perhaps, Rumple still wanted to have a child. It had been rather thoughtless of her to make an executive decision on it without his input. But she’d been so mixed up that morning, so conflicted about her own feelings, that she just needed some time to sort herself out.

Of course, she couldn’t expect Rumple to know that when she’d barely been speaking to him.

She ran a hand through her hair, slumping forward against the table. Belle had always prided herself on knowing her own mind, on forging her own path, deciding her own fate. Somehow, that had all changed. She barely recognized the person she was these days. When had she grown so afraid?

Why couldn't things with Rumple ever just be easy?

She needed to do something with her hands, give herself a task to keep from calling Rumple, or worse, storming over to the shop to confront him. She was sure he’d just been trying to do right by her and she didn’t want to say something she might regret.

Belle grabbed a basket of Gideon’s clean clothes from the laundry room and deposited it on the living room sofa, beginning to fold absentmindedly.

What was Rumple thinking? Why had he done this? The questions burned in Belle mind as she hastily folded Gideon’s Spiderman pajamas. She still wasn’t sure that she could go through another month of this. She had always known that the artificial insemination might not work. She had known the rates of success. But she’d convinced herself that after all they’d been through, she and Rumple might finally get lucky.

No such luck.

She had Gideon and he was beautiful and perfect. If he was the only child she ever managed to have, she’d count herself incredibly fortunate. She and Rumple were clearly in no place to have a child if the past couple weeks were any indication. They could barely look each other in the eye. And that wasn’t even beginning to address the toll this might take on Gid. What would he think of a new sibling and two parents who were still not together?

Maybe it was best to call Dr. Whale and tell him to call the whole thing off.

That’s when she saw it, buried under the t-shirts, jeans and sweaters that Gideon usually wore, a onesie that he’d worn as a small baby, back when they’d first retrieved him from the Dark Realm. It was solid blue, emblazoned with the words “Mommy’s Little Bookworm”. It had been a gift, stashed away with several other articles of clothing from Snow, an effort to apologize after the tensions that had risen between them when Gideon was pitted against Emma. How had it possibly gotten mixed up with Gid’s play clothes? It was so tiny, so sweet, and Belle raised it to her nose, inhaling the scent of her baby.

She clutched the onesie to her chest, biting her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

God she wanted the chance to do things right. She wanted someone to wear this onesie again. She wanted a baby and no amount of pretending she didn’t, that things would be easier if she let this rest, would change that.

She sat down on the sofa next to the half folded laundry, tears pricking her eyes. They would try this again. Maybe the second time was the charm.

* * *

It wasn’t. And neither was the third, nor the fourth. Belle and Rumple didn’t ever talk about the monthly trips to the fertility clinic, but like clockwork, Rumple would go and leave a sample and Belle would follow a few days later to prop her feet up in stirrups and have Dr. Whale shoot her full of her ex-husband’s sperm.

After the second month, Dr. Whale had placed Belle on a drug regimen to increase fertility. After the fourth month, she'd begun looking into the success rates of IVF. 

After five months of trying, she’d all but lost hope.

That’s when Whale called them both in to his office on a Wednesday afternoon, a sure sign that things were not going well.

Rumple met Belle in the waiting room at the clinic, both of them exchanging stilted smiles before sitting down next to each other in the uncomfortable straight-backed chairs set along the far wall of the room. Soothing music was playing softly through the waiting area's speaker system. A small water feature was babbling happily in one corner. The entire place had the air of a day spa rather than a doctor's office, but it was only setting Rumple on edge. He stared at the passionless still life painting hung on the wall opposite them, searching, and failing, for something to say to fill the silence. Beside him Belle seemed engrossed in the pattern woven into the low pile of the carpet.

It was a blessedly short wait before they were being ushered into Whale’s office, sitting in the far more comfortable but no less imposing wing backed chairs opposite his desk.

Rumple braced himself for the news. He was sure they were about to find out that his sperm was rubbish, they swam in a circle or some such, and Belle couldn’t possibly get pregnant from such faulty merchandise. She’d be much better off getting her sperm from someone younger, less ravaged by magic and time.

“As you know, we’ve been trying intrauterine insemination for almost six months,” Whale began. “The results haven’t been what we hoped for. But that doesn’t mean this has to be the end of the journey. There are other things we can do. I can give you information on IVF if that’s an avenue you’d like to explore. But at this point I wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to take your money for IUI.”

Rumple swallowed the lump in his throat down, looking over at Belle. She looked sad, resigned. If Belle wanted to try something else, he’d support her, but he wasn’t sure she was emotionally ready for such a long journey.

“Did something go wrong?” Belle asked, her voice sounding watery. “Should I be on different drugs?”

“Sometimes it just doesn’t take,” Whale said with a shake of his head. “I truly am sorry.”

Belle stared down at her hands, tears silently streaming down her cheeks.

“Is it me?” Rumple couldn’t help but ask. “I’m three hundred years old, after all.”

“No,” Whale said, opening the file in front of him and flipping through it. “It’s no one’s fault. You’re both in perfect condition, reproductively speaking. But this process isn’t for everyone.”

“So,” Rumple began, hating the way his voice cracked over the word. “Using a different donor…”

He couldn’t quite finish the sentence. If donor sperm would get the job done, then so be it. Belle wanted this more than anything. And in the end, it didn’t matter whether the child was biologically his or not. It would be Belle’s child, and for that reason alone he would love them. He would be their father in every way that counted. But it still hurt to ask the question.

“There’s no guarantee the results would be any different,” Whale answered the rest of his unasked question. “We could always try, but I don’t necessarily think it would be worth your time, or money.”

Rumple just nodded, glancing sideways at Belle. She seemed to have shrunk into herself. For the first time in months he really looked at her. She was thin, pale, how had he not noticed? How had such a gulf opened up between them? She wasn’t well. This entire process was taking its toll on Belle. It was time to quit, for both of their sanity.

“Then I suppose there’s nothing else we can try,” he said, directing his attention back toward Whale.

“Well, I would certainly give some thought to IVF, but…” the doctor began, before cutting himself off and turning back to the papers on his desk.

“What?” Rumple prompted. Belle looked up from her clasped hands, looking desperate for anything Whale could tell them.

“As I said,” Whale continued haltingly. “You’re both perfectly healthy. There’s no medical reason you shouldn’t be able to conceive.”

“And?” Belle prompted, her voice emotionless and betraying nothing.

“At this point, with married couples, I would suggest having a little fun,” Whale said with a shrug. Rumple didn’t think he imagined the slight tinge of pink to the doctor’s cheeks, or the way he wasn’t quite making eye contact.

“Fun?” Belle repeated, in the same monotone voice.

Whale nodded. “I would suggest trying not to stress over it and to just go home and try things the old-fashioned way.”

There was that term again, the “old-fashioned way”. Rumple wasn’t sure what was supposed to be so old fashioned about fucking his ex wife.

“I would understand if that’s not an option for you, considering you’re not a couple,” Whale forged on bravely. “But you clearly had no trouble getting pregnant with your first child, so I stand by my recommendation.”

"You think where your science failed, a good old fashioned one night stand would prevail?" Rumple baited him.

Whale looked like he'd love nothing more than to roll his eyes, but he admirably restrained himself. "Couldn't hurt," he deadpanned.

Belle was quiet as they left the appointment and headed out to the parking lot. Rumple couldn't even begin to think what was going through her head at the moment. She'd come up with the idea that they should try just sleeping together months ago, but it had quickly been scrapped. He didn't want to sleep with Belle because she was desperate for a child. He wanted to sleep with Belle because she wanted him, because she loved him. But he also didn't want her to run herself ragged, taking pills and getting injections, and spending month after month at doctor's appointments if they could remedy this so easily.  

"Well," he said, spreading his hands wide to indicate their situation.

"It's not an option, Rumple," she said with a shake of her head. "I know I said it was, but it's just not."

It felt like each word pierced his heart. He knew it was for the best, but it hurt nonetheless. He still loved her so very much. To know for certain that she didn't feel the same way would never not feel like he was being split in half.

"Of course," is what he meant to say. Instead he was horrified to hear the words leave his lips.

"Why not?"

At Belle's startled look, he immediately wished he could pull them back, swallow them down, erase them from her memory.

Belle gave a little huff that almost sounded like a laugh.  

“Because I’ve missed you,” she said sadly. “I know that might sound silly, but after we got home from the Dark Realm we made a promise that we would be a family, no matter what. Ever since this all began things between us have been….” She trailed off, looking for the right word.

“Strained,” Rumple supplied.

“Yeah,” Belle said with a nod. “And I’m just so afraid that if we do this, if we try to have a baby this way, there’ll be no coming back from it.”

"You think it will drive us apart?" he asked, understanding her. It was the same fear he had. That it would bring up all the unsettled feelings between them, make them impossible to ignore, and break them apart for good. 

Belle let out a mirthless laugh. "Of course it would. Look at us, we can barely talk to each other these days. Rumple, you're my best friend. You're Gideon's father. I can't lose you over this."

"You wouldn't have to," he assured her, placing his hands on her shoulders. It was the first time he'd touched her in months, and her shoulder bones felt sharp against his palms. She was far too thin.  

“You really think we could do this, after everything we’ve been through?” Belle asked, crossing her arms against her chest. “You think we could have sex with no emotions involved?”

“Yes,” Rumple lied smoothly. This was their one last shot to have a child, to give Belle what she wanted more than anything in the world. To save her from how bloody miserable she looked. He knew there would be no coming back for him, that it would be impossible to pretend he was happy with their arrangement, that he wanted nothing more from her. He knew this would be the end of any tentative friendship he and Belle had managed to scrape together over the past three years. But a child would be worth it, regardless of what Belle said.

“Oh,” Belle looked surprised at his answer. “Okay then.”

Rumple hadn't expected her to agree so quickly, and now that she had his stomach churned uncomfortably. He pulled his hands back from her shoulders, stuffing them in his coat pockets instead.

"Okay," he repeated. He was completely unsure of what the next step was. Did they make a plan? Should he take her to dinner first? Would that be too much like a date?

“I have an app on my phone,” Belle said, as if reading his mind. She pulled her cell out of her purse and scrolled through it. “It’ll tell me when our best window of opportunity is.”

“Ah,” Rumple said. Belle had taken to this world’s electronics with ease, but he was less comfortable with them. He still carried his old flip phone from their cursed years and he wasn’t entirely sure what an “app” even was.

“How are you for next Thursday?” she asked, waving the phone toward him so he could see a pink calendar on her screen. Belle was efficient and businesslike now that they’d come to a decision.

“Thursday?” he repeated, his throat suddenly tight now that they were actually doing this. “That should be fine.”

“Okay,” Belle said, putting her phone back into her bag and busying herself with zipping it closed. “I’ll see if Granny can watch Gideon for the night.”

“The whole night?” he couldn’t help but blurt out.

Belle’s eyes widened, her cheeks flushing that fetching shade of pink. “Or however much time you think we should take.”

“The night is good,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. If it was to be the last time he ever had with Belle, he could damn well take the whole night.

“Okay,” she nodded.

They stood there in the parking lot outside Dr. Whale’s office, Belle shuffling her feet and Rumple staring at a persistent weed encroaching on the office’s flowerbeds.

“Okay,” Belle repeated, mostly just to fill the silence. “I’ll see you later then.”

Rumple raised his hand to wave goodbye, and then thought better of it, leaving his hand hanging awkwardly in the air. Belle glanced at it, her brow quirking, before she reached out and shook his proffered hand.

Rumple thought he could possibly die right here and now among the weedy flowerbeds in front of Whale’s fertility clinic. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he shaking Belle’s hand?

“Alright,” she said, dropping his hand finally where it fell to his side like a limp fish. “Goodbye.”

Belle turned toward her car, walking a bit faster than necessary as though she wanted to be as far away from whatever had just transpired as he did.

Rumplestiltskin took a deep breath through his nose, exhaling through his mouth and trying to calm his frayed nerves.

He’d just scheduled sex with his ex-wife, and sealed it with a handshake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smut chapter is finally here.  
> Enjoy.

Belle stared down into her underwear drawer critically. What did one wear to have strictly procreative sex with one’s ex-husband? She didn’t want to wear anything overtly sexy. That felt like she was putting more effort into it than they’d agreed upon. This was supposed to be straightforward. Sexy lingerie did not seem straightforward.

But her everyday cotton bra and panties felt like she wasn’t putting any effort forward at all.

She pulled out a black lacy number with several crisscrossing straps that she hadn’t seen in years, and threw it across the room. Definitely not that one. It was too hard to get out of and she didn’t want to provide any deterrents to what they were doing. If she knew Rumple, and after almost 40 years she thought she did, he’d use the least provocation to call the whole thing off.

She slumped back on to her bed, throwing an arm across her eyes to block out the mound of underwear that had accumulated beside her.

This was the worst possible idea either she or Rumple had ever had. But there was no other way this was happening. She either sucked it up and had sex with Rumple, or never had another child. She supposed thinking like that was a bit fatalistic. There was no reason she should be alone all her life. There was no real reason she could never remarry, try the whole thing over again.

But Belle knew that as long as Rumple was alive, she’d never truly move on. There was no way to continue on, try to be happy with someone else, when part of her heart forever lived in his chest. She’d tried that before and it simply didn’t work. They were true love and that didn’t go away, no matter how hard she wished it.

Sitting back up, she glanced over at the lingerie pile, picking at the edge of the cream and lace nightgown she’d worn on their wedding night. Pulling it toward her, she hugged the nightie to her chest. It was a remnant of happier times, easier times. She hadn’t worn this particular nightgown since, but she’d kept it all the same, unwilling to part with such a happy memory.

She felt tears pricking her eyes and sighed, tossing the nightgown back on the pile. It wouldn’t do to get overly sentimental right now. She was due at Rumple’s at 8:00 and it was already half past 6. She still had to drop Gideon off at the diner. She didn’t have time for this.

She also couldn’t be thinking about how much she loved the man she was about to sleep with. They’d promised not to let emotions get in the way. This wasn’t love, not anymore. It was only for a child.

A sultry little voice in the back of her head that sounded a bit too much like Lacey whispered that didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy themselves in the process, but she shut it down quickly. This wasn’t about pleasure. It wasn’t about love. It was about making a baby. They could keep this as cold and clinical as her monthly inseminations at Whale’s office, couldn’t they?

Even as she had the thought, she knew it was stupid. There was no way she wouldn’t enjoy herself in Rumple’s bed. A little thrill ran up her spine and something other than dread settled heavily in her stomach.

Well, she had to put something on her body. She was currently naked beneath her plush bathrobe and as strangely appealing as the idea of just turning up at Rumple’s place naked was, she was fairly certain she shouldn’t drop Gideon off at Granny’s that way. She turned back to her underwear drawer and the scant bras and panties left within. She really should have come up with an attack plan earlier than an hour before their intended meeting, but over the past week she’d been trying not to think about it. The weird combination of nerves and anticipation, the sick churning feeling balanced with the straight up desire she’d been trying to quash for ages, had left her feeling fairly nauseous.

After another five minutes of deliberation, she finally settled on a pale blue set edged in darker blue lace. It was nice enough and matched, but nothing over the top. This wasn’t a seduction, she reminded herself. It was a contract.

* * *

 

Promptly at 8:00, Belle found herself standing on Rumple’s front porch, her hand poised to knock, but failing to do so.

Gideon was with Granny for the whole night. She had the entire night to stay with Rumple. Should she spend the night? What was their stance on cuddling? Shouldn’t they have decided all of this before?

She was frozen by inaction, her arm getting tired from hanging in the air as it was. Why couldn’t she do something? She wanted this. She wanted a child. She wanted this. Oh God, s _he wanted this._

Belle let her hand drop to her side. There was no way she was going to be able to get through the night without her feelings for Rumple rising to the surface. She had to clamp this down before she ruined everything.

She took a deep breath, composing herself, before raising her hand to knock once more. She’d barely rapped her knuckles against the hard wood before she saw a shadow moving behind the multi colored paned glass.

The door swung open, revealing a slightly breathless Rumple. He was dressed in his usual button down shirt, trousers and tie, but he’d foregone his waistcoat and suit jacket.

“Belle,” he said, his voice caressing the syllables of her name and sliding over her like silk. “You came.”

He sounded slightly surprised that she’d actually shown up at the appointed time and it was enough to snap her back to reality.

“Of course I did,” she said.

Rumple just gave a nod, moving out of the doorway and motioning for her to enter.

“Please, come in,” he said formally.

Belle followed him in to the entrance hall where they stood awkwardly for a moment before Rumple offered to take her coat. She turned to let him pull it from her shoulders, shivering slightly at the feeling of his fingertips even through the wool barrier of her coat.

He hung it up on the coat rack beside the front door before turning back to her, his eyes widening.

Belle glanced down at her outfit, suddenly extremely self-conscious. She knew this wasn’t a date, not really, but she felt like some effort was necessary. She didn’t want to feel like a slob. So she’d picked a simple navy blue dress from her closet that she hadn’t had a chance to wear yet. The silhouette was nothing special, an A-line skirt that just skimmed the tops of her knees, but the neckline was one of the most daring in her closet and the reason the dress had yet to see the light of day. The deep V-neck revealed an ample amount of cleavage that was only enhanced by the slight push up to her bra. What had felt slightly flirty and fun in the comfort of her own bedroom felt brazen and shameless in Rumple’s entrance hall.

Belle stared down at her crimson peep toes wishing she’d just worn a turtleneck, not that there was anything she could do about the situation now barring putting her coat back on for the entire evening.

Rumple swallowed audibly, his eyes flicking down before settling back on her face.

“You…you look beautiful,” he stammered out.

“Thank you,” she managed, her voice sounding squeaky to her own ears.

Well, she was here now. They were doing this. Her breasts were practically on display. What now?

She glanced up to finally meet Rumple’s eyes only to see he looked just as lost as she felt. She cast around for some topic of conversation, something that would at least move them out of the entrance hall.

“Something smells delicious,” she said, realizing Rumple must have been cooking, hence his lack of jacket and waistcoat. He’d probably just finished eating and she’d interrupted him during cleanup.

Rumple seemed to snap to attention at that, dragging his eyes away from her and motioning that she follow him down the hall.

“I, um, wasn’t sure if you’d eaten,” he said gesturing through to the dining room. “So I threw a little something together.”

“Oh,” Belle said, glancing over his shoulder to where the dining table was set with some of Rumple’s patterned, bone China. She hadn’t eaten. She’d been far too nervous, her stomach churning uncomfortably all afternoon. But now she was here and the scent of roasted garlic and dill was heavy in the air. Her stomach gave a loud rumble as if on cue, and Rumple lifted an eyebrow.

“I could eat,” she conceded.

He gave her a little smile, almost shy, so like the ones he’d occasionally worn in the Dark Castle so many years ago. A reminder that the man standing before her in shirt sleeves with shorn hair was the same one with sparkly skin and strange eyes that she’d fallen for so long ago. How much had changed since then.

Rumple had prepared sea bass with a lemon, dill and caper sauce over risotto. Filling, yet light enough not to weigh them down for their planned activity. It was a thoughtful gesture, one she appreciated, but it just served to make her more aware of what she was really there for.

Belle took her place at the dining table across from Rumple. It was just dinner, she told herself. They’d had dinner together plenty of times over the past few years. Of course, Gideon was usually with them, and it was typically burgers at Granny’s, and there definitely wasn’t sex planned for afterward. At least he’d foregone candlelight and music, which might be a step too far in the date direction. But Belle was sure music could only help the oppressive silence that seemed to be settling over them. And considering she was wearing a push up bra and a low cut dress, who was she kidding anyway?

“Wine?” Rumple interrupted her train of thought, picking up a bottle of something white but suitably expensive looking.

“Probably for the best,” Belle agreed, holding up her wineglass so he could fill it up.

The wine was light and frothy on her tongue, bubbling and tart. She swallowed it down before taking another mouthful, hoping it would calm her nerves.

They ate in relative silence. Despite her hunger, Belle was finding it hard to stomach food. She pushed her food around on her plate, wishing the acidic feeling in her stomach would go away.

“It’s delicious,” she ventured. It truly was and she wished she could enjoy it more. Rumple had always been a far better cook than her. She took another bite to prove her point.

“Thank you,” Rumple replied. She couldn’t help but notice that his plate was barely touched as well. She wasn’t the only one suffering from a nervous stomach it seemed. Oddly enough, she felt heartened by that.

“How’s Gid?” Rumple asked, picking at his risotto with his fork.

“Great,” she replied, finishing off the wine in her glass. “He’s always great. Excited to spend the night at Granny’s. I think they were making popcorn, the proper kind, not in a microwave.”

Rumple nodded, reaching across to refill her wineglass.

“Did you tell him where you were going tonight?”

Belle’s eyes bugged and she almost choked on her sea bass.

“What?” she sputtered. “Did I tell him I was going to have sex with his father? Of course not.”

“No,” Rumple protested. “I mean, have you talked to him at all about our situation, about having another baby even though we’re not together?”

“Oh, no,” Belle said with a shake of her head. “I wasn’t quite sure how to approach it. He’s not even four, Rumple. He still thinks babies come from the stork.”

Rumple snorted into his wineglass.

“Anyway, I figured we’d cross that bridge if and when we came to it,” she continued. “No use getting him excited about a sibling that never happens, right?”

She didn’t really want to think about that. If this last ditch effort didn’t work, they’d have potentially ruined their friendly co-parenting arrangement for nothing. The worst-case scenario would have Rumple never speaking to her again and no chance of ever having another baby. All her hopes hinged on one night with her ex-husband and she was equal parts excitement and dread.

“I suppose you’re right,” he agreed, turning back to his half eaten plate.

They continued on in silence though it wasn’t quite as oppressive as before. Eventually they reached a point where they could no longer pretend to be eating and Rumple carried their plates through into the kitchen, waving off Belle’s offers to help.

She could hear the faucet running in the kitchen as Rumple cleaned up the dishes while she was left with nothing to do. She checked her phone to make sure she'd had no calls from Granny, then she stood up, pacing around the dining room. It was bizarre to think this house had once been her home. It felt foreign to her now. There was a time when she'd had most of her meals in this dining room, but now it was like being in a stranger's house. She wasn't sure where to go, what she could touch. The tears started to form again and she scurried back to her chair, dabbing at them with her napkin.

"Is everything alright?" Rumple asked, making his way back in to the room.

"Yeah," she said, dropping her napkin back on to her lap and flashing a smile.

Rumple took his seat again and topped off their wineglasses, finishing off the bottle.

“If you’re trying to get me drunk, you needn’t bother,” Belle quipped, the wine certainly loosening her tongue. “You’re getting lucky tonight no matter what.”

Rumple’s hand slipped, sloshing a bit of wine over the rim of her glass so it splashed on the table below.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

Belle grabbed her napkin, quickly mopping up the spill. “It’s fine,” she said soothingly. “No harm, no foul.”

“I’m sorry, Belle,” he said, picking up his own glass and taking a fortifying sip. “The truth is I’m fairly nervous about tonight.”

Belle couldn’t help the giggled that bubbled up in her throat.

“You don’t say,” she said with a laugh. At Rumple’s stricken face she continued. “Rumple, we’ve both been a nervous wreck all evening, that's obvious. But, it’ll be fine. We’ve done this countless times before. I have complete faith in us.”

“You do?” he asked, looking surprised.

“Yeah,” she assured him, trying to seem more confident than she actually felt. They needed to do this. She could be the brave one and lead the way.

“I guess there’s no reason to drag this on longer then,” he said with a decisive nod.

“Not unless you made dessert?” she said wryly.

Rumple gave a little twist of his mouth. “I thought that might be a bit much. I’m sure I could dig up a tin of biscuits if you really want something.”

Belle snorted a laugh. “No, thanks. I’m good.”

He just nodded again. “Then should we go upstairs?”

“Sure,” Belle agreed. She picked up her glass of wine, standing from the table and motioned for Rumple to lead the way.

He snatched up his own glass, leading her up the stairs and to the bedroom that had once been theirs. It hadn’t changed much in the intervening years. He still had the same nightstands, the same wooden four-poster bed, the same burgundy duvet cover. If Belle let herself, she could pretend it was 4 years ago, that they were still married, that this was just a normal evening. The lights were already turned down low, the duvet flipped back invitingly. He’d planned, made things comfortable, and it made her heart flutter in her chest. She had to shut down those feelings and quick.

She’d spent the night here a few months ago, the night she’d found out IUI had failed for the first time. After spending the night together completely platonically, things between them had been stilted and awkward. She could only imagine what fresh hell tomorrow would bring unless they actively worked against it.

Letting the wine fortify her and give her confidence, Belle brushed past Rumple, going to sit on the bed and patting the mattress next to her. Rumple followed wordlessly, sitting a bit too far away from her and sipping at his wine.

“So,” Belle began, twisting her wine glass between her fingers. They were in the bedroom, on the bed, but no closer to their goal. Perhaps if she stripped naked, he’d make a move. “Read any good books lately?”

“Really?” Rumple said disbelievingly.

Belle shook her head with a laugh. “No, not really,” she said, setting her glass on the nightstand. “Are we really going to do this?”

“If you want to,” he agreed.

She did want to. The thought hit her suddenly and without question. She wanted a child, and she wanted Rumple, even if this was the last time. Even if she woke up tomorrow with her heart in shreds, she wanted this. She took Rumple’s glass from his hand, placing it beside hers.

She nodded, twisting her now empty hands in her lap. “I want this, Rumple,” she said, her voice firm and belying her nervous mannerisms. “I really want a baby.”

The fact that she also wanted him seemed to hang in the air unsaid.

“Okay,” he said.

Rumple just sat there, despite his assent. He was fiddling with the moonstone ring that he still wore on his left hand. He’d never removed it, or traded it back to a less conspicuous finger. He still wore the ring that signified their long ended marriage. How had she never noticed?

Belle heaved a sigh. This wouldn’t work if they sat nervously fiddling with their own hands. They needed to close the space between them, the gaping chasm of air that separated them on the burgundy duvet.

“We could start with kissing,” she prompted.

“Alright,” Rumple agreed. He scooted forward on the bed, leaning in to press his lips against hers. But rather than stealing her breath and making her knees weak as his kisses once had, it was awkward as hell. He was so stiff.

She pulled away and Rumple leapt back as if burned, as if waiting for the moment when she would end things.

“Are you alright?” he asked, searching her face frantically.

“Yeah,” Belle said. “It just…feels wrong.”

Rumple’s shoulders seemed to slump.

“I’m sorry,” he began.

“Don’t apologize,” she cut across him. “Just kiss me again.”

He closed the gap between them again, still stiff as could be. Instead of pulling away, Belle tried to work with it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in to the kiss, but Rumple wasn’t giving her much to work with. His head was too wrapped up in this. He needed to just let loose.

With that in mind, Belle let her hands stray, scratching at his scalp before trailing down over his shoulders, his stomach, and finally reaching the waistband of his trousers.

“This isn’t going to work,” he exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and pacing the floor beside it.

“Well, can we at least try?” she fairly begged. They’d barely tried anything. They were both still dressed.

“Belle, there are certain biological things that need to happen in order for me to get you pregnant, and they are decidedly not happening.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes flicking down to the front of his trousers and back up to his face. Well, that was an issue she hadn’t quite considered. “Do you want me to try using my hand?”

“No I don’t bloody well need a handjob,” he said, raking a hand through his hair so it stood on end, glinting silver in the low lamplight. “I need a time machine.”

And God what she wouldn’t give for the same, a way to go back and save themselves from all the mistakes that had led to this.

“We used to be so good at this,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling cold.

“Yeah, well, we were in love,” he said with a shrug.

“Yes we were,” she said with a nod, trying not to let the tears stinging her eyes fall.

And that was it, wasn’t it? They couldn’t have a quick and meaningless fuck. There was far too much history between them. But maybe they could recreate the perfect conditions.

“Sit down, Rumple,” she pleaded, patting the bed beside her once more. “Please.”

He gave a sigh before acquiescing, sitting beside her, closer this time, so she could reach out and touch him.

Belle grabbed his hand between both of hers, relishing the warmth of it, how big his hand was compared to hers. He always made her feel safe, like she was protected by his deceptively large hands.

She tugged at them until he turned to face her completely.

“Do you think that just for tonight, you could pretend you still love me?” she asked, carding her fingers through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp in the way he always used to love. She missed his hair, missed tangling her fingers in the long strands.

His eyes were wide, a trace of panic flitting across his features.

“Belle…” he began with a shake of his head, but she didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to know that he didn’t love her, never would again. So she kissed him instead, pouring her heart and soul into it, gripping him to her until he melted, until his lips opened for her and she could plunder his mouth with her tongue.

A growl erupted from somewhere in the back of his throat and Belle redoubled her efforts. Gods, he tasted just the same. It had been so long since she’d been properly kissed and now that he was past his initial awkwardness, Rumple seemed intent on doing the job. He wrested control from her, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her thoroughly.

He maneuvered her back against the pillows, blanketing her body with his. She’d missed this, the feel of him above her, the weight of him pressing her into the mattress. She spread her legs, giving him room to settle between them. He seemed to have overcome his earlier problem. She could feel him hardening against her thigh and it thrilled her. It had been so long and she could feel her arousal growing, wetness pooling between her thighs, her cheeks flushing.

Rumple’s hand gripped her thigh beneath her skirt, skimming up to her hip as his mouth trailed down her neck, pressing hot kisses to the column of her throat. There was far too much clothing separating them and she scrambled for the zipper on the side of her dress, beneath her arm.

Rumple pulled away to see what she was doing and she let out a slight whimper at the loss of his mouth on her.

“Yeah,” he grunted, reaching to help her with the zipper. Together they managed to get it down and Rumple pulled away further to help her pull the dress up over her head and cast it aside.

Rumple’s eyes darkened at the sight of her matching blue underwear set and she was suddenly glad for the extra effort she’d put in to tonight.

“Gods you’re so beautiful,” he said breathlessly, his hands reaching out to trail over her stomach almost reverently.

Belle could feel herself flush with pleasure. It had been years since she’d felt desired, since she’d honestly felt beautiful.

She didn’t trust herself to speak, sure that she’d utter something she could never take back. Instead she reached up to cup his cheek with her hand, the pad of her thumb scratching over the slight stubble on his chin. She’d almost managed to forget how beautiful he looked like this, eyes darkened by lust, lips swollen from her kisses. How had she ever done without him?

She pulled him down for another kiss. Now that she’d gotten a taste she couldn’t stop kissing him. He nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth and Belle gasped, his tongue twining with hers.

She yanked at the knot of his tie, eager to feel his skin against hers, to get as close to him as humanly possible.

“Too many clothes,” she gasped against his mouth. It was her same old complaint, one she’d oft repeated during their marriage. Peeling away his many layers was fun when they had all the time in the world, but tonight they just got in the way. She was sure that if they waited too long, if they dragged this out, one or both of them would lose their nerve; the awkwardness would settle between them once again stealing away all traces of warmth and desire.

“I promise I haven’t got better looking in the past four years,” Rumple quipped, breaking away just long enough to tug his tie over his head before he was back on Belle.

“You’ve always been beautiful,” Belle protested, cupping his cheek once again and dragging her thumb across his lower lip. “My Rumple.”

Rumple turned his face, planting a chaste kiss to the inside of her wrist. And it was that motion more than any other that almost broke her. It was too gentle, too sweet. If he continued that way, she’d never keep her feelings to herself.

She needed to speed this up.

She set to work on the buttons at his throat, eager to bare his skin and trail her fingers over every beloved inch of him. With every pull of a button another inch of lightly tanned skin appeared. It was almost like the first time, her anticipation building. By the time Rumple pulled away to discard his cufflinks and shrug the shirt off his shoulders, she thought she might go mad with it.

She trailed her hands over his smooth chest, her fingers playing over his nipples and Rumple growled, collapsing back on top of her. He buried his face in her cleavage, breathing in her scent and cupping her breasts with his hands, kneading and squeezing.

“You’ve been driving me crazy all night Belle,” he moaned against her skin, his mouth hot and wet against her sternum and his stubble scraping her sensitive flesh. “That dress. Why would you do that to me?”

Belle let out a surprised giggle, pleased that he’d appreciated her dress.

“Just wanted to look nice,” she said.

“Sweetheart, you’d look nice in a paper sack,” he murmured, pressing kisses to the tops of her breasts. “That dress was just unfair.”

Rumple tugged at the straps of her bra, pulling the cups down until they freed her breasts to his gaze. With no further warning his mouth descended on her right breast, his lips latching around her nipple and suckling. His hand found her other breast, plucking at her nipple with his fingers and Belle moaned, arching her body into his.

She wanted to grip on to his hair, tug it and direct him where she wanted, but her arms were trapped by the straps of her bra, limiting her movement.

“Get it off,” she whimpered.

Rumple pulled back, looking wild. “What?”

“My bra,” she said, squirming beneath him. “Take it off.”

Rumple looked relieved as he reached behind her to undo the clasp, quickly divesting her of it and slipping it the rest of the way down her arms. Belle took advantage of the freedom to bury her hands in the short strands of his hair, still so silky and soft even without the length.

Rumple planted a gentle kiss to her sternum before trailing his kisses downward, across her stomach. His tongue dipped into the hollow of her hipbone and then his nose nudged against the lacy edge of her panties. She was so caught up in the sensations he was causing, in the pure unadulterated pleasure of him, that it took her sluggish mind a moment to realize what he was doing.

Before she could stop him, Rumple had planted his mouth on her, his hot breath wet against her most sensitive places through the thin barrier of her panties. His hands were skimming over her curves before settling on her hips, pulling her more firmly against him.

God, she wanted to let him go ahead. She wanted him to go down on her until she screamed his name. She wanted to feel his tongue swirling against her clit until her teeth chattered. But she had to stop him.

“Wait, wait,” she cried out, grabbing at his shoulders.

Rumple pulled back until he was sitting on the opposite side of the bed. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I shouldn’t have.”

“No,” Belle interrupted him. She hated that he was apologizing for being generous. “You know how much I love when you do that. I love that you always offered. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Rumple just nodded, still looking confused.

“It’s just that saliva can slow down the sperm,” she explained, recalling one of her many books on the subject. “It could lessen our chance of conception.”

“Oh,” Rumple said. He seemed to be drawing into himself again, a reminder of why exactly they were here and what the real reason for this night was. That wouldn’t do. She couldn’t have him going all stiff and formal on her again, not when things were going so well.

“Pretend you still love me, remember?” she prompted. “Can you just kiss me again?” she asked, hating how her voice sounded so uncertain.

“Aye,” Rumple agreed.

He climbed back up beside her, settling next to her and pulling her into his arms. She cupped his face, kissing him deeply, coaxing him back to her and away from thoughts of tomorrow, of babies and contracts. Here and now was what they had, it was where they’d remain until they were forced out of the moment.

She could feel Rumple relaxing against her, his hands wandering over her skin. He dragged his fingers down the length of her arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His hands slid around her, stroking down her back and playing along the groove of her spine before settling on her bottom, giving a firm squeeze.

Belle gasped into his mouth and Rumple trailed one hand up to her hip, pushing her on to her back and scooting up beside her, his cock nestled against her other hip. He slid his hand down over her belly and between her legs, slipping one finger beneath edge of her panties as his nose nuzzled beneath her ear.

“Is this allowed?” he breathed. Belle nodded furiously, the feel of his finger playing across her sensitive flesh driving her out of her mind with want. “Good.”

He pulled his hand away and Belle bit back a whimper. But he just hooked his thumbs on the waistband of her panties, pulling them down off her legs and tossing them away. Then he resumed his position beside her. His warm hand cupped her mound and Belle stifled a moan at even that light touch. When he trailed one thick, blunt finger through her folds she couldn’t hold it back anymore, her head rolled back and she gasped loudly.

“So wet,” he said wonderingly. “Fuck, Belle, you’re wet.”

She just nodded, wishing he would touch her properly. As if reading her mind, Rumple slid one finger inside her and Belle let out a shuddering moan. He pressed kisses to her jaw, her neck, biting lightly at her shoulder. All the while he stroked her and Belle could feel her knees beginning to shake at the sensation of having any part of him inside her again. He added another finger, his thumb coming up to rub at her clit. It was too much, she was going to burst, explode from the tension of it all. She could feel herself building to her climax, the first at anyone’s hand but her own in so damn long.

Her breath was coming out in shuddering gasps, her nipples hard and skin flushed pink. She was so close.

“Come for me, Belle,” Rumple whispered against her ear, his accent thickened with lust. “Please, darling, can you come for me?”

She broke apart, the whole world condensing to nothing but the feel of Rumple’s hand between her thighs. He continued to stroke her through her orgasm until it was too much against her sensitive flesh. She grabbed at his hand, stilling it as she fell back against the pillows feeling boneless and spent.

Rumple pulled his hand back, licking his fingers clean unabashedly and groaning at the taste of her.

“You’re so beautiful when you come,” he growled against her ear and Belle felt a shudder through her whole body, eager for more of him even in her post orgasmic state.

Rumple kept trailing his fingers up and down her side as she caught her breath, skimming over the swell of her breast down to the bend of her waist over her hip and down her thigh. His touch was electric, doing nothing to calm her but only keeping her on edge.

She wanted to return the favor, make him feel as good as he was doing to her. She cupped the rigid line of his cock, straining against the confines of his trousers.

Rumple groaned, pressing close to kiss her again, his lips warm and soft against hers. Then he pulled back, quickly kicking off his shoes and socks before pulling his trousers and boxers down in one swift movement and coming back to her side on the bed.

Belle’s mouth went dry at the sight of Rumple completely naked for the first time in years. She glanced down to where his cock was nestled between them, thick and hard and begging for her attention. She took him in hand, stroking her thumb over the flushed head, already leaking in anticipation.

“Don’t,” Rumple commanded, gripping her hand with his. “I won’t last.”

Belle just nodded, letting him take control. He moved overtop her, settling between her legs once more. She could feel him against her core and she ached to have him inside her.

“Are you sure?” he asked, meeting her eyes as he braced himself on his forearms, his face just inches from hers.

“Yes, I want you,” she protested, gripping at his back. “Please.” She didn’t even care that she’d abandoned all pretense that this was just for procreative purposes. She wanted him, needed him inside her, making her feel like no one else could. For now, she could just pretend that he still loved her, give in to the fantasy that this was real.

He pushed his hands through her hair as he kissed her, the scent of her clinging to his fingertips and she let loose a needy little moan, pulling him closer, clinging to him.

She thought he’d enter her then, push in and hold her close. But instead, Rumple rolled on to his back, pulling her over him to straddle him.

“Is this okay?” he asked, looking up at her.

“Yeah,” she agreed. She didn’t want to wait any longer, no more questions. She rose up on her knees, gripping his cock in her hand before lining them up and sliding home.

“Oh!” she exclaimed at the feel of him filling her up. Her head rolled back, her back arching. Rumple gripped on to her hips, his hips lifting off the mattress to press into her.

“God you feel so good,” he moaned. His hands slid up from her waist, cupping her breasts, his calloused thumbs playing across her sensitive nipples and Belle couldn’t keep still if she’d been commanded to.

She started to move, raising up on her knees before settling back on him again, rocking her hips against his. She braced her hands on his belly, her fingers playing in the springy dark hair that trailed down to his groin.

“God, Rumple,” she cried out, her eyes slamming shut at the overwhelming sensations. He was everywhere, inside her, fondling her breasts, his scent enveloping her. Her mind was blank, finally, not a single thought of their situation or the awkwardness that would follow. It was just the two of them, finding their pleasure together like they always had.

She felt one of his hands leave her breast and find its way between her legs, his thumb settling against her clit, brushing against it with every thrust. Her thighs began to shake, sweat beading along her spine. She wasn’t going to last much longer.

She quickened her pace, her hips grinding against his. Rumple was thrusting up beneath her, and she opened her eyes, locking on to his as she tightened around him, coming hard with a breathy cry.

Rumple gripped her hips, steadying her as she spasmed and collapsed against his chest feeling utterly boneless.

“Are you alright,” he whispered into her hair, rubbing his hands soothingly down her back.

Belle could only nod against his neck, her voice not quite working yet. He was still hard inside her and she knew they needed to continue to make all of this worthwhile.

Rumple rolled her on to her back, settling her head on the pillows before he started thrusting again. One hand was in her hair, the other gripping the back of her knee, pulling it up so he could sink in to her as deep as possible. Belle pulled her other leg up, wrapping it around his waist and Rumple groaned, burying his head against her throat.

His movements were erratic, his pace quickening until the only sound in the room was their uneven panting and the slap of flesh against flesh. Belle could feel him impossibly hard inside her grinding against her overly sensitive flesh, he was close and so was she, amazing as the prospect was.

Rumple pushed her knee up against her chest his hips slamming in to hers as he finally lost all control, his cock pulsing deep inside her, filling her up. She broke again with a cry, her orgasm rolling over her sharp and bright. Rumple was no less vocal, grunting and shouting before finally stilling, collapsing against her and his weight pressing her into the bed.

They lay there catching their breath and recovering before Rumple finally rolled off of her with a muttered apology. She could feel his seed sticky between her thighs and gave a thought to what they were really there for. She hoped this worked.

“Holy fuck,” she breathed after a moment.

“Yeah,” Rumple agreed from beside her.

They lay there in stunned silence, the sort of silence that follows a sudden and unexpected outburst of passion. Belle felt unreasonably shy and embarrassed in the aftermath, an altogether incongruous reaction considering everything they’d just done together.

“Thank you,” she said suddenly, flinching at how stupid the words sounded. “I mean, thank you for agreeing…I hope this works,” she finished lamely, biting her lip to keep any more word vomit from bubbling out of her.

Rumple glanced over at her from beneath raised eyebrows.

“You’re quite welcome.”

She thought she detected a slight smugness. He was quite proud of himself. Rolling on to her side, she propped herself up on her elbow, eager to explore this new mood of his.

“We’re pretty good at that,” she prompted.

“Like riding a bike,” Rumple said. “Muscle memory or something like that.”

“I don’t actually know how to ride a bike,” she pointed out. It was one of those modern world things she’d never quite mastered. Not even her Lacey memories covered that one.

“Well, sweetheart,” Rumple said languidly. “I think you could proficiently ride anything you put your mind to.”

Belle snorted at the innuendo. Counter to what she’d thought, this was quite possibly the most natural they’d been around each other in years. Perhaps they should have slept together ages ago.

“I miss your hair,” she said suddenly, rubbing her hand through the short silver strands. “I mean it looks good this way too, I just always really loved your hair.”

Rumple shrugged. “It’s easier to manage this way, especially when Gid was a baby.”

“True,” Belle conceded. She well remembered Gideon yanking on her hair when he was younger. “If I get pregnant, maybe I should chop mine all off too.”

Rumple’s eyes widened, pushing up on his elbows. “Don’t do that,” he exclaimed.

Belle smirked. “Why not? You don’t think I’d look good with a pixie cut like Snow?”

Rumple wrinkled his nose. “You have beautiful hair,” he said, reaching out to pull on a tendril hanging over her shoulder. “I just think it’d be a shame to deprive the world of it. But if you really want to cut it, that’s your decision.”

Belle flopped back against the pillows again, comfortable in the beat of silence that followed. It was nice to not feel like she had to fill the silence for once. Now that her body had cooled from their earlier exertion she was cold and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. She was about to suggest they move under the covers, but then thought better of it. She probably shouldn’t actually spend the night.

“I guess I should go,” she said regretfully. Honestly she was exhausted and would have liked nothing more than to curl up next to Rumple and sleep for several hours. But that felt too familiar for what this was. She’d promised him no more sleepovers after the awkwardness that followed their last one so many months ago. She couldn’t go back on that now.

“You don’t have to,” Rumple said, his voice little more than a whisper. “Gideon is with Granny for the night. There’s no reason you can’t stay.”

It would be so easy, easy to pretend as she had in bed. Easy to let herself get lost in the fantasy. But it would make the morning that much harder when Rumple became cold and closed off once again.

“I think we both know that’s not true,” she said sadly.

Rumple didn’t say anything, just rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, his face unreadable.

Belle sat up, glancing around for her clothes. They’d ended up scattered around the bedroom and she stood self-consciously, suddenly excruciatingly aware of her nakedness as she darted to where her panties were lying next to the dresser. She pulled them back on, glancing over her shoulder to where Rumple was still laying on the bed silently.

And she realized she didn’t want to leave. And she didn’t have to.

Why the fuck were they making themselves so miserable when they obviously both wanted at least this much out of their relationship?

Rumple’s arms were crossed against his chest, his eyes fixated unblinkingly on one spot on the ceiling. He looked sad, his eyes glinting in the low lamplight with what she thought may have been tears. She didn’t want to hurt him. She didn’t want to go home and cry herself to sleep for what they’d lost.

She would pretend, just a little bit longer.

“We, um, should probably try again though,” she said, her voice cutting through the room and startling Rumple so he finally looked her way. “I mean, to make sure we have the best chance of conceiving.”

He didn’t answer, just looked at her with his mouth hanging slightly open.

“It makes sense that the more arrows you fire the better chance of hitting the target, right?” she said, wincing at her own euphemism.

Rumple’s eyebrows rose as he sat up fully on the bed. “That seems rational.”

“And we’ve already done it once, what’s another time?” she continued. “It’s not like we could make things more awkward. We’ve already committed.”

“Belle, I’m agreeing,” he cut across her rambling. “You don’t have to convince me.”

“Oh,” she said, still just standing in the middle of the room in nothing but her panties.

“Would you like to come back to bed?” he offered.

Belle just nodded. There was no way she wasn’t going to regret this in the morning, but for now she followed her heart.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumple and Belle have a stressful morning after.
> 
> This chapter got divided in two because it was getting too long. Next chapter, Rumple and Belle both get an outside perspective and have a long overdue conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is no longer canon compliant and I couldn’t be happier about it! It’s now an AU where Rumbelle never got back together in the season 6 finale. Otherwise it still works because everybody lived and Gideon got turned back into a baby. But yay for canon screwing up my universe!

Rumplestiltskin barely slept despite the fact that, for once, his body was quite tired. After their third attempt at shooting arrows at targets as Belle had so innocently phrased it, he’d got up to go to the bathroom. By the time he returned, Belle was fast asleep, curled up in the center of the bed, her hair fanned out on the pillows like a chestnut halo.

He wasn’t sure if she’d actually meant to sleep over or if exhaustion had just overtaken her. He knew from experience that a few good orgasms could knock Belle out for hours. Regardless he wasn’t going to wake her up and find out, so he simply donned a pair of pajama pants and crawled back into the bed next to her.

It was too good to be true, so he knew it wasn’t, but the night had been as close to perfect as he could have imagined. The awkwardness had fallen away; being with Belle came as naturally as breathing. And now, here she was, curled up next to him, her warm little body snuggled against his side, her freezing feet seeking out his beneath the covers. It was as though the past few years had been nothing more than a bad dream and he’d awoken to find Belle exactly where she belonged; beside him.

God, he missed her.

He didn’t want to fall asleep. He didn’t want to take a single moment with her for granted. He knew when dawn broke and Belle woke up, their relationship would be forever altered. She would want to continue on as they always had been and he knew it would be impossible for him. He loved her and he could no longer pretend he didn’t.

He trailed a hand through her hair, watching her serene face in the moonlight. She was so beautiful, so incredibly good, he still couldn’t determine what she’d ever seen in him. She could have any man she wanted and yet here she was, in his bed, even after all this heartache and all this time. There was something that tethered them together, something that wouldn’t quite let them go no matter how much they hurt each other. Call it true love, call it masochism, but he would never be free from the torment of loving her.

If only she could still love him.

But it had all been pretend, an elaborate tableau to reach a desired end. He didn’t think Belle had been faking everything. She’d enjoyed herself, he’d made sure of it. But he well knew that sex and love were not necessarily overlapping things. Just because he could still make her come didn’t mean her heart was in it, no matter how tempting it was to believe otherwise.

He spooned up closer behind Belle, wrapping his arms around her. She gave a little snuffle in her sleep, turning in his arms and burying her head against his chest. He stilled, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. But her breath just evened out again, one slender arm draping across his chest and holding him in her sleep.

If he could have made a moment last forever, it would have been this one. He wanted her back. He wanted her to be his wife again. And instead of it being an intangible pipe dream like it had been the past four years, now it felt so close he could taste it.

That was always the danger of tonight, that he would forget his place and push for more than she was willing to give. All Belle wanted was a baby. Rumple wanted everything.

He pressed a kiss to her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. He wanted everything. He wanted her to move back in. He wanted to marry her again. He wanted to give her more children and raise them together in a home where they never doubted their parents’ love for each other. He wanted to wake up every morning with her in his arms and go to sleep every night with her taste on his lips. He wanted to give up the power and grow old with her.

How the hell was he supposed to pretend he didn’t?

And that’s when, in the haze of post orgasmic bliss and lassitude, with the scent of Belle surrounding him and the feel of her lush little body pressed against his, Rumple had an epiphany.

Belle might not love him anymore, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to earn her love back. He would never deserve her. Belle could and should do far better than him. But maybe, just maybe, she would choose him again.

These past four years he’d been the best father he could be. He’d supported Belle and Gideon, been there for every milestone, and tried to be Belle’s friend because that’s all she’d wanted from him. He’d never tried to win her back. Perhaps it was time to try.

His mind made up, he settled in, thinking perhaps he’d get some sleep after all.

* * *

 

Belle awoke the next morning alone. She wasn’t surprised, really. She’d fallen asleep in Rumple’s bed and he certainly wanted her gone now that their evening together was over.

She stretched out, her body still aching pleasantly from the night before, before sitting up, casting an eye around for her clothes.

She was almost glad Rumple wasn’t there. If she’d woken up in his arms, to any sort of tenderness, it would be too easy to slip into something, something that in the harsh light of day she was certain she wasn’t ready for. But to wake up alone, like she had so many times during their marriage, was just the reminder she needed.

She couldn’t trust Rumple with her heart and she’d be an idiot to let him have it again. Even as she thought the words she knew they were a lie. Rumple already had her heart. She’d never got it back. But it wouldn’t do to let him know.

She located her bra, putting it back on while she swept the room for her panties with less luck. She hadn’t meant to sleep over which meant she hadn’t bothered to bring an overnight bag. The only thing she had to wear was the dress she’d worn the night before and it certainly wasn’t suitable for picking up Gideon at Granny’s diner this morning. That meant she’d have to run home first and change. And she really ought to have a shower. She smelled of sweat and sex and dear God what had they done?

She sat back on the bed, panic rising in her chest. She and Rumple had sex. Multiple times. Multiple amazing times. And now she had to get up and leave his house wearing the same dress he’d stripped off her the night before.

Clearly Rumple wanted nothing more to do with her. She wondered if he was even still in the house or if he’d escaped to the shop the moment the sun breached the horizon. She wondered if he’d even slept beside her at all or if he’d darted away the moment her eyes slipped closed. How could he be so cold? How could he just up and leave after everything they, or at least she, had felt last night?

But perhaps he didn’t feel anything. She had asked him to pretend he still loved her. He had played the part well. It wasn’t fair to expect him to keep the ruse going forever.

A gentle knock on the bedroom door was the only warning she had before it swung open revealing Rumple in a bathrobe and pajama pants and carrying a laden breakfast tray.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” he said, a gentle smile on his lips. His hair was mussed from sleep, silvery stubble covering his cheeks, his bathrobe was cinched at the waist but still revealing a triangle of smooth, tanned chest. He hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt and she wanted more than anything to run her hands over that triangle of skin, slip the bathrobe from his shoulders and press herself against him.

Belle shook her head, trying to clear the image. There was something so intimate about seeing him this way, even more so than being naked with him the night before. She hadn’t seen him with messy hair or stubble or a bathrobe in years. It was domestic and beautiful and her heart ached to know it wouldn’t last.

“I made breakfast,” Rumple continued timidly, holding out the tray.

“Oh,” Belle said, unable to mask her surprise. She’d expected Rumple to run and hide this morning, to avoid her, or else become cold, businesslike and efficient. Instead he was standing in the doorway with a tray laden with waffles, fresh coffee, and a few flowers from his garden cut and arranged in a silver vase.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing toward her with the tray.

Belle nodded, feeling a little shell-shocked. This was so different from what she’d expected. What exactly was Rumple playing at?

He placed the tray down on the bed, climbing back in on the other side from her. It was only then Belle realized belatedly that she was still only wearing her bra, her underwear seemingly lost for the moment. She grabbed one of the pillows, clutching it across her lap for modesty.

“Coffee?” Rumple asked, seemingly unfazed by her lack of clothing, and beginning to fill two ceramic mugs from a small French press.

“What are you doing?” she blurted out.

Rumple looked up at her confusedly. “Making your coffee,” he said, brandishing the French press. “Would you rather tea? We had a late night, I thought the coffee might be preferable.”

Belle just sat there gaping at him and Rumple went back to preparing her coffee, adding a splash of cream and one sugar, before pressing the cup in to her hands.

For lack of anything better to do, she took a sip. It was strong and good and prepped just the way she preferred.

“How are you feeling?” Rumple asked over the rim of his own mug.

That was a loaded question. Belle wasn’t sure how she was feeling. She’d spent the night making love to her ex-husband, for that’s what it was rather than just sex, and dreading the morning to come. They’d massively overstepped. They were supposed to be in and out, keep things simple and emotionless. But her stupid big mouth had asked him to pretend he still loved her, and he’d done just that. He’d made love to her. He’d laved her entire body with his tongue and used his fingers on her making her come over and over until her body felt wrung out with pleasure. He’d kissed her so deeply and so lovingly. Then she’d woken up alone, like he’d left her so many times before, even if it was just to make breakfast.

And now Rumple was offering her waffles like this was a usual occurrence. Like something hadn’t inexorably shifted between them. Like she could just eat breakfast with him and keep from pushing him down, riding him hard, and telling him once and for all how much she loved him.

“I don’t know,” she admitted finally. “We had sex and the world didn’t implode, so I guess that’s something.”

Rumple gave her a quizzical look. “Were you expecting it to?”

Belle shrugged, setting down her coffee on the tray between them. “I thought this morning might kill us both.”

“I told you I thought our relationship could survive this,” he pointed out. “That day in Whale’s parking lot.”

“You did,” she agreed, recalling his words at the time. He’d said they could have sex with no emotions involved. And perhaps, on his side, this has been a rousing success. Rumple had always been a convincing liar.

She suddenly felt small and stupid and naïve. She gripped the pillow tighter against her, wishing she’d put her dress on before he’d come in the room. She was too exposed, too vulnerable.

Rumple was being a perfect gentleman. He hadn’t leered at her in her state of undress, he hadn’t so much as touched her. From the way he was acting, you’d never know they’d spent the night together. He was keeping his distance but still being friendly. Somehow she thought his dreaded coldness would have hurt less. It would have implied he was keeping his distance, guarding himself from being hurt. Instead he was acting as if nothing of note had happened at all.

She would be an idiot to go back to him for so many reasons, least of all that he didn’t feel the same way. He’d never loved her enough and now was no different.

“Would you like to try the waffles?” Rumple asked, pushing a plate toward her on the tray. “They’re blueberry.”

“No,” she snapped, her roiling emotions getting the better of her. Rumple’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, a shadow of hurt passing over them, before they became shuttered to her. His mouth settled into a firm line as he dropped his hands into his lap.

She shook her head. She didn’t want to hurt him no matter how much pain she was in.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “But please, Rumple, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

He blinked, his dark eyes baleful.

“Why does it have to be hard?” he hissed out. “Why does it always have to be hard?”

Did he really not understand? Did he not realize how in love with him she still was? Did he not know how hard it was to pretend like everything was okay when everything had changed? Could he not tell that every fiber of her being wanted to reach for him, even now? That there was nothing she wanted more than to forget the past and start again, and that that thought scared her more than absolutely anything?

Belle could feel the tears pricking her eyes and she bit her lip trying to keep them from falling.

“All I did was make breakfast,” he muttered under his breath.

“This was a mistake,” she said with a shake of her head. “I didn’t think things through.”

“Of course you didn’t think this through,” he spat, standing up from the bed and running a hand through his hair. “You never do. You’re so bloody impulsive you chase after bloodthirsty pirates and sneak out of windows and curse yourself whilst pregnant without a second thought. You never think about the consequences of anything!”

He was ranting now and Belle rather thought he was saying things he’d kept bottled up for far too long.

Belle stood up too, dropping the pillow back to the bed, no longer caring about her modesty.

“If I’m such an idiot why did you go along with it?” she demanded. “I didn’t do this alone. You wanted a baby too.”

“I don’t want a baby!” he blurted out.

“What?” Belle gasped, feeling stricken. All the time she thought they’d both wanted the end result. But after all of this, the months of anguish, of turning herself inside out trying to get pregnant and Rumple didn’t even want a child with her?

Rumple stopped his pacing, turning to look at her. His eyes were wild, his bathrobe hanging open, his chest heaving. He took a deep breath, seeming to calm himself, before answering.

“I mean, I do want one,” he backtracked. “But not like this, Belle. I don’t want to bring a child into this world just to do it. I want a baby conceived out of love not because of a contract. I want to raise a child with my wife, not a co-parent. I want all of it or none of it.”

And there it was, the horrible truth. He wanted to move on with his life, and she was holding him back. He deserved that much. He deserved to find love again and not be tethered to an ex-wife who didn’t even know what she wanted.

“Oh,” she said simply.

“Yeah,” Rumple agreed.

Belle nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay, trying to hide how thoroughly her heart was breaking.

“Well, that’s that then,” she managed to rasp out. That wasn’t it. Not even close. The deed was already done. She could very well be pregnant from their night together. Would she be raising a child alone? She didn’t think so. Rumple would never abandon his own blood. But she would live with the constant knowledge that she’d trapped him into something he didn’t want.

“I guess it is,” Rumple agreed, his own voice tremulous. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

Belle nodded again, grabbing her dress off the floor where it had landed the night before and pulling it on over her head.

“I have to pick up Gideon before Granny gets too busy with the breakfast rush.”

“Of course,” Rumple said, dragging a hand over his face.

“I need to go home and change first,” she continued moronically as she zipped up. “Can’t be seen in this thing. God knows what people would think.”

“Belle,” he cut across her. “Just go.”

She stopped talking, her shoulders tensing at the dismissal. He didn’t want a baby, he didn’t want her, he wanted to move on, why had he agreed to any of this in the first place? The question burned on her tongue but she didn’t ask. She didn’t want to know. Perhaps it was all just an itch to scratch. Perhaps he’d been curious about what sex would be like with her after all this time. Maybe it was one last fling before he cut her away completely.

“Fine,” she said, anger replacing the sadness. “I’m keeping Gideon for the weekend. You can pick him up on Monday.”

“It’s my week,” he protested. In their past four years of joint custody, she had never tried to steal time away from him. It had been like clockwork, one week with each parent, unless otherwise organized in advance.

“I need my son,” she cried, wheeling around and finally facing Rumple, looking him in the eye. There was anguish there, his brown eyes red with unshed tears as if this was hurting him as much as it was her. But she couldn't go home to her thoughts all weekend. She couldn't sit alone and wait to find out she was pregnant with a baby whose father didn't want her or it. 

They stared at each other for a long moment, Rumple’s jaw clenching together before he finally sank back down on to the bed, the sheets still rumpled from their night together. Last night, things had been wonderful. How had everything gone so spectacularly wrong? She couldn’t stay here another moment. She couldn’t be in this room where he had loved her so well knowing he never wanted her again.

“Monday,” Rumple agreed finally. “Enjoy your weekend.”

“Thank you,” she replied stiffly. Then she ran from the room, only just having the sense to grab her coat before she was out the front door and putting as much space between them as possible.


	9. Chapter 9

Belle continued walking at a brisk pace until she’d reached the sanctuary of her own street. Only then did she allow herself to slow down, her feet aching in the four-inch heels she’d worn the night before.

It had all gone so spectacularly wrong. She hadn’t expected anything else, but the reality of it managed to be worse than she’d feared. She and Rumple hadn’t fought in years, not like this. She couldn’t remember the last time either of them had raised their voice at the other. And now they were screaming at each other across the rumpled bed sheets they’d made love on just hours prior.

It was all too familiar, a well-known pain from their years together. No one had the ability to make her simultaneously feel so amazing and so awful as Rumplestiltksin.

She was walking up her own driveway when she realized she was crying, the tears blurring her view of her front door. He didn’t want her anymore. He wanted something new, something different, something less complicated than the history they shared.

Belle let out a mirthless chuckle. She had no one but herself to blame. She’d been the one to end things. She’d been the one to insist they raise Gideon together without getting back together. She had been the one to draw up the divorce papers. And yet she’d never really let him go. She’d always had him there, eager to help with Gideon or go to dinner or spend the holidays as a family. She was so bloody selfish she’d kept him stuck to her even when she’d told him in word and deed she didn’t want him. After four years, what did she expect? Just because she’d resigned herself to never having another relationship didn’t mean she should hold Rumple to the same standard.

Of course he wanted a wife, a family, more children. Family had always been so important to Rumple and while Gideon would always be of utmost importance to him, who was she but a clingy ex-wife?

Belle fumbled with her house keys, getting the front door open and kicking off her shoes in the entryway. She needed to shower and change and relieve Granny of Gideon.

She gasped.

Gideon.

How had she been so thoughtless? She was so hurt, scrambling for anything to feel better, that she’d claimed an extra two days with Gideon. She’d never breached their custody agreement before. Now not only had she all but forced herself on a man who didn’t want her to make a baby he had no interest in, she’d taken away the child he did love more than anything.

A fresh wave of tears started, threatening to overwhelm her if she let it. She couldn’t feel sorry for herself, or Rumple, right now. She had to pull herself together.

She made her way upstairs to her bathroom, turning on the shower tap and letting the water heat up as she stripped off the stupid dress she’d worn the night before. She threw it into the corner of the bathroom in a crumpled heap. She never wanted to see it again.

She could feel Rumple’s handprints all over her and she felt the need to scrub away every trace of him. Her stomach was roiling with guilt and she wanted to forget the night before had ever happened no matter that she’d gone there with the express purpose of getting pregnant.

She climbed in to the shower, letting the pounding pressure of the showerhead beat down onto her shoulders. It wasn’t quite hot enough and she turned the taps as far as they would go until the water was boiling hot, stinging her skin and filling the bathroom with steam.

The pain of the hot water almost felt good. It was a punishment she deserved. She had clung to Rumple for four years while still holding him at arms length. How poetic was it that she only realized that she truly wanted him, all of him, now that she’d lost him forever? She had waffled for so long, so afraid of being hurt by Rumple again. But she couldn’t imagine a worse pain than seeing him happy, in love with someone else. She should want that for him, but all she could feel at the moment was agony at the thought.

When she clamored out of the shower, her skin was bright pink from the heat of the spray and she wrapped a towel around herself, trudging in to her bedroom to get ready for the day. She had to pick up Gideon. She had to face Granny who was sure to question her need for an overnight sitter. She had to go to work and sit at her desk in the library pretending everything was okay. All she really wanted to do was climb under the covers of her bed and hide away from the world. But she knew if she did that, she’d only end up reliving every moment of the night before when she’d felt totally at home in Rumple’s arms, his familiar touches making her whole body sing.

She hadn’t fully realized how much she’d missed that aspect of their relationship until she’d had it back for a night.

With a shake of her head, she pulled on a blouse and skirt, attempting to make herself presentable. She was running frightfully late now and Granny was no doubt annoyed at having Gideon underfoot while trying to run the diner. With one last glance back at her reflection, her eyes puffy from crying and her hair damp from the shower, she gave a halfhearted shrug and set out for the day.

The breakfast rush was already in full swing by the time she made it across town to the diner and, as anticipated, Granny was in a fine mood.

“I’m sorry I’m running so late, Granny,” she said. Gideon was sitting in a booth, scribbling on a piece of paper with crayons, a cup of chocolate milk next to him. He looked up at Belle and gave her a wave as she entered. Granny was looking beleaguered as she carted a tray laden with breakfast specials to the dwarfs.

“It’s about time,” Granny groused. “I thought maybe you skipped town on me.”

Belle rolled her eyes at the accusation.

“I just had a later morning than anticipated,” she explained.

“Mhmm,” came Granny’s reply, casting an appraising look over Belle, the ends of her long hair still wet from the shower, her decided lack of makeup. “Did you have a nice time last night?”

Belle shook her head in feigned confusion. “I was just working late at the library.”

Granny set the plates down in front of the dwarfs before turning back toward the kitchen, Belle trailing in her wake.

“Do you take me for an idiot, Belle?” Granny asked slightly exasperated, leaning against the counter before continuing in a lower voice. “You had a date last night and it doesn’t take a genius to guess with who.”

Belle could feel her cheeks heating that she’d been found out so easily, though she hadn’t really expected to fool Granny.

“It wasn’t a date,” she mumbled, crossing her arms and biting her lip. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”

Granny just snorted. “Went about as well as can be expected then, I suppose.”

Belle sighed. She wasn’t in the mood for one of Granny’s lectures, or snide comments about Rumple, or any of it.

“Whatever you plan to say couldn’t possibly make me feel worse than I already do,” she headed Granny off.

Granny wiped her hands on a dishtowel, turning to face Belle across the counter.

“I don’t really care what kind of back and forth the two of you want to play, God knows the town is used to it, but you’re not the only ones effected anymore,” she said with a pointed look at Gideon.

Belle felt her heart sink that her son would be hurt by his parents’ strained relationship. For the first three years of his life they had gotten on as well as exes could be expected to. But just as he was getting older and more aware, his parents’ relationship was imploding.

“Did he say anything to you?” she asked Granny, dreading the answer.

“He asked me why his mama and papa don’t like each other anymore and whether I thought you’d ever live together like Neal’s parents. Real fun conversation to have with a three year old, I tell you.”

Belle cringed. “What did you say?”

“I said that was something he needed to ask you,” Granny said, heaving herself away from the counter and filling up a mug from the coffee pot before setting it down in front of Belle. “I’m not going to be the one to crush that boy’s hopes.”

Belle could feel the tears stinging her eyes once again, shocked that she had any tears left to cry. She wasn’t just ruining Rumple’s life with her indecision. She was hurting Gideon as well. She should have never asked Rumple to father her child. She should have kept their relationship as it had been, even if it slowly killed her.

“Granny,” she said hoarsely, her throat tight with the effort not to cry.

“Okay,” Granny said quietly, coming around the counter and putting an arm around her shoulder. She barked a few orders at the wait staff before leading Belle out the back of the dining room and into a large pantry filled with sacks of potatoes and flour, the shelves fit to bursting with boxes of food and ingredients. It was warm and smelled slightly of cinnamon. For some reason it reminded Belle of her mother and the sobs wracked her body.

“Let it out,” Granny said, rubbing her back soothingly. “I’m not letting you take Gideon home until you’ve composed yourself.”

Belle just stood in Granny’s pantry, her shoulders hunched and arms wrapped around herself as she cried. Granny continued rubbing her back, whispering comforting nonsense in her ear.

“That’s it,” Granny said as Belle finally surfaced, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket. “Feels better, doesn’t it?”

Belle just nodded, still too overwhelmed to try talking.

“He doesn’t love me anymore,” she finally croaked out. “I know I shouldn’t care. I know I ended things years ago. I know him moving on is expected and good, but I feel like I’m being twisted inside out. It feels like when he lied about the dagger or when he lied about being the Dark One again and that should make me wary and scared and it has all these years, but now I think losing him for good hurts worse than anything else ever could.”

She finished off, her chest heaving. It felt good to speak her thoughts, to say them out in the open to someone else.

Granny shook her head, a smile on her lips.

“Why on earth do you think he doesn’t love you anymore?”

Belle shrugged. She didn’t want to go over everything Rumple had said. She didn’t want to talk about how he didn’t want a child with her and was eager to move on without her. Every word felt like a cut and soon she’d be bleeding out from them.

“He doesn’t want a baby,” she said at last. “At least not with me. Which means the past six months of my life, all the heartache I’ve had over our fertility issues, the hormones and the pills and the feeling like an utter failure, was for nothing. He didn’t want any of it and I’m the bitch who forced it on him.”

“Hogwash,” Granny said succinctly.

Belle snorted at the unexpected exclamation.

“I’ve known Rumplestiltskin a long time,” Granny continued, crossing her arms. “For most of that time I’ve thought him a heartless monster. But he loves his sons, and he loves you. He hasn’t always loved you right and I’ll be the first to point that out, but he does love you.”

“He _did_ love me,” Belle said sadly. “He really loved me and he made mistakes because of it but these past few years since we got Gideon back he’s been nothing but honest with me. And this morning, he told me he only wanted children if he also had a wife and the whole family thing. He doesn’t want our broken little family anymore. He wants a real one.”

“Then remarry him,” Granny said with a shrug, like it was the easiest solution in the world. “He’s still in love with you, Belle. You’re the only one in the world who doesn’t know it. If he didn’t want a baby and he went along with all this anyway, why do you think that is?”

Belle didn’t answer so Granny just rolled her eyes. “Because it’s what you wanted and he wants to make you happy. He’s not the type to go around doing favors for people out of the goodness of his heart. You know that. You’re the exception.”

Belle paused. Could Rumple still have feelings for her? Then why had he written her off so completely that morning? Maybe he was tired of sitting around waiting for her to come to her senses. Or maybe he loved her as one loves a friend, or the mother of their child.

“So say you’re right and he does love me and that’s why he went along with all of this against his better judgment,” she said haltingly. “That doesn’t mean he wants to be with me. I mean, just because you love someone so much it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.”

Granny arched an eyebrow. “Are you talking about his feelings now, or your own?”

She had to admit her words sounded an awful lot like the monologue constantly running through her head any time she was in close proximity to Rumple. That just because she loved him didn’t mean they belonged together.

“He hurt me and I’m afraid if I let him back in he’ll do it again.” The words felt like they’d been pulled from her, but as soon as they were out she knew how true they were. There was no reason she and Rumple couldn’t have tried to be together again the day they got Gideon back, no reason except her own fear, the broken trust, and the decades of heartache behind them.

“And there it is,” Granny said, her arms spread wide. “Now go tell Gold that and you can work from there.”

Belle shook her head. “After this morning I couldn’t face him again.”

Granny huffed.

“Belle French I never took you for a coward.”

“Granny!” she exclaimed.

“You are a brave woman,” Granny said, raising a placating hand. “You never shy from doing the right thing no matter how hard it is, but right now you’re being a coward. Nothing is ever going to get settled unless you talk to the man. And in the meantime you’re just going to hurt your son.”

She knew Granny was right. She knew she had to tell Rumple how she was feeling in no uncertain terms. If he told her he never wanted to be with her again, she’d have to bear it. She couldn’t let them continue in a way that would hurt Gideon. And it’s not as though she had anything to lose anyway. Their relationship could not possibly get worse than they’d left it that morning. If Rumple told her for certain that he no longer loved her, she wouldn’t feel any worse than she did right now.

But maybe she could be brave tomorrow. She wasn’t quite ready to face Rumple again.

“Thank you, Granny,” she said with a nod. “For everything.”

Granny offered her an encouraging smile and a handkerchief before ushering her out of the pantry and back into the diner.

“Ready, Gid?” she asked her son, putting on her most cheerful face.

“Okay, Mama!” he said, scooting out of his booth and running over to take Belle’s hand.

Walking down the street with Gideon’s hand in hers, the world felt an infinitely more cheerful place. She couldn’t deprive Rumple of this, no matter how much she could use the distraction of Gideon’s company this weekend. She would bring him to Rumple's this afternoon as usual and if it led to an uncomfortable and all too needed conversation, she’d just have to deal with that.

Just because her heart was broken didn’t mean she should lash out at Rumple.

* * *

 

Across town, Rumple wasn’t faring much better than Belle.

He’d finally told Belle the truth, that he only wanted a child if they had the whole package, and she’d run from him like he was the devil himself. It was a reminder of why they’d played nice the past four years, why he’d never told Belle he still loved her. He’d been afraid that her reaction would be exactly what it was.

His worst fears were being confirmed. Belle would run far away and she would take Gideon with her.

A quick shower was followed by stripping the bed sheets. He couldn’t bear the thought of coming home to his empty house later that night and sleeping on the same sheets where he and Belle had made love.

Or rather the sheets where he’d made love to her, while she merely laid back and hoped for a pregnancy.

He trudged down the stairs to the laundry room, stuffing them into the washing machine. He could have easily had a fresh pair of sheets on the bed with a wave of his hand, but it felt better to do this the hard way. It was a physical purging of Belle from his home.

He’d been an idiot to think he could ever earn back her love. She wanted nothing to do with him beyond his capacity as a sperm donor and now that he’d finally been honest with her about his reservations, even that was gone.

He wanted a baby with Belle because he loved her, as he loved Gideon, and would love any child of theirs. But Belle would never want the same. She’d made that clear this morning.

It was with heavy feet and a heavier heart that he made his way to the pawnshop that morning. There wasn’t any pressing need to open. The Charmings would find him no matter where he hid. But staying home, hiding away, felt like conceding defeat. That wasn’t something Rumple liked to do under any circumstances.

The morning was slow and he couldn’t stop himself from frequently looking out the front windows of the shop toward the library, trying to discern some movement from within. The open sign was in place so Belle was there. She certainly wasn’t experiencing the same turmoil that he was. Her anger was that he wasn’t doing things her way. His utter devastation was due to the hope he’d allowed himself to feel last night and the subsequent crushing realization that he would never, ever truly have Belle’s love again no matter how he’d deluded himself.

He knew Belle was upset at his admission that he didn’t want a child this way. She wanted a baby, and he wanted to be able to give one to her. But he was done pretending he was satisfied. Despite how things had ended that morning, he couldn’t regret his honesty. Belle needed to know the truth, even if it hurt her.

It was that fear of hurting Belle with the truth that had often been their problem during their marriage. He had always tried to protect her from the darker parts of himself. But that was no way to live. If he couldn’t be honest with Belle, he couldn’t be honest with anyone. She needed to know, and he was glad he had told her, even if it cost him everything.

The bell above the shop door finally rang around mid morning, David barging in as usual.

“What do you want,” Rumple growled out. “The last thing I have the patience for this morning is dealing with your idiocy.”

David just raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing around his lips. Rumple almost missed the days when the other man had feared and loathed him. He supposed it was hard to fear someone when you dropped your child off at their house on a weekly basis for play dates.

“We’re fresh out of locator spells at the Sheriff’s office,” he explained. “Emma asked me to come over and buy a few off you.”

Rumple nodded, going to his potions cabinet and pulling out a few of the locator spells. He was, ostensibly, running a business after all.

“Rough night?” David asked, that infuriating smirk still in place as he paid for the spells. Rumple took particular relish in slamming his antique cash register closed with a bang.

“Nothing I wish to discuss with you,” he said shortly. Being accepted by the Charming family had its drawbacks. The whole bloody lot of them always wanted to talk.

“Trouble with Belle?” David pushed on infuriatingly.

Rumple was tired and irritated and must have betrayed himself with a look because David nodded understandingly.

“Ever since you defeated the Black Fairy and helped win the Final Battle you’ve been, well, not pleasant, but…” David paused, casting around for the right word. “Inoffensive.”

“Inoffensive?” Rumple spat.

“Yeah,” the other man said with a shrug. “You’re part of the family. You show up at town events. You get along with people. You’ve gone from feared dark sorcerer to weird uncle.”

“Does this recitation have a point?” Rumple asked, his voice dangerously low. A few short years ago he’d have turned Charming into a snail for this. He must be going soft after all.

“You’re generally a decent person these days,” David summarized. “But any time you have a tiff with Belle, you revert back to your oh so charming self. So do you want to talk about it?”

Rumple snorted. “I think not.”

“You know, I have a very happy wife at home,” David pointed out, leaning on his hands against the glass counter. “I’m full of advice when it comes to women.”

“I hardly think you can take credit for the fact that Snow has the natural disposition of an animated woodland creature on uppers.”

David snorted a laugh at the apt description of his wife. “She’s sunny,” he conceded. “Look, whatever you did to Belle, just apologize.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he snapped. “I thought I was doing things right for a change,” he added softly.

That earned him another arched eyebrow from David.

“Are you two…together?”

Rumple’s eyes snapped up to meet David’s.

“No,” he said miserably. “Of course not.”

“Oh,” David said crossing his arms and leaning his hip against the counter. Rumple bit back a sigh at the sign that David was settling in to talk for a while. “Snow and I had wondered if you were ever since that thing at the diner a few months back. Didn’t want to pry though.”

Rumple shook his head. “Thing at the diner?”

David chuckled. “Yeah, Gideon told the whole diner you and Belle were having ‘sleepovers’. Belle was mortified. It was cute.”

Rumple hadn’t realized his son was blabbing their personal information around town. Belle hadn’t clued him in at all. She’d just wanted to forget their ill advised sleepover just like she’d want to forget their most recent night together.

“Yes, well, we hardly make that a habit.”

David just shrugged. “Well, you know how the town rumor mill goes. There were bets on when the two of you would move back in together for a bit. But then everything seemed to continue as normal.”

Rumple snorted. Things had hardly been ‘normal’ between them since then. He couldn’t remember the last time things with Belle had felt normal. And he didn’t like normal to begin with. He wanted his wife back, their old normal, one that lasted far too short a time.

“Belle wants another child,” he explained, shocking himself with his honesty.

“With you?” David finished the statement with a question. At Rumple’s nod, he continued. “So the two of you have been…trying?”

David looked extremely uncomfortable and Rumple would have taken relish in it if he wasn’t equally as uncomfortable.

“With IUI,” he clarified.

David looked confused for a moment. “Like a sperm donor? Instead of the usual way?”

“Yes,” he agreed, hoping for an end to the conversation.

“But why?” David asked. “Why not just do things…”

Rumple held up a hand to stop him. “If the next words out of your mouth are ‘the old fashioned way’ you’ll hop out of here as a toad.”

David looked unconvinced but conceded the point.

“Sorry,” he said. “But that seems like a lot of work for something you could easily do at home, no doctor required.”

“Yes, well, that was the general idea last night,” Rumple snapped, letting his temper and this day get the best of him.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Prince Charming that could pull information out of him, things he wouldn’t share with any other living soul. Perhaps he’d always felt like David was a bit of a kindred spirit. They were both peasants who had been elevated, through vastly different channels, to playing with the royals. They were both all too aware of the hunger that could gnaw in your belly after a hard day's work with not enough food. They both had the same thirst to prove themselves though they approached it with very different methods. They both would die for their families.

David leveled him with a look, as if wondering if Rumple had really just admitted what he thought he had.

“Oh!” he said finally, cottoning on, stepping back from the counter. “So you are back together then! You old dog.”

David clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a lopsided smile.

“No, Charming,” Rumple ground out. “Believe it or not you don’t actually have to be married to do that.”

David rolled his eyes.

“I know that. But you’re Rumplestiltskin and Belle,” he said, arms spread wide, as if that settled everything. “You’re a true love story. You’re in the book, the same and me and Snow. You’re predestined. Meant to be. Couples like us, we can’t have one without the other.”

“Yes, well, unlike you and your lovely wife, Belle and I didn’t quite get a happy ending,” he said snidely.

David gave a little shrug. “It’s not the end,” he said with certainty. “You’re not dead, are you? Belle isn’t in another realm, she’s across the street. Doesn’t seem like an ending to me.”

Rumple wished he could have David’s certainty, his blind faith that true love would always win out. For Snow and Charming it always did. They were heroes, the ones who rode off into the sunset after vanquishing darkness. Rumple was the darkness and he dragged Belle down into misery with him.

“Villains don’t get happy endings,” he said heavily, staring down at the glass countertop.

David snorted. “You’re not a villain.”

Rumple looked up at him at that, certain he must have misheard him.

“What?” David asked. “You’re not. You were once, but so was Regina. So was Hook. You’ve managed to turn things around for Belle and for Gideon. You were born a savior, you vanquished your mother, you helped Emma win the final battle, and you haven’t done anything villainous in the past four years. I hate to break it to you, Gold, but I think you’re one of the good guys now.”

Rumple felt his lip curl at the insinuation but at the same time, something warm settled in his stomach. Perhaps he wasn’t as alone without Belle as he liked to think. Maybe his family circle extended a bit wider than just his ex-wife and his son. Those were thoughts for another time however.

“So what do you suggest then?” he asked, attempting to sound biting but hearing all too clearly the note of hopeful pleading in his voice.

“Well, have you told her how you feel?” David asked, seeming pensive. It was an odd look on him. “Have you told her that you love her?”

Rumple shrugged. “Not in so many words, but I’m certain she knows.”

David looked exasperated. “Tell her. In no uncertain terms.”

Rumple shook his head. “You don’t understand. You’ve never hurt Snow the way I’ve hurt Belle. She wiped her hands of me a long time ago.”

“You’ve spent years earning back her trust though. And Belle is the most forgiving person I’ve ever met. She’s sure to forgive you.”

“She has forgiven me,” he pointed out. “That doesn’t mean she wants me back.”

“Then win her back!” David said, throwing his hands up. It was the same thought Rumple had that very morning, before his hopes and attempts were crushed by Belle. “Be the man she fell in love with. Sweep her off her feet.”

“That would require a pair of leather trousers and a castle, neither of which I have at the moment,” he said sarcastically. David rolled his eyes again.

“Look, Gold, true love doesn’t just burn away. It’s forever. You may not see it anymore, but Belle still loves you. She has to. And maybe the two of you have had a rougher road than most of us, but that just means the end of the road is so much sweeter. If Snow and I had given up when things got tough we wouldn’t have Emma or Neal or this town. We wouldn’t have anything. It’s worth it to push through.”

David finished off his little speech with a nod, gathering up the locator spells from the counter.

“Thanks for the spells,” he said, turning to leave. "And don't overthink this and ruin things. Just, tell Belle how you feel. Speak from the heart."

With that sage advice ringing in his ears, David left the shop. 

“Thank you for your business,” Rumple mumbled as he watched the other man go.

The rest of the day passed quietly enough. Rumple’s eyes kept darting across the street, trying to catch a hint of Belle through the library windows. He almost headed over there during lunch, but then thought better of it. Belle would probably shout at him some more and he needed to give her enough time to calm down.

It was agony waiting until the end of the day. The library closed at six, so Rumple decided to head over at 5:45 hoping to catch Belle before she left to pick up Gideon but after the library had cleared out.

He steeled his spine, taking the seemingly insurmountably long walk across the street to the library. But when he entered, no one was there.

“Belle?” he called out, walking past the circulation desk to the tiny office in the back. But it was just as empty as the rest of the library appeared to be.

He hadn’t seen her leave, despite his hawkish eye on the building all day. Perhaps she hadn’t come in to work today after all. Perhaps she’d packed up Gideon and hightailed it out of town to avoid him. Rumple tamped down on that panicked line of thinking. She would never take his son away from him like that. Maybe she just went home a little earlier than usual.

With that thought in mind he ran back across the street to the Cadillac, taking the short drive to Belle’s house. Her car wasn’t parked outside and it was with mounting trepidation that Rumple walked up her front drive. A quick rap of his knuckles on the front door yielded no results. A chance at the doorbell was equally unsuccessful.

Maybe they went to Granny’s for dinner, he thought. _Or maybe they left Storybrooke forever_ , the imp in the back of his mind insisted.

There was an easy enough way to know and Rumple nearly smacked himself in the forehead to realize he had a perfectly good, albeit old, cell phone in his pocket. He whipped it out, dialing Belle’s number from memory. He would call her, she would tell him she’d taken Gideon out for dinner, and that would be that. Mystery solved.

The call went straight to Belle’s voicemail. He tried again to similar results.

_Damn._

He was beginning to panic in earnest now, despite his best efforts. What if something had happened to them? What if some forgotten enemy from his past had surfaced and planned to exact revenge on him through the two people he loved most? He could feel the magic itching at his fingertips, begging to be let loose. Rumple took a deep, calming breath trying to keep it at bay.

Granny’s. He would try Granny’s. If no one there had seen them, then he could panic or go take back one of the locator spells he’d given Charming earlier. But for now, there was no need to think anything was wrong.

* * *

 

Belle stood on the front porch of Rumple’s house scratching her head. She’d left the library early, putting up the sign for the community hours before picking Gideon up. She’d already packed his bag the night before so they’d headed over to Rumple’s, a script of what exactly she would say to him, how she would apologize, running through Belle’s head on a loop.

But the Cadillac wasn’t parked in the driveway. And when she knocked on the door, no one answered.

Rumple was usually home on Friday evenings when she dropped off Gideon. Of course, that morning she’d told him she was keeping Gideon for the weekend. She couldn’t fault him that he was out.

Maybe Granny was wrong. Maybe Rumple did want to move on and he was doing so right now. Maybe he cut her off this morning because he already had a date lined up for tonight with someone else. That was ridiculous of course. This morning, Rumple had planned to have Gideon for the night like always. But it didn’t stop her mind from going to dark places.

“Okay, Gid,” she said, looking down at her son beside her. “It seems like Mama and Papa got their wires crossed and he’s not home at the moment.”

“Oh,” Gideon said dejectedly. “Did Papa forget about me?”

“No!” Belle was quick to assure him. “Your Papa loves you more than anything. He would never forget about you. This morning I asked if you could spend the weekend with me since I didn’t see you last night and Papa said that was fine even though he would miss you terribly. Then I felt bad about taking away Papa’s time with you so I decided to bring you over anyway. It’s my fault. I should have called to make sure he was home.”

But she didn’t because Rumple was always where she needed him to be. He didn’t go out. He didn’t do anything unexpected these days. He was a steady presence in her life and she could count on him being home at 6:00 on a Friday evening.

God she was a fool.

“Let’s get back in the car and I’ll call Papa, okay?” she said. Gideon nodded, following her back to the car while she fished her cell phone out of her coat pocket.

The call went straight to an automated voicemail box Rumple had never bothered to set up.

“Well,” she said, helping Gideon back up into his car seat. “Papa didn’t answer his phone either.”

“Where is he?” Gideon asked. “I’m supposed to stay at Papa’s.”

“I don’t know, Gid,” Belle said, trying to keep a cheerful face. “But it’s getting late. Why don’t we go home and I’ll cook us some dinner, okay? We’ll see Papa tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Gideon agreed, crestfallen. “But can we have macaroni and cheese?”

“Sure,” Belle said, climbing back into the driver’s seat. “Whatever you want, bud.”

She pulled the car back out onto the street, headed home. Belle tried not to think about the fact that Rumple could be out enjoying his new life without her. It wasn’t fair to think harshly of him for something she pushed him into. But her heart broke just a little bit more regardless.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the final full chapter. Only the epilogue left. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The rest of Belle’s evening was taken up with fixing Gideon’s dinner and getting the little boy ready for bed. By the time she’d read him his bedtime story and got him tucked in, she was completely knackered from the day.

She headed back downstairs to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine before thinking better of it and placing it back in the pantry. Her hands dropped to her stomach. She could be pregnant with her ex-husband’s child, an ex-husband with whom she was still hopelessly in love and had told her that very morning that he didn’t want a child with her at all.

Belle ran a hand through her hair, pouring herself a glass of iced tea instead of the wine. With Gideon asleep she was left to her restless thoughts. She needed to talk to Rumple, but part of her was glad she’d missed him tonight. It gave her more time to sort herself out.

If only she had the first idea of how to sort herself.

She had a box waiting in her purse in the kitchen, a box that could potentially make all of this go away. But she hadn’t had the will to do anything about it.

Instead she carried her tea into the lounge, sitting down on the sofa and trying to figure out what she wanted.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She wanted Rumple. She knew that as well as she knew her own name. She loved him, but that love was at war with her fear. If only she had a guarantee, some way of knowing that this time things between them would work out with no lies and no betrayals. But this was real life, not a story. And real life didn’t guarantee a happy ending.

A banging on the front door interrupted her thoughts, frantic and pounding, and Belle ran down the hall, hoping to answer before the noise woke Gideon.

She threw open the door, ready to chastise whoever decided to cause such a racket in the middle of the night, only to find a distressed and out of breath Rumple. His short hair was standing on end, his tie askew. He looked as though he’d run the length of Storybrooke.

“Belle!” he exclaimed, relief spreading across his face. “You’re here.”

Belle just shook her head. “Where else would I be?”

That was when it caught her eye, a pair of pale blue panties hovering in midair on her doorstep. She snatched them up in her grasp.

“Are these mine?”

Rumple had the decency to look sheepish. “You left them at my house last night. It was the only thing I had of yours in a pinch.”

Belle sputtered, waving the panties in one hand. “Did you use a tracking spell? On my underwear?”

Rumple gaped at her, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. He clearly hadn’t thought about her reaction to magic, flying panties when he’d set out on this quest.

“You weren’t answering your phone!” he said by way of defense. “What else was I supposed to do?”

Belle just shook her head. “Why is magic always your go to? You couldn’t just swing by the house like a normal person without parading my panties down the street?”

“I did!” Rumple countered. “You weren’t here. You weren’t answering your phone. After this morning I thought perhaps you’d taken Gideon and left for good.”

Belle could feel her mouth dropping open.

“How could you possibly think I would do that?” she said, trying to keep her voice from rising to shrill levels and waking their child. “Gideon is your son. I would never take him away from you. Do you really think that little of me?”

“Of course not,” he said shaking his head. “You were just so angry with me this morning.”

And because of an argument he thought the worst, that she would run and take his son. Belle shook her head. He was still so sure that he would be abandoned at every turn. She hadn’t helped in that respect.

“I wasn’t angry,” she protested. “I mean, I was, but I would never do that.”

Rumple just stood there on her front step, looking awkward and chastened. Belle sighed, moving to the side of the doorway.

“Do you want to come in?” she asked, gesturing behind her. She had resolved to speak to Rumple, to tell him the absolute truth. Now seemed as good a time as any. “It seems we need to talk.”

He nodded, following her into her entrance hall as she closed the door behind him.

It felt like they were always here these days, standing in entryways, never truly walking all the way into each other’s lives. It was time to end that.

Belle nodded her head down the hall toward the kitchen. “Want to come all the way in?”

For some reason, important conversations seemed to take place in kitchens. Belle wasn’t sure if it was the bright, cheery light, so much better illuminated than the low lamps in the lounge, or the fact that there was something comforting about being close to the freezer and the ice cream within, but she felt more comfortable here than anywhere else in the house.

“So,” she said, turning and facing Rumple across the small kitchen island. She spread her hands against the granite surface, feeling the cool stone beneath her fingers. She wasn’t sure where to begin.

“So,” Rumple repeated.

He’d come over in a righteous fury, but now that Belle was standing directly in front of him, dressed in a soft cotton t-shirt over a pair of leggings that clung to her shapely legs like a second skin, he couldn’t remember a single thing he had wanted to say to her. Her face was scrubbed clean of makeup, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She looked young and fresh and more beautiful than he’d ever seen her.

He twisted his hands together in front of him, his right hand instinctively going to the ever-present ring on his left ring finger and fiddling with it.

There was so much that needed to be said, but it seemed wrong to just blurt out that he loved her, no matter what David had to say on the matter. You needed some sort of lead up to a declaration like that, after all this time. So instead he stood there like an idiot, letting his fears choke the words from his throat.

“I went to the pharmacy today,” Belle said apropos of nothing, pushing away from the island and crossing the room to the breakfast table. After rummaging in her purse for a moment she surfaced with a pale green cardboard box. Rumple just stared at it blankly.

“Morning after pill,” she explained, walking back toward him. “I haven’t taken it yet. The longer I wait, the less effective it’ll be but I just couldn’t do it if there was the least chance you were still okay with having a baby with me. But if you want me to take it, I will.”

Rumple’s stare moved from the box in Belle’s hand to her face, his brain struggling to catch up with what she was offering.

She must have taken his silence for agreement because she nodded, a little stiffly.

“Okay,” she continued, her voice thin and strained, squeezing the box in her hands. “I mean, this is good, you know? This means things can go back to normal between us and we can pretend none of it ever happened. That’s probably for the best. And you can date someone else which I’m sure you want to. You won’t have to worry about your crazy ex-wife popping up constantly begging you to impregnate her. That can’t be good for a new relationship.”

Belle was rambling and Rumple was struggling to understand what she was even talking about. But those words brought him up short.

“New relationship?” he said with a shake of his head. “Belle what are you talking about?”

Belle shrugged, dropping the box on to the island and crossing her arms against her chest.

“This morning,” she said. “You said you wanted it all, a wife and everything. I’m holding you back from that.”

“Oh, God, Belle,” he said with another shake of his head. She had things all wrong. Was it possible she was really that mixed up? Had he not made his feelings clear enough that morning? Was David Nolan actually right about something?

He moved toward her, ready to take her in his arms, tell her just how mistaken she was, but Belle stopped him.

“No, please,” she said, holding a hand up. “Please let me just say what I have to say.”

Rumple, pulled up short, looking hesitant for a moment before nodding in agreement.

“I need to be honest with you,” she said haltingly. “Because so far I haven’t been. I haven’t even been honest with myself.”

Rumple waited, his breath caught in his chest, knowing her next words could utterly destroy him or revive him just as easily.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Rumple blinked. He certainly hadn’t expected her to say that. “I owe you such a massive apology.”

“For what?” he couldn’t help but ask. It wasn’t Belle’s fault if she didn’t want him anymore. He couldn’t make her heart feel something it didn’t. There was no magic powerful enough for that.

Belle spread her hands wide. “For all of this,” she said, motioning between them. “For straining our relationship. For putting you in this position in the first place.”

“You didn’t do anything,” he said. “I agreed to everything of my own free will.”

Belle smiled sadly, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, they were glistening with unshed tears.

“I was going to bring Gideon over tonight,” she said, the change of subject jarring. “I felt bad about taking time with him away from you, so I brought him over at 6:00 on the dot like I do every other Friday. And you weren’t there.”

Rumple just nodded. He’d been scampering across town looking for her. They’d completely missed each other and he’d let himself fall into a panic because of it.

“You weren’t there,” Belle repeated. “And I realized that I’ve been taking for granted that you would always be there, where I needed you, when I needed you. I’m not your girlfriend, or your wife; I don’t have that right anymore. But for years I’ve been acting like I do.”

“We share a child,” Rumple said by way of explanation. Gideon would always tie them together. Even if he didn’t still love her so much he felt it like a constant pain in his chest, he would still be there for Belle. For Gideon.

“Yeah,” Belle agreed. “But that’s not an excuse for my behavior. I’ve completely taken advantage of the fact that you would do anything for me, for _us_.”

Belle had nothing to apologize to him for. He was happy to help Belle in any possible way he could. But Rumple knew it would only annoy Belle if he voiced that opinion again.

There was a beat of silence, Belle taking a deep breath before continuing.

“I think I’ve been holding on so tightly because I don’t know how to let you go,” she said tearfully. “This holding pattern we’ve been in for the past few years, I thought it was what I wanted, but now I think I’m just holding you back. I’m forcing you to have another child with a woman who left you because I started panicking that Gideon would grow up and leave and there would be nothing tying us together anymore. How selfish is that?”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head, reaching a hand out to trail down her arm. Gooseflesh erupted in the wake of his fingertips, her whole body warming at his touch and bringing back memories of the previous night so clearly. She flinched and Rumple immediately dropped his hand back to his side, stepping away from her.

“It’s wrong,” she continued, shaking her head. “Everything I’ve done is so wrong. You didn’t want a baby with me, so why did you agree? Why did you let me run wild with this?”

The answer to that was easy enough. He just wanted to see Belle happy.

“You wanted another child,” he said with a shrug. “It’s one thing I can actually give you, or thought I could anyway. I didn’t want to let you down again.”

“Gods, why do you have to be so wonderful?” she exclaimed, tilting her head back, pleading up at the ceiling.

Rumple snorted. “I have been far from wonderful to you, sweetheart. As you well know.”

He would never forgive himself for all the ways he’d hurt Belle prior to Gideon’s birth. He would never forget the fear and loathing in her face the day he’d placed that magic cuff on her. He’d never forget the look on her face when she refused to tell him their son’s name. He had deserved her hatred. He could never fault her for keeping him at arms length now because even standing here in her kitchen right now was more than he deserved.

“Why don’t you hate me?” she asked, her head rolling to the side to look at him. Rumple almost laughed at how closely Belle’s thoughts mirrored his own.

“I could never hate you,” he said honestly. “And, I don’t want you to take that pill,” he pointed to the box on the counter. “If we were lucky enough to conceive a child last night, I would be overjoyed. Any child would be lucky to have you as their mother.”

Belle shook her head, looking confused. “But this morning,” she began. “You said you wanted a wife.”

“Sweetheart,” he said with heartbreaking tenderness. “I don’t want _a_ wife. I want _my_ wife.”

Belle blinked at him as if to ask what the hell that differentiation meant.

“You,” he said pointedly, gesturing at her. “I know I have no right to think of you that way anymore, but there it is. In my heart, you’ll always be my wife. I want all of that with you. I’m not satisfied to just be your friend and I never will be. I’ve tried, but I can’t pretend that it’s enough anymore.”

He finished with a huff, waiting for Belle’s ire or consternation, waiting for her to tell him to leave her home and never come back.

“Oh,” was Belle’s only answer.

It hadn’t quite a declaration of love, but it was close to it. He was honest. David’s words from that afternoon rang through his head though. _Tell her in no uncertain terms._ He didn’t want to risk another miscommunication.

“I love you, Belle.” As soon as he said the words, he felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It was like he’d been holding them in for years and they were weighing him down. He’d finally released that weight. “I love you. And not just as a friend, or as Gideon’s mother. I am _in love_ with you, and I have been for every moment of the past four years. I never said anything because I thought you wanted me to just be your friend and I just wanted to make you happy.”

Belle bit her lip, her arms tightening around herself.

“You love me?” she repeated his words as a question.

Rumple nodded, moving closer, finally daring to touch her. His hands cupped her shoulders.

“I love you,” he couldn’t seem to stop saying the words, now that he finally had. “I never stopped. And because I love you, I just want you to be happy. Are you happy, Belle? Because all of this, it’d be worth it if you were happy.”

Her blue eyes were wide and filled with tears before she shook her head.

“I don’t think I’ve been happy in a long time. I love Gideon and I love being his mother so please don’t think I don’t. But I’m lonely. And I miss you. I don’t think I even realized how much I missed you until I thought I’d lost you forever.”

Rumple let out a ragged gasp. They’d each been unhappy with the arrangement of the past four years but they’d both been too stupid to do anything about it.

“You always seemed so happy with the relationship we have now,” he said. If he’d had the slightest inclination that Belle was as miserable as he was, he’d have done something about it. But she’d never once let on that she might want something more from him. Even her decision to have another child with him was purely platonic. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Belle closed her eyes, fat tears leaking out from beneath her dark lashes and Rumple raised a hand from her shoulder, brushing them away with his thumb.

“I love you,” she said, opening her eyes. Rumple felt like his heart was fit to burst. He could never in a million years have hoped for her to return his feelings, not after everything they’d been through. “I love you so much, Rumple. But as much as I want to, I just don’t trust you.”

It was like a punch to the gut, to go from one extreme to the other so quickly. Belle loved him and missed him, but she wasn’t a fool. She didn’t want him back.

“Ah,” he said, dropping his hands from where they still held Belle’s arms in a light grip. “I see.”

He turned away, leaning against the granite countertop. He didn’t want Belle to see how her words had affected him. He didn’t want her to feel guilt because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check.

“This morning you accused me of being impulsive, and you’re right, I am,” Belle continued, speaking to the tense line of his shoulders beneath his suit jacket. “I know I can be. Except when it comes to you. Because if I were impulsive, if I followed my heart, I would have run back to you the second we had Gideon in our arms again. If I were impulsive I would have told you that I love you and that I want you. But this is the one place where I’m cautious because more than pirates or witches or sorceresses, losing you completely could be the thing that actually kills me. It was better to have parts of you than nothing at all.”

“Belle,” he said, his voice rasping over her name. There was no way to fix her broken trust, not if four years hadn’t done so. She would never trust him with her heart again and he had done that, his actions had broken them.

“It’s nothing that you’ve done recently,” Belle protested. “You’ve been wonderful. There’ve been times when I’ve wondered why we aren’t together. Because watching how you love our child has just made me love you even more. And I don’t know what to do with that, Rumple, because there is always this fear keeping me back.”

Rumple nodded, composing himself before turning back to Belle.

“I think this is a conversation we probably should have had four years ago,” he pointed out. “But we were too busy trying not to rock the boat.”

“Yeah,” Belle agreed tearfully.

“So where does that leave us?” he asked. They loved each other, neither of them were happy, and he had no idea how to fix it.

Belle shrugged, staring down at the package containing the morning after pill.

“Do you regret last night?” Rumple prompted. He wasn’t sure what good her answer would do, but he needed to know.

“No,” she said after a long moment, shaking her head. “I know I probably should. But I could never regret being with you.”

Rumple let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Last night was magical to him, no matter that they’d cocked it up this morning. It would hurt to know for certain Belle didn’t feel the same way. But she did. And despite the fact that she wasn’t ready, would probably never be ready, to be with him again, at least they had one special night together.

Belle let out a groan, dropping her head into her hands.

“This is so stupid!” she exclaimed. “I’m not happy being without you, so what am I so afraid of? That I’m possibly going to feel worse?”

Rumple wasn’t sure what to say. It seemed like Belle was coming to an important decision and his input wasn’t necessary.

“I love you, and I want to be with you,” she said with a firm nod of her head, coming to stand directly in front of him.

Rumple started.

“What?” he asked, certain that he’d misheard her, that somehow his desires had overcome his reason and he’d hallucinated her words. “But you just said…”

“That I was afraid,” Belle finished his sentence. “I don’t want to be afraid. I want to trust you again. And the only way I’m going to do that is if we _try_ being together again. If…if that’s what you want?”

Her voice trailed up at the end of her question, still looking uncertain about his feelings for her even after everything they’d said to each other tonight.

“Of course it’s what I want,” he quickly assured her. Rumple risked pulling her into his arms and Belle went willingly, resting her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around his middle. He’d had her in his arms just last night, but it felt like ages ago. Having her here again felt like a deep breath of fresh air after too long spent indoors.

“I was so heartbroken when I thought you wanted to move on without me,” she said, her voice muffled against his shirt. “I think it took the idea of really losing you for good to make me realize what I really wanted.”

“You’ll never lose me,” he swore fiercely, kissing the top of her head. “I promise you that, Belle.”

They stood there in the kitchen just holding each other for a long moment. Neither of them spoke, the only sound the gentle sloshing coming from the dishwasher.

“What do we do about that?” Belle asked after a while, pulling away and nodding her head toward the box on the kitchen island. “We’re hardly in a place to have a child.”

“No,” he agreed. “But that didn’t stop us before. I think we’ve done alright considering.”

Belle snorted. “Considering the track of our last pregnancy, I think anything would be an improvement.”

There would be no Evil Queens this time. No sped up pregnancies. No shears of destiny. No dream worlds and meddling mothers. They could do this right.

“Last time was an accident,” Rumple pointed out. “But now we’ve been trying our hardest. It would seem a shame to let that all go to waste.”

Belle let out a choked little laugh at that.

“What?” Rumple asked, tilting her face up to look at him. “What’s so funny?”

Belle pressed her lips together, her shoulders shaking with mirth. It was such a relief to see her smile again that Rumple didn’t even care that she was likely laughing at him.

“You masturbated into a cup for me,” she said with a wet giggle.

Rumple nodded. “I did,” he agreed. “Several different times, in actual fact.”

Belle shook her head, burying it against Rumple’s chest again. “I can’t believe you went through all that for me.”

“I confess doing things the old fashioned way was infinitely preferable to looking at porn in an office suite.”

“Was it at least good porn?” she asked, her voice teasing.

Rumple rolled his eyes. “Terrible,” he admitted. “Didn’t do anything for me.”

Belle sighed with happiness, wrapping her arms around Rumple again. He supposed they should eventually make their way out of the kitchen, perhaps go to the lounge and get comfortable if they were going to continue this conversation. He was about to suggest it when Belle spoke again.

“That, uh, first time you went to Whale’s,” she began shyly, glancing up at him from beneath her lashes. “When I had to help you?”

“Yeah?” He well remembered their phone call and the awkwardness that had followed, so many months ago now.

“After that call, I had to take the edge off myself too,” she admitted, her cheeks flushing a fetching shade of pink.

Rumple arched his eyebrows. “Oh really?”

Belle nodded. “I think that was the real start of things getting unbearably tense between us. Not because we overstepped anything, but because after that I couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t want you. I couldn’t kid myself anymore.”

His arms tightened around her, holding her close.

“You had valid fears, Belle.”

“I know,” she agreed. “But I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to do the brave thing.”

He pulled back a bit, cupping her cheeks between his hands.

“May I kiss you?” he asked hesitantly, waiting for rejection. Just because she said she wanted to try again didn’t mean she was open to any sort of intimacy.

But Belle nodded, a soft smile crossing her beautiful face and Rumple felt a matching one blooming across his own.

He bent his head to her, slowly, softly pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Belle’s arms came up to wrap around his neck, pulling him more firmly against her and he slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her properly.

Belle arched against him, her lush little body molding to his. He tilted her head back, kissing her hard, consuming her. His tongue met hers in a wet tangle. Despite the fact that they’d spent the whole previous night enjoying each other, it felt new and forbidden, ssomehow illicit and completely right at the same time.

He’d only meant to kiss her, to chastely brush his lips against hers, to know that what they had was real and true. But Belle was eager, pushing his suit jacket from his shoulders and rubbing her hands along his chest and arms. He couldn’t hold back at her touch.

He maneuvered her until her back was against the kitchen counter, never letting up for breath. He didn’t want to put any space between them, didn’t want to risk the chance that this was all some wonderful dream.

They shouldn’t do this, a voice in the back of his mind chimed in. They should talk more. They should give each other space and time. They shouldn’t rush into anything just because they loved each other. But they’d had nearly four years to reflect on their failed marriage. What he wanted now was his wife.

Belle was raking her hands through his cropped hair, trying to find purchase.

“I want you to grow your hair back,” she gasped against his mouth. “I want to pull on it while you fuck me.”

“Gods, Belle,” he growled, her words going straight to his cock. “I’ll do whatever you want, sweetheart.”

He would gladly grow his hair long again if that’s what Belle wanted. He would do anything for her.

His hands were roaming everywhere, from her hips to her waist, up to her breasts, bunching in the loose fabric of her t-shirt. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her. He wanted her naked, here, in the kitchen, the rest of the world be damned. He wanted to never be parted from her ever again.

Belle was rubbing herself against him, her hips canting against his. He could feel himself hard in his trousers, brushing against Belle’s thigh. She couldn’t have missed his reaction but she didn’t seem to mind, only kissing him harder, holding him closer.

Rumple trailed kisses across her jaw, down her neck. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of her skin. Belle’s hands pulled at his clothes, untucking his shirt and pulling at his belt buckle.

He pulled back for a moment, giving her a questioning look. Belle just nodded.

“What’s a few more arrows at this point, right?” she breathed. Rumple huffed out a laugh in agreement.

Belle wrestled with her leggings, getting them down and off before leaning back against the kitchen island. Rumple helped her hop up on the cold surface and she let out a hiss at the feel of the stone against her heated skin. And then Rumple was kissing her again.

“We have to be quiet,” she whispered against his lips. “Gideon.”

Rumple nodded. The last thing they needed was their son walking in on this. But for better or worse, he didn’t think he would last very long in any case.

“I want you,” Belle moaned, her hands continuing their earlier work of getting his belt and fly open. A moment later she had him in hand, her grip firm as she worked him. Rumple braced his hands on Belle’s thighs, his fingers digging in to her smooth skin.

“Gods, Belle,” he gasped. “I’m not gonna last.”

“That’s okay,” she said soothingly against the shell of his ear. “We can take all night if we want to.”

With that promise ringing in his ears, Rumple let his trousers drop all the way to the floor, pulling Belle to the edge of the countertop until she wrapped her legs around his hips. He had to have her now, they could take their time later, when he brought her upstairs and spent a solid hour with his head between her thighs.

Belle let out a hiss when the head of his cock came in contact with her core, through the sodden gusset of her panties. She was hot and wet and he wasn’t even inside her yet and he wanted to lose his mind.

His hands went to the waistband of her underwear pulling at them until they were halfway down her legs. They didn’t even bother to pull them all the way off, Belle tugging Rumple back against her as soon as there was nothing between her legs.

“Please,” she pleaded, her fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt.

“Okay,” Rumple agreed, lining them up as best he could and pushing in, oh so slowly. Belle pulled one leg free of her underwear, wrapping it around Rumple’s waist as her panties dangled precariously from her other foot, dragging him deeper.

“Yes,” she cried. “Feels so good.”

Her arms went around his neck as Rumple began to thrust into her. She was so hot and tight around him, her flesh pulling at him as he moved. He wanted to stay buried within her forever. He never wanted to leave her again.

He buried his head against her neck, sucking and biting at her collarbone. Last night they had been together, but it hadn’t been the same. He’d been afraid of what the morning would bring, afraid of how their relationship would change. Now he knew she still loved him, that she wanted to try again. He would take this messy, half-dressed, fumble in the kitchen over the previous night’s uncertainty any day.

“I love you,” he moaned, pulling back so he could look Belle in the eye. Her pink lips were parted, her pupils blown wide and her eyes darkened with lust. She was so beautiful like this and he wanted her to know that he loved her, let there be no room for doubt to drive them apart again. “I’ve always loved you.”

“I know,” she said with a smile, carding one hand through his hair. “I love you too.”

She pulled him down to kiss her, her legs tightening around his waist, and the new angle had him seeing stars. He could feel his body tensing, feel the heat coiled low in his belly and ready to be released at the slide of his body within hers. It had only been a few minutes since this whole rendezvous had begun and if he had better control of himself he’d almost be ashamed. But he was far too gone for that.

He moved a hand down between them, seeking out Belle’s clit in the slippery wetness where they were joined. She let out a cry as his thumb found her, brushing against her with every thrust of his hips. Her back arched, her fingers clutching at him, digging in to the groove of his spine.

And then Belle’s entire body was tightening around his, her channel fluttered, tightening like a vice, while her thighs clamped around his hips and her fingers clutched at him hard enough to leave bruises. Her entire face was alight with pleasure, her head thrown back with it and Rumple let himself come with a groan, white hot pleasure rushing along his nerve endings and leaving him breathless in its wake.

For a moment there was no sound but their labored breathing, Belle’s head cradled on Rumple’s shoulder as he leaned against the counter, grateful to have it keeping him upright.

“Well, last night wasn’t a fluke,” Belle said finally. “We’ve still got it.”

Rumple chuckled, turning his face to kiss the sweat dampened hair curling at her temple.

“Mama?” came a small voice from down the hall. Rumple’s eyes bulged at the same time Belle gasped. They barely had time to pull apart from each other, Belle sliding down from the countertop and tugging her underwear back up, before Gideon was rounding the corner into the kitchen.

Rumple turned, suddenly very interested in the contents of the glass front kitchen cabinet that held Belle’s coffee mugs, as he surreptitiously zipped up his trousers. Belle tugged her t-shirt down to cover her lack of pants and kicked her discarded leggings over into the corner.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” she greeted Gideon, only slightly out of breath and admirably composed in spite of everything. “What are you doing up?”

Gideon rubbed at his eye, looking around the kitchen blearily.

“I heard noises,” he said. “Why is Papa here?”

Rumple turned back to face his son now that he was confident he was decent.

“Hey, Gid,” he said with a smile. “I just came over to talk to your mother. Important conversation.”

“Oh,” Gideon said, yawning widely. “Okay.”

“Why don’t you go back upstairs and Papa and I will come tuck you in together,” Belle said.

Rumple’s heart gave a leap at her words. Together. They would tuck their child in to bed together.

Gideon nodded, stifling another yawn. “Okay.”

The little boy turned and trudged back down the hallway and Belle let out a sigh.

“That was close,” she said, spinning to face Rumple.

Rumple braced himself against the counter, his heart pounding. If Gideon had woken up a moment earlier they’d have had some serious explaining to do to a three year old.

“We never had to worry about being interrupted by a child before,” he mused. “Usually it was just the Charmings.”

Belle rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, I think locked bedrooms are the only place for _that_ from now on.”

Rumple couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. If Belle was willing to have him again, he didn’t care where they ended up. He would gladly keep their activities relegated to the bedroom.

Belle ran a hand over her hair, smoothing down her ponytail, then crossed the room to put her leggings back on.

“Good thing he’s too tired and too young to wonder why his mother was pantsless in the kitchen,” she said wryly as she shimmied back into them and Rumple was momentarily entranced by the sway of her backside.

“Well,” she said, slapping her hands against her thighs. “I guess we should go tuck our son back in to bed. Once he goes to sleep we can, uh, continue our conversation.”

Belle winked at him and Rumple was struck dumb by the sudden ease between them. They were together. They were going to make this work this time. It was so wonderfully domestic after their years apart and the awkwardness of the past few months.

Belle headed for the hallway before casting a look back at him over her shoulder. “Aren’t you coming?”

Rumple followed Belle out of the kitchen and up the stairs to Gideon’s room. His heart had never felt lighter. He and Belle were tucking their son in, together. It was far too soon and they still had so much to work through, but Rumple couldn’t help his mind racing ahead to when he could ask Belle to marry him again, when she and Gideon could move in with him permanently and they could sell this tiny little house, when they could be a family again in every sense of the word.

He didn’t want to waste another second.

 

 

 


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and nothing but fluff. Thank you to everyone who read, liked, and commented on this fic. It was a lot of fun to write and I appreciate your support in inspiring me to continue it to the finish line.

Belle grunted, sweat beading on her forehead, her lips parted and cheeks flushed.

“Come on,” she groaned, her breath coming out in short little gasps. “Please!”

She held her breath, her teeth gritted, her focus completely concentrated on one thing.

She twisted around one last time, pulling at the zipper on her dress before giving a frustrated sigh.

This was no use. There was no way she was getting the zipper up.

With another frustrated groan, she threw open the bedroom door, crossing the hallway and bursting in to the guest room.

Rumple was standing in front of the full length mirror hanging on the inside of the closet door, perfecting his tie knot when she barged in.

He turned, startled at the intrusion before letting out a squeaking noise he’d never cop to making if asked.

“What are you doing?” he gasped, covering his eyes and whirling away from her. “I can’t see you! It’s bad luck!”

Belle just rolled her eyes.

“We can’t get married today,” she said frankly.

That made Rumple look at her, his dark eyes suddenly stricken, his hands falling limply to his sides.

“Wh-why not?” he stammered out.

Belle was quick to grab his hands, squeezing them reassuringly.

“We can’t get married today because I’m too fat to fit in my dress.”

Rumple looked confused for a moment before Belle gestured to the half done zipper at her back.

“You’re not fat,” he said patiently. “You’re pregnant.”

“I’m 47 months pregnant, Rumple,” she whined, dropping his hands and stepping away from him. “Why do we have to do this now?”

“Because you didn’t want our child to be born in sin,” he quipped.

Belle rolled her eyes. “We’ve been living _in sin_ for a full year. It doesn’t matter if we’re married or not. This isn’t the Enchanted Forest, no one is going to think any worse of me if I’m not married to the father of my children.”

“Granny might,” Rumple needled.

“Granny can burn!” Belle exclaimed, before covering her mouth, horrified by what she’d just said. “See, I’m an irritable mess. Don’t you want to wait and do this when I can actually look nice in a wedding gown?”

“You look beautiful,” Rumple assured her.

“You have to say that,” Belle sulked. “You’re my once and future husband.”

That surprised a laugh out of Rumple and Belle glared at him.

Rumple moved forward, cupping Belle’s shoulders with his hands and stroking them down her bare arms.

“Look at it this way,” he reasoned. “As your once and future husband, don’t you think you can trust me on matters of your appearance? I’ve seen you in a wedding dress twice now and you’re even more beautiful today than you were the first time.”

Belle couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re sweet,” she said. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t zip my dress up so we can’t get married. Do you want me to walk down the aisle with my entire backside exposed?”

“Not particularly, no,” Rumple said. “Do you have something else you could wear?”

Belle glared at him.

“Do I happen to have another maternity wedding gown just hanging in my closet?” she asked sarcastically.

Rumple frowned slightly. “It doesn’t have to be a white dress. You know technically white is for –”

“Finish that sentence, I dare you,” Belle cut across him.

Rumple held up his hands in surrender, backing away from her slightly. Belle just sighed again. She didn’t want to snap at Rumple today of all days. It was supposed to be their wedding day and not just that. It was the uniting of their family once more, the two of them, Gideon and the baby girl she was carrying in her belly. Today was special, and she was going to ruin it.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “But maybe we should have waited until after the baby was born to do this again. I promise I won’t be so hard to live with once the baby is out of me.”

Rumple shook his head.

“I want to marry you,” he said with a shrug. “I want you to be my wife again. I want us to be a family. I couldn’t care less what you wear. We could get married in our pajamas for all it matters to me.”

Belle stifled a giggle at the mental image of her impeccable fiancé standing out in the back garden shoeless in his silk pajamas. But she wanted to look nice for their wedding. She wanted to wear a wedding gown.

“Turn around,” Rumple prompted. “Let me see what we’re working with.”

Belle did as she was bid, turning her back to Rumple and lifting her hair out of the way of the zipper. Rumple’s fingers trailed down her exposed spine and she gave an involuntary shiver. Another thing to blame on the pregnancy hormones she supposed. Once the exhaustion of her first trimester had worn off, she hadn’t been able to get enough of Rumple. Luckily he’d been only too happy to help.

“I can fix this easily,” Rumple said, fiddling with the fabric on the back of her dress.

Belle shook her head. “I don’t want magic involved on our wedding day. You fix my zipper and the entire wedding canopy will fall down around our heads during the ceremony. It comes with a price.”

Rumple smirked and pressed a quick kiss to her shoulder. “You forget dear, in another life I was a spinner. I’m quite handy with fabric.”

He crossed to the guest room closet, rifling through it for a moment, before surfacing with a sewing box.

“Turn back around,” he said, making a circling motion with his finger.

“Are you going to sew me in to my dress?” she asked. “That means you’ll have to rip me out of it later.”

“Well were you planning on wearing it again after tonight?” Rumple returned cheekily.

“Probably not,” she admitted. “But I don’t want to have to tear it to get it off.”

Rumple sighed, stepping back and looking at Belle critically.

“Well, if you want me to let it out, you’re going to have to take it off.”

Belle balked.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t do it while you’re wearing the garment. It’ll only take a moment.”

Belle fiddled with her hands, biting her lip.

“What?” Rumple asked.

“I can’t wear a bra with this dress,” she said. “All I’m wearing underneath it are my panties.”

Rumple smiled, shaking his head slightly at her modesty.

“Well, sweetheart, accounting for your current state, believe me when I say I’ve seen it all before.”

Belle just rolled her eyes. “No, I just _know_ you. I’m not going to strip naked in front of you when we have to be out on the back lawn in front of our nearest and dearest in a half hour.”

Rumple laid a hand against his chest in mock outrage. “Are you implying I have no self control?”

Belle arched an eyebrow. “Not when I’m naked you don’t.”

Rumple shook his head. “Take off the dress, Belle. I promise I won’t throw myself at you, but we’re running low on time, sweetheart.”

Belle giggled, shimmying out of the dress and holding it out to Rumple. She crossed her arms against her naked chest, feeling cold at being so suddenly exposed.

She didn’t miss the way Rumple’s eyes roamed over her appreciatively. She was happy that her belly didn’t seem to make her less attractive in his eyes. She’d missed out on most of her pregnancy with Gideon and in her darker moments she was almost glad. Pregnancy was hardly as glamorous or beautiful as some would have you believe. She didn’t have to worry about the weight gain, the sore joints, the stretch marks, or the back pain the first go around. Adding in that the fairies had healed her up after Gideon’s birth and it was almost as though she’d never been pregnant at all. But she also knew that every ache and every annoyance of her ever-changing body was worth it. She and Rumple finally got to experience one of life’s biggest moments together. She wouldn’t change that for anything.

Rumple sat down at the desk in the room, pulling the dress across his lap and setting to work at letting it out. Luckily she’d only outgrown it by about half an inch, just enough that the zipper wouldn’t budge, and there was enough extra fabric to work with.

His hands were nimble, flying so fast Belle almost suspected he was using magic anyway, despite her protest. Rumple finished a stitch with a flourish, bringing the thread up to his mouth to bite the excess off with his teeth. A thrill went down Belle’s spine at that. And she couldn’t quite believe she was getting turned on by Rumple sewing. She clamped her thighs together, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“All done,” Rumple said after a moment, standing up and holding the dress out to Belle. “Try it now.”

She pulled the dress on over her head, turning her back to Rumple and allowing him to pull the zip up. Miraculously, it fit.

“Perfect!” Belle exclaimed, twirling to face Rumple.

“Absolute perfection,” Rumple repeated. Belle blushed. She didn’t think he was talking about the dress.

He reached for her hand, pulling her closer and cupping her cheek.

“You are breathtaking, Belle.”

“Thank you,” she said, straightening his tie before smoothing her hands across his chest.

“You’re welcome.”

Rumple bent his head as if to kiss her, and Belle wanted more than anything to let him. But something made her hold a finger up to his lips, stopping him.

“Don’t you think we should wait until we make it to the altar? I mean technically speaking you shouldn’t have seen me in my dress yet. I don’t want to jinx us too badly.”

“We’re getting married in our own backyard with a grand total of ten people in attendance. It’s hardly a formal ceremony.”

“You’re the one who panicked when you saw me in the dress,” she pointed out his earlier outburst.

Rumple shrugged. “If you think it’s alright, so do I. I think we’ve had our share of bad luck. Only good luck from now on.”

Belle narrowed her eyes at him. “Rumplestiltskin, that almost sounded optimistic.”

“You must be rubbing off on me,” he said, pulling her as close as possible with her belly between them.

“Do you know why I wanted to get married here, in the backyard?” Belle asked, realizing she’d never really expressed her reasoning. She trailed her hands up to Rumple’s hair, combing her fingers through the fluff. It wasn’t quite as long as it once had been, but he’d stayed true to his promise of growing it back out for her.

“Convenience’s sake?” Rumple guessed. Belle shook her head.

“This is where I decided I wanted us to be a family again,” she said. “A couple years ago now, at Gideon’s third birthday party. It’s when I first started thinking about wanting another child and wanting that child with you. I wanted you back, even if I couldn’t quite articulate it at the time.”

Rumple smiled, his eyes bright. “I love you,” he said softly. “And I can’t wait to marry you again.”

“I love you, too,” she said, tightening her grip in his hair and bringing him down for a kiss, damn if it was unlucky or not. They made their own luck now and nothing would ever tear them apart again.

Their lips had just barely brushed when there was a sudden knock on the door courtesy of their five-year-old son.

“Papa!” Gideon’s little voice called through the door. “Dr. Archie is here.”

Rumple stifled a groan before placing a light kiss on the tip of Belle’s nose.

“Hold that thought,” he said, taking a step back from Belle. “That’s my cue.”

“I’ll see you out there,” she said a little breathlessly. Despite the fact that she’d loved Rumple for decades now, despite the fact they had a child and one on the way, despite the fact they’d married each other before, she felt a little nervous.

“I can’t wait,” Rumple said with a wink. He opened the door to the sight of Gideon in his own little suit, dark blue just like his Papa’s. There was a pink peony pinned to his lapel and he looked at them both with wide eyes.

“Papa you’re not supposed to see Mama!” he said emphatically. “It’s bad luck!”

Rumple just shook his head. “Our bad luck is over, Gid,” he said, ruffling the boys hair. Then he strode off down the hall to meet Archie and their few guests.

Gideon turned to look at his mother, a smile breaking across his little face.

“Wow, Mama!” he exclaimed. “You look pretty!”

“Thank you, baby,” Belle said, holding her hand out to her son. “Are you ready to walk me down the aisle?”

Gideon stood up straighter, tugging on the hem of his little jacket. He looked just like a mini Rumple and Belle couldn’t help but smile.

“Yep,” he said decisively.

Belle rested her other hand on her belly, feeling her daughter squirming around inside.

“It’s time,” she said to them both. “Let’s go be a family.”


End file.
